Sabika

Sabika Oct 2018

Tolerant

I try to be tolerant,
but you repeat conversations from your head
assuming I'll play by your script
despite my lack of interest
in your need to repeat the past.

I try to be tolerant but
you won't give me a chance to breathe,
not with those dagger eyes that have been threatened,
not with that yapping mouth that has been triggered,
not with that closed mind that screams to be opened.

You view your world from your eyes and get caught
thinking your view is the best view when it's not.
You view your world from your eyes and get caught
thinking all your thoughts are true and valid when they are not.

I like you best when you remember on your own
that your limitations are limitless,
and together we live in this world of a mess
and call it our home.

Sometimes our feelings and thoughts are not valid. We are human, we can be irrational, this could make us delusional, that's why we need friends/family to give us a reality check, and tell us what is true from their view. So many people are now saying absurd things like it's a fact and we are all just sitting back, tolerating them instead of having conversations about these issues.

#tolerance #subjective #view #thoughts #feelings

Sabika Oct 2018

I Depend on Context

Give me a backstory
and I'll show you a different character
each time.
Give me a time and place,
and I'll show you my morals were lies
and my standards are non-existent,
and that I've had you fooled
in every single appearance;
and I'll make you realize
that my lies
have been consistent.

Don't get it twisted, this poem isn't about me.

#liar #context #fake

Sabika Oct 2018

My Share

I did not come into this world alone.
I was brought through the choices of my ancestors,
as they embody a time where I was not yet born.

I did not come into this world alone,
no.
Instead I came to a people I did not choose,
whose unspoken duty is to be tolerant and trustworthy
and so is mine
and so is mine.

I came into this world alone.
What's in my mind is mine,
and what I share is for the world,
and how I feel is always concealed
behind the masks of unspoken words.

The question is
how much of me is for me,
and how much of me is for the world?

#family #lonely #confusion #ancestors

Sabika Oct 2018

Social Anxiety

My heart races in the thought of you.
This is not love.
"You're nothing!" I repeat in my mind.
But you're not a machine that I can control.
When I look at you, I stand face to face with life itself.
A breathing replica of all its past in one.
Unpredictable.
Your thoughts hidden from view.
To talk to you is a leap of faith,
a risk that weighs heavy on my mind.
It's so much easier to look at you from afar.

#socialanxiety #anxiety

Sabika Oct 2018

I Don't Know You, and I Don't Want to Know You

Foul,
rotten,
something about you gives the stench of burned flesh,
the stain of corroding steel,
the buzzing sound of a thousand insects.
When you talk I feel like centipedes crawl up my spine,
roaches swirl between my toes,
and worms pour out of ears.
My eyes itch, and I twitch
underneath my skin
for your soul
is the foulest din.

We've all met someone like this

#gutfeeling #judge

Sabika Oct 2018

Regret

I let my gaurd down and you slither
between my cracks, wait for my consciousness to whither,
"Perfect", you so viciously whisper.

You shut the lights and cast shadows,
and I don't see these arrows
pointing at me in full view
while I'm blinded by the assumption
that I can trust you.

Shot in the heart,
the lights turn on,
with regret I stare into my blood
for the things I haven't done.

#regret #trust #demons

Sabika Oct 2018

Regress

Alone again,
Like how it was before I was found,
Before I could hear a sound.

My head has turned bleak.
Slowly approaching my peak,
I find it hard to find the words to speak.

And the shadows seep into my cracks
by your command
doubt and drought invade this fertile land
as my world regresses in a state of chaos
and loss
and confusion
with the fusion of hope and contempt
to my ignorance and to your method.

You held me in your palm
and hear my imperfect soul cry from across realms
that shield me from the truth.
I become sad...
Am I mad for wanting better for myself,
better than myself?
Make me better for you.

Spiritual starvation.

#spirituality #spiritual #depression