I'm lying in the dark
Lying to myself
Because it's easier to do
Than except the truth
Happiness doesn't last
And neither does my sanity.

I don't want to slip.
I don't want to go back.
Life don't make me miserable again
Can you see me trying?
Am I not good enough for you?
Life do you see?

Life do you see me struggle?
Life do you see me try?
Life do you see me huddle?
Life do you see me cry?
Life do you see me helpless?
Life do you see me whimper?
Life do you see me hopeless?
Life do you see me whisper?

What can you see?
**Do you see my unhappiness?

I don't know what to do
I despise you
I forced an apology out of you
You made excuses.

You think things have been bad for you
You self diagnose yourself
You don't know what you have.
I know you are wrong.

I asked did you care?
I begged you to stop.
I wondered were we friends.
You replied no.

You were never good to me
You were selfish and narcissistic
You were an emotional abuser
I want you to be sorry.

I want you to stop coming over and rubbing in my face that my life is **** and yours is great.
I want you to stop being around.
I want you to stop existing in my life.

I hate I've kissed you.
I hate I called you my favourite person in the world.
I hate that it was true.
I hate what you did, what you have done, and what you will do.


But I'm not sure if I hate you yet.

You should go to therapy*

Well you should open your eyes
Don't pretend im the only one dead inside
I just show it
More than i can say of you
You hid it all behind all you jokes
A meaniless thing to do
So who.needs freaking therapy
Definitely not me
I know how i am
And i have people who care for me
Unlike you who actually needs therapy

I text hi
You text hey
Instantly I wish I’d said that instead because Hi makes me sound clingy
I count the minutes between our texts
You ask how I am
I say I’m good who are you
You say not bad :)
I say that’s good :)
And we are back to square one.
Conversations of k lol cool and ya
The kind I hate
Then we play questions
And you ask me questions that are so deep, it surprises me
I’m intrigued
You’re different
I tell you the truth
About so many things I’m used to lying about
I am getting so close to telling you
My secrets
My unpretty ones
The ones I’ve been keeping
I said you know all that you need to about me
But I lied
I’m sorry
But you lied too
You text me you’ll be there when I return
Waiting for me
You might have said the sweetest things anybody has ever said to me
But you change your mind too easily
I travelled so far and thought of you
Every day I was away
I bought you something special
But you never got it
Because when I got back
You were there
But not really
You were distant
And you said remember how I liked you?
I notice you put it in past tense
Okay
That’s fine
It doesn’t consume me
At least I didn’t let myself get attached
Because usually when I lose someone
The pain never fades
At least you didn’t give me time
To fall in love with you and your lovely words
Lovely
Lovely
Lovely
You ruined the word for me
I wish I didn’t have to keep that special gift I had for you
But I can’t bring myself to get rid of it
And I used it a couple times myself so it didn’t go to waste
But now it haunts me too much to touch
So it sits on a shelf
And isn’t broken
But it’s just a little sad
Kind of like me
And what is behind the words
The words I gave you
Thank God I never told you my secrets
You couldn’t have handled them
And then that would mean I trusted you
With it all
And I really couldn’t handle losing someone
Who I trust
Because it’s worse than losing someone who I love
But still thank God I didn’t fall in love with you
I’m hiding something behind the words still though
It isn’t that bad
you didn't break me or anything
but still
I’m just a little sad.

Repost if you know the feeling

"Take a good look and
Tell me who it is
That I am."
I do not see

The eyes of hazel-green
I see pits
I see chasms
I see soulless windows

The hair of fiery bronze
I see rats tails
I see dishevelled wisps
I see dirt, mud and grease

The straight nose
I see the lumps
I see the blackheads that could inhale you
I see a witches crook

The mouth
I see thin worms stretched
I see steel fences, electric, unyielding and snapping shut at intruders
I see razor-like daggers

"Take a good look and
Tell me who it is
That I am."
You see me now.
You know who I am.
*You know what I am.