I spend what I don’t have
To feel all that eludes me
Body and mind
In pursuit of harmonious high —

The clock ticking taunts
A timed expiration of my bliss
For it won’t be long
Until I’m bereft again
Empty —
Amiss

Sipping miso soup
In lieu of a hug
Warm convalescence
Ephemeral reprieve
For a perpetual hunger
That ceases to leave

I know not which place is worse
Calamitous inundations of
Unrelenting grief —
Or the frigid chill of
Empty apathy in its wake:
Icy, salty stalagmites
Where tears used to be

The smoke exits my mouth
In a tired exhale
I kiss the mesh screen and
Wish it were your lips
Soft, tender, melting into mine

Your image flits idly
in my mind
a hazy reverie
An image imprinted
So delicate and fine

Yet still you elude me
By volition or chance
I sit back, defeated
But still enmeshed in a trance

Assumptions aren’t truth
But they’re all I know —
And my darling, I sense it
Yet I can’t let you go

Words never failed me
Until I met you
And how hard it is, darling —
For I’m enamored of
So few

What would it take, my sunshine?
For us to thrive and climb?
I’d capitulate to god
If it meant you could be mine

baby bottled blonde
Do you think of me at night?
As you drift into slumber
Soft — alight —

Baby bottled blonde
Your radiance transcends
O’er three thousand miles
I’d sweep you in my arms
To your soul I would tend

Baby bottled blonde
How I’d caress your appled cheeks
Kiss you in the moonlight
My tender heart — it leaks

Baby bottled blonde
It is you and you alone
My desires, selfish —
How do I atone?

-

I hate to be selfish
But I feel you should be mine
All this dodgy playtalk
When together, we could be divine?

I would never want to write your narrative
Even if you should pay me no mind
I sit here, tortured
At the very thought that you’re not mine

I would do anything for love
To feel whole once more
But my darling
I wonder if you’ll ever open the door

You tell me I’m pretty
I laugh with ease —
But my mind, it falters
Will I ever find peace?

Delicate wisp of a flower
How hard it is not to pluck you
And call you mine
I gaze upon you like a lovestruck fool
Every inch, a consummate canvas
Adorned with adoring ink,
Tied together with bright blue eyes
I watch like an incapacitated panther
Wanting to launch myself into you but
Something stopped me deep inside
I could never mar something so fragile
So beautiful and wholesome
So ethereal it makes me want to die

Morning caresses my lips
With a squalid kiss -- the taste of last
Night’s stale liquor, a greeting most
Usual and unwelcome all the same.
Sated beyond means, I still am
Stricken by thirst, dry lips parting in
Consternation, heavy hands
Fumble aimlessly for old reliable, that
****** bottle of advil that may as well
Have its name etched in my dresser drawer
The morning after may be ripe with regret,
Hazy recollections draped in uncertainties --
But at least one thing remains surefire and
Constant --

Thump -- clank
My head, the door, my achy feet
Taking their first apprehensive steps
Into their habitual walk of shame
The mirror salutes me with the
Visage of a woman worn, tired and wildly aged --
There’s no way we’re the same person
Or are we?

I retraced the hieroglyphs with frenetic precision
running my fingers along each
ridge and valley with
unbridled vigor, desperate to be heard for
words had abandoned me.
soft, glowing red --
the essence of life
playing god
in my hands.
The story, unfinished --
i hope it never ends.

Meticulously maintaining
Impossibly feigned nonchalance,
Toying the cigarette ever so slightly
In her fingers -- careful so not
To appear as too calculated

The pariahs parade the dancefloor,
Shades of ignominy culminating in a
Prismatic rainbow, heightened by
The stale odor of ***** and body heat

Still, she stays in her perch like a silent sphynx
Waiting -- watching --
Aimlessly, but with direction, such
Carefree flamboyance below her,
A stoop to which she’d never deign

And so she watches, resigned
To fate, as much a fixture in the joint
As the gilded barstools --
The closest she can come to confronting
The fact that she is no different
Than any of the rest

uppers and downers
feed the human machine
popping tiny missiles to
launch at rocket spreed

i pretend through night
that the pink flower spring
is for us, wild woman

quiet storm,
i answer each dream
like wind

imagine, my gentle one
slow peace &
a happy truth of
something together

Does she take you there --?
Wet warm wild ride
Summer noon,
Her bed

It’s hardly a flicker,
A flash in the dark -
But it’s markedly something
Perhaps a new start

Sadie, of satin
Sables who dances the swing
Pretty little thing

Soft and gooey, or
Hard and **** --
This delicacy owns my heart

What’s your prized possession?
How do you measure your worth?
Diamonds dripping from your fingers,
Or perhaps a crown of gilded spoons --
Do you adorn yourself with petals
Or proudly dress in thorns?

Was it a fluke, or something more?
The answer remains to be seen, but
That expression in your eyes
Makes me want to believe

The fly on the wall that got too comfortable,
Now sitting in the way --
I’d chase you with a swatter
But I’d be giving into bait

Tired, uninspired
Whatever happened
To the way i used to be wired?

My ***** is hungry but
My heart hungrier --
I ache for love over touch
Time over a singular burst
A lady to call my own over a
Transient lover,
An angel’s caress --
A sensation like none other

I dug myself out of
The trenches only to find
Myself inundated, the
Thick mud tugging at my
Ankles like quicksand --
But isn’t it fortunate
That it’s malleable,
That I will mold it
To my own liking and carry on?

Amore mio,
Ma solo se sapessi
Quanto ti darei così che
Potremmo insieme di nuovo --
Ma non devo essere triste
Perché mi ha regalato qualcosa
Che non mai dimenticherò

Le nuvole mi abbracciano,
E potrei morire nel uno momento così
Dove la sola cosa che possa trovare
è la bella tocca di tranquillità

Voglio essere una con il mare
Trovare tranquillità nel sfumature di blu
Mio cuore piange per la sua libertà
Ma ancora rimasta nel il stesso posto
Pieno di voglia, che sono incapace di
Mostrare, anche se affogassi nelle onde

i miss the way my head lay
cradled in your thighs
how you arched your back
sending shivers down my spine
clenching fists and quiet sighs
our skin -- together --
my hand -- inside --
it was then that I found paradise

a growing distance
of interlocked souls
what once was love
has now grown cold
though moments flicker
before my eyes
in the end
it’s still goodbye

I know I should have closed the door
But I left it ajar
I couldn't lose you,
but as it stands right now --
You're already so far
Come back and let yourself in
It's never too late
To birth a new start

Hospitable I am
With the company I keep
They’ve settled quite well, the
Feisty little creatures --
In my mind they burrow deep

Generous I am
To the voices in my mind
Feeding them so they flourish --
Whispering persuasive hatred
With every chance they find

Gullible I am
Because I listen with open ears
Gobbling up their words in
Idolization, never questioning
Any sound that I hear

Have I broken your back yet
Like I pulverized mine?
I know I'm a heavy burden --
With weight I cannot leave behind

The words won't spill,
Even though I'm overflowing
Mounting pressure with no reprieve
So many things that need to come out
But instead they fill me until I can't speak

No dam could withstand
The entirety of my every feeling.
I break everything I touch --
I always stop and hesitate,
knowing --
That I’m just too much

The world was my enemy
Until I met you
And only then
Were my problems eschewed

I never knew love
Till I felt your embrace
It took just one touch
To find my happy place

A step and a leap,
Then a bound and a twirl --
You waltz through my mind
My beautiful girl

My heart swells when laughter
Washes over your face --
I long to freeze the moment
Forever, but even a picture
Could never suffice:
Eager eyes and flushed cheeks,
A vibrant grin that’s worry free
Joy in its purest form, unmarred
By any single thing

I want nothing more in life
than to keep you there with me --
We’ll take this moment now
and make it an eternity

Auburn haired dame
She’ll never be tamed
Dressed up to the nines
In ball gowns divine
With laughter like song
So prideful and strong
The freedom she’ll dance
Has the world in a trance
She’s beauty, she's strength
Standing firmly in place
And her whole life she’d chance
For her name is France

Just when i think
i might deserve better
i sit shaking, soaked
in salt water tears
sobbing and settling
for the lack of love,
the absence of affection
in the the boundless
desert of my life

Just when i think
i might deserve better
i sit shaking, soaked
in salt water tears
sobbing and settling
for the lack of love,
the absence of affection
in the the boundless
desert of my life

the reins slipped my hand ---
or maybe I never truly held them
like rolling die
falling from the sky
the odds of fate
are far from reach

Self appointed prophet
Putting forth prayers and
Pamphlets as you tear
The room asunder --

No regard for mortals,
But you brush it off with
A smile so sweet, a touch
Of the arm and divine influence --
After all, it’s your duty

Hands raise in the air,
You plead us to join you,
To save our souls and
Get redemption in turn
For a half-hearted prayer

If searching souls and
Turning them pure is your
Mission, then dear Susan,
You need to face the mirror
To truly find God

You never missed a mark
Firing right for my heart
Sent the bullet rippling through
My flesh and left me gaping

Whole, i thought i was before
You came along, taking aim
With your charming darts
Darling, I’m ****** I missed you
When I shot up high

We cannot maintain
Twenty years of change
Hoping things still might
Be the same, even when
You and I well know how
Far apart we’ve grown

We cannot pretend
That our love didn’t end
When I ran off without
Goodbye, wanting nothing
But for you to thrive even
If I struggled to survive

I cannot return
To what we once were
Ill suited from the start
Older man and the young
Bright lass, the dame
Who stole his heart

Two camps, divided;
On which one will I stay?
Little did I know
The road I took
Would **** me someday

Irreplaceable you,
Drifting into my world
With so little a care
As the heat of the evening
Turned into a sordid affair

Irreplaceable you,
Riding me gently, tamer
Of heavy waves
Tangled together in shadows --
For you, I’ll always misbehave

Irreplaceable you,
Slipping from my grasp
And into another’s  --
Trembling toward your kiss
Tell me I’m your only lover

Irreplaceable you,
But replaceable me
Left to wilt at the shoreline
While you sailed off to sea.

I’ve climbed the wall
Been up high,
Basked in twinkling lights
Told the past goodbye
Trapped in a corner
For so long, a passive
Doormat for you to come
And stomp your shoes on
In hopes that one day
It’d be me who once more
Swept you off your feet but
I have risen, I have seen
That life goes on, that
I could grow and change
And yes, my darling, it’s true --
I no longer desire
To be married to you.
Go and turn around now:
The door is open --
I’m telling you goodbye.