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Is there tear gas in this room?
Because I can't stop crying
The gas crawls down my esophagus
And crushes my wounded heart.

“God this hurts”

I keep typing,
Praying to computer screen
That I'll forget the smell of your hair
I type till my fingers bleed
So I can forget what your touch feels like
How our lips fit perfectly together.

“God I hate myself”

The only phrase I think of
When I'm pleading for things to back to normal
Back to the days
Where you didn't want to to crack open my skull
And see all of the ugly things
That drift around my cranium

“Baby please I'm sorry. I’m a mess,
A klutz, who waltzes around with stupidity
Baby I get this feeling in my head
When you are not around
I want to keep writing you these love letters
By sliding them under your doors called your eyelids”
But I can’t

I sit alone in the bus called life
Looking across my seat
I see you, my love
Holding onto the bar
Your pretty Blue headlights
That make me drawn to you
Your pretty Blue headlights
Covered with the rain I caused
I'm a rain man,
you see, when people get close to me
I get scared
And force the skies rain to tears with pain.

The only thing that floats in my mind
Is that I hope the man of you life
Buys you flowers
Sunflowers especially
And shows up to your work unexpectedly.
I hope you can travel to Paris
and keep a long list of all of the countries
you've cuddled in.
With him.
I hope you he can handle seeing the stars
From your eyes every time you guys cuddle
Under the moon light.
I hope he can teach you how to slow dance
And I hope that he can teach me
On how to be a better man.
Drip. Drip.
I miss the feeling
of the blood dripping
off of my skin. The red color
of the delicious blood. I miss it so
much. It makes me want to do it again.
Thinking about it like this, I remember all the
lonely nights I lay on my tile bathroom floor.
Listening to the drip, drip, drip. Wanting to
finally feel again... Not wanting to be alone
anymore. Wishing someone would come
ask me if I'm okay. Show that they
actually do care for me...
I'd like to hear my heart sing
Songs of loves about me
But I guess I can only hope
Cause I for one am alone

I'd dread the day that I know
That I will end up alone
For my prince lost his way
And found another girl

I guess I'll just sing some love songs
Of what it could've been
As my heart tries to piece
Some broken melodies
It’s not easy when I was five
It’s not easy to grasp everything
Learning these new ‘signs’
So others would empathize
Demoralized only to be scrutinized
Wondering why they always laughed
I never knew how it sounds like
But it hurts me deep inside

It’s not easy when I was ten
They wrote on the board
How I always pretend
I keep smiling despite everything
I did pretend
Pretending tomorrow
Everything will end

It’s not easy when I was fifteen
Almost everyone doesn't comprehend
These hands I use to eat & speak
I can read their lips saying,
But this time I didn't pretend
Mama always told me before she left
"Your voice is louder than the rest!"

It’s easier now that I’m twenty
It actually gets better if I believe
I found true friends along the way
They get furious if I get played
Diminishing negative thoughts to dust
I know now life has its eminence
There are more others like me

What my mama meant before she left
Help those who are in need
Especially to those who are-
*Special like me.
(I didnt expect it to get featured as the daily poem! I'm so happy I get to share this message with everyone. A better understanding to these gifted individuals:) And if u have a friend who's deaf or learning ASL. Let them read this:)
And once again. Thank you so much To everyone who liked and comment!)
Give your love.
Even if you're the one being received.
I just had to write about this.
And i don't see it as a disability,
I see it as a gift.
(Dedicated to this young girl i saw in the train helping a guy in a wheelchair. She was showing directions! I stood there appalled in awe)
P.S: I need a suggestion whether to name this title 'Gift' or 'Hand Signs'??
I think both stood out.
Comment below.
And I also would like you guys to check out this website.
If you buy their headphones you would be giving hearing aids for the   less fortunate.
And I'm not sponsored to do this. I just want to make a change and help to raise awareness:)
If you can help them, please do.:)
What do you see when you look in my eyes?
Is it really me or could it be a disguise?
How could you know that your judgments are true?
Judgments of life, of me, and of you...

What makes you think that we all live the same
Without unique experience, perception, or name?
What gives you right to judge a man's life
When it is so full of love, of hate, and of strife?

Can you not see that what makes one themself
Can't simply be boxed up and put on a shelf?
It takes more than material possessions and things
To make up a life that is worthy for kings.

So open your eyes and see what is there;
Open your eyes to show you still care.
If you do not, you risk going blind
Searching for something you may never find.
We all have been one in some shape or form.
Having an opinion of almost everyone.
We all have a family member.
Who life we don't agree with?
And that mainly when our judgment begins.

Which label us the judgmental people.
Until the script is turned back upon us.

Yes, we still have the try and truth.
Who lives by that taught golden rule?
If you can't say nothing good.
Then don't say anything at all.

We talk about people affairs.
We talk about the wayward child.
We talk about the interracial couple.
We talk about those unmarried with a child.
We talk the bigots we know.
We talk about the political candidates.
We talk about those that talks about us.
And then we go into a defense mode
Cause , we don't want others judging us.

Although , we  are apart of the judgmental people.
Ministers, are no better than us.
They talk about the sinners in the scriptures.
In lessons they use to teaches us.

Will it ever end?
I guess not, as long as we, have the judgmental people in society.
Which I guess includes me.

Is it hard to bite our tongues?
Not really.
But to some it is.
When it's the only way to make friends.
And this is , where your humanity begins?
A full glass of "how could you's?"
Nine fork lifts of "I told you so's" to fill out
Beside the "maybe's" and "hope to be's"
A napkin stitched with "your loss" in continuous patterns
It's no use, no good, I know I misunderstood but
I'd rather starve than awake to this judgmental breakfast.

— The End —