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i guess it never goes away
that's what i was afraid of
the shame pervades
forgiveness is not enough
you probably don't think of me now
i don't even think you did during the worst of it all
kicked by indifference and racked with doubt
did you mean to make me feel this small

because i still lose sleep
sweating cold in different sheets
i pushed you away from me
but not before it cost my fragility
the price of being naive

there was this song i listened to
where the girl was too young to be haunted
and it made me think of you
and the feeling of being hunted
and sacrificed
for a moment of belonging
in the midst of loneliness
your smile seemed so disarming

now i know you were lying through your teeth
you were never in step with me
cause you get what you came for then ultimately leave
bet you don't feel any better without the closure you dont know you need
i'm still over here losing precious sleep
Feb 18 · 62
black ice
lately it's almost like
i am losing my hold
though i've never had a grip
i had some control
but now i'm slipping
and i'm afraid to know
the consequences of my actions
what happens when you don't let go

realizations hit me
reacting too quickly
it's like the good endings skip me
each new outcome is sickening
i don't want to be a pick me
but i just want someone to pick me

taking a step back
but it didn't help that much
i have to leave this existence
and that distance might still not be enough
but for now i just feel coughed up
all my edges rough
underneath all of my negativity
i swear there is love

it's just when all the realizations hit me
i spin out and react too quickly
my best intentions now feel dingy
i just wanted someone with me
but in my mission for someone to pick me
my own image has become almost sickening
not too far gone
but nearly lost
hate to loathe
it always leads to seeming alone

even if i wish i could receive my own effort in return
that's not what it's all about
i should be a better person by now
Feb 18 · 55
pure destruction
there never was an expectation
just a hope that you might care
i didn't demand salvation
there were no handcuffs on your chair
cause you have to sit with your actions anyways
i don't need control over anyone else
i just wanted to feel safe
i wasn't even seeking help

now there's ugly words
and blocked aggression
spit on the bridge
i received the message
even in the eleventh hour
i move with discretion
something you wouldn't understand
i burn in convalescence
Feb 18 · 649
painting pretty pictures
just one question lingers
what did i do
to deserve the misfortune
of knowing you
and i say that
with a conscious lack of regard
i was led on
for no reason but harm
so it's hard to consider much else
in the aftermath
and it's even harder to sympathize
with a sociopath

recycled memories create fresh wounds
i should have paid more attention the first time through
i wish i pulled away when i saw the signs
i should have believed the emptiness i sensed in your eyes
i should have listened to the voice screamingNONONONO
i think all of these things as i still feel shame finding control
cause as unseen transgressions unfold
and i learn how things actually ran cold
i might hate myself for being naive
but i also finally get to grieve
you couldn't get what you wanted from me
and i still don't even think you know what that is
i don't even think you know why you did what you did
or why you do what you do
but one day it'll catch up to you

imagine the whiplash
Feb 18 · 59
off to better
i realized i didn't need permission
to move on
or have to wait for forgiviness
when i did nothing wrong
except for being young
and having trust
in people who i should've denied
i spent months
trying to pick the pieces up
dust to dust
until i realized i never really needed your love

i cared for a while
for years
i was stout in denial
and watched my deepest fears
come to life one by one
everyone had their fun
tearing me down at my weakest
like i didn't try hard enough
like i deserved to feel so scuffed
i'd never hurt this much

and i've never felt this bad
or since
it all just tore me right in half
and where were my 'friends'
while i mourned myself
i needed help
you saw the moment as a chance
cleanse yourself
i didn't want anything else
but of course you still brought me hell

and now you hate me
for walking away
i can still hear you complaining
because my existence must have caused you so much pain
remind me again
how i dont know what i said
that i'm awful and deplorable
i forget the rest

i'm ******* glad i left
Feb 18 · 62
prayers to whom
i hate to admit it
  but i wish you were dead
i didn't before
  but now i'm absolutely fed
up with the abuse
  cause you break what you can't take
and you already took so much
  yet you're still fueled by hate

  i waited and prayed
  even though i grew impatient
  and i don't believe in your god
i compromised and forgave
someone who never stopped harming me
just to say i gave it a shot

  because my whole life
  you've told me it's my fault
  for not doing everything you asked
i buried myself
and pushed so hard to do it right
even while you held me back

  i was only twelve
  what did you want
  i couldn't figure it out the first time
now i'm an adult
i don't have to do it anymore
yet you still wreak havoc on my life

you take
and what you can't take you break
and i hate to say it
but i wish you would just die
and when i see that day
i'll still cry by your grave
but in a hug where i've buried my face
i'll hide the smallest smile

i'll be happy
we all will
i love you somehow
but you burn everything
and everyone you touch
i'm sick of the draining obligation
that is loving you
be well
but please
for the love of your God
be gone
Jan 15 · 64
i hate men
i didn't say all
so before you try to patronize me
let me actually talk
i hate men
i never said all
but you know the ones i mean
a majority evading fault

i hate when i have to prove myself
when i've bent over backwards to please
my grace and wit dismissed
i'm supposed to laugh when they harrass me
when i report
i'm a tease
or i'm a *****
or i don't get how the joke was funny
the ***** gallery wants to chip in
keep the two cents
i don't need the nuisance
or the blatant violation
***** in my mouth
when you act like i'm just some doll to play with
somebody is lying
and i know it's not me
you say whatever it takes
to slip underneath
defiling is easy
taking is too
irresistible sin
at least for you
but i'm too drunk
and i'm too scared
you're too selfish
to ******* care
i hadn't slept
on arrival i was wrecked
eyes a painful red
disgusted as i left
after two hours of awful sleep
the night finally hit me
and i cried the whole way home
i wish i just ignored my phone
they never mean what they say
they'll lie to get their way
half the job is done if they get you through the door
and since i accepted the invitation it cant be ****
i can hear the ***** gallery calling me a regretful *****

i dont need them to believe me
i just wish somebody cared
you never even liked me
i'm coming to terms with that
i am still deciding
whether i am hurt or if i'm mad
ruined my outlook to put it politely
with lazy lies and takebacks
stupid **** to spite me
cause you're triggered by the facts

if everything i say is true
then the problem must be you
can't stand for that
no way
four point back
for shame

you're so quick to blame others
when you make a mistake
nine times out of ten
what you broke was easy to replace
in your fight to be right you lose sight
of who helped you in the first place

at first it was exciting
until we fell out of step
you were out here fraternizing
getting comfy with my bullies and my ex
even had the ***** to invite me
then seemed suprised i was upset
almost like it was sacrificing
to give me minimal respect

lately i don't find it much surprising
when it comes to how scummy you'd get
it's impressive how calm you are when lying
almost like you really do miss me being your friend
don't antagonize me
it's funny that now you save your breath
cause i saw right through that crying
it's hard to not resent myself
for allowing you to undermine me
Aug 2022 · 85
adrenal n
something isn't adding up
but then it all makes sense
i want to collapse into the moment
using the emotion to ascend
giving it time to develop
and when it reaches that sweet maturity
the syrupy feeling envelopes me
i find temporary refuge from insecurity
coughing up love and other byproducts
trying to decide how it all tastes
rumination and divination
your favorite place in my brain
i miss it too and it's only been hours
scared to want something i could lose
but sometimes the best we'll ever get is that simple
i am wound up and around you

i like it when it's calm like this
even though the silence only makes it easier to hear the things i wish i didn't
i never want it to change
Aug 2022 · 251
don't play dumb with me now
that double standard
don't feel so good
when it's you on the other side
but it wouldn't be you
because i watched you burn
as the arson just scaped by
and no i didn't look for good
in a place where
there was none to be found
i didn't wanna hear his story
or see his face
or become adjusted to the sound
of lies and violation
belittlement and manipulation
i wanted nothing but to see you okay
but you laugh with my abusers
and flock to my tormentors
like you didn't see any of my pain

and maybe
just maybe
you didnt
at the time
but what could you speak to now
Aug 2022 · 73
the fear of not being enough for you
is crippling and lonely
i'd share but it'd seem like a bid for attention
and it just isn't like that at all
i watch you be kind
and find love for people
living everyday with this lightness
bringing happiness to everyone
who ever has the fortune of
meeting you
wonderful you
and i see myself
struggling to find patience
a fight to keep the illness contained
knowing i can be better
because i have been better
and i've slowly gotten better
but i'm just not who i want to be
i hope you don't see
how hurt
how tired
how lost
how weak i've come to be
but instead
i hope you know
how much better you have made me
just by showing me
there's so much to be grateful for
and that i wont always be the person
that i am today
one day
i hope i'm more like you
wonderful you
Aug 2022 · 65
right now
i feel stupid
you were someone else before
and all i see now is this
of mistakes and accidents
and things done on purpose
for self gratification
or recognition
that feeling of eyes
can drive a person mad
all of the time
i spent worrying
about how MY actions could affect YOU
just to feel like
you never thought of mine at all
to love is to remember
and you didn't even forget
you just didn't learn me in the first place
Aug 2022 · 46
one promise
if you can't love me
let me die
if you can't trust me
let me lie
keep your requests
save your goodbyes
if you can't love me
just let me die

it's always something
you always find
a problem with me
and you're always right
it's all on me
to make it right
if you can't forgive me
i might as well die

said it about
a hundred times
a hundred more
to say i tried
when you dont love me
don't you lie
be man enough
to watch me die
no sleep for the torn
keep the fire burning
by tearing up the floorboards
effectively destroying the house
the temple you've learned to hate
is it too late to love myself
or could i get another take
a second chance to be grateful for
what hasn't happened
or am i the type of broken that can't be fixed
defined by somebody else's actions

dear god
i hope the **** not
Jan 2022 · 823
get outta there
i bet you wouldn't like it

impeding my peace
embedded in my dreams
inserting yourself in to
all of my most secret fantasies
waking up unwillingly
rolling over back to sleep
right back to where we
left off so casually

in the dreamscape it's so nice
but it's so toxic in real life
Jan 2022 · 212
mere mortals
satan was his favorite angel
and he still let him fall
then what's the hope for the rest of us
a dead line receiving a desperate call
i'm not graceful
or gentle or timid or light
i'm angry and clumsy
and confused and can't decide
but i thought i chose you
but all i did was pretend
can't build a relationship with someone
who won't even try to be your friend
Jan 2022 · 80
forever and ever and ever
but why
must i
be everything
i don't
but i try
and it leaves me
feeling like nothing
i want him to see me
as something i'm not
i want them to like me
but i'm too tired to lie
and i tried already
i want to be good
but i make mistakes
i hurt people
and say horrible things
lying at night
how awful i am
just awful
i'm tired
and i don't wanna argue
or ruin your good time
i just feel bad
and there's nothing i can do
so there's nothing you can do
don't worry
it'll be like this forever
Jan 2022 · 109
moody haze
don't depend on me to be better than you
not at this point
i was good to you and i tried my best
and you made your choice

because everything i was wasn't what you wanted
failed attempts to be what you needed
i changed to fit your vision but you couldn't see it through
and now you don't wanna believe it

i was so good to you even when you burned me
even now i'm not mad i'm just hurt
i waited for you to love me
now i just wait to leave this earth

i'm not gonna tell everyone your secrets
or list every wrongdoing for fun
i'll just fall apart until i don't fall apart anymore
and find peace in the fact that we're done

it's all that i can do
Jan 2022 · 78
onetwothree strikes
on a text on the word
for anything at all
in my mind and in my room
getting nowhere at all

it's like you want me
but there's something wrong
or you hate me
but i turn you on
i can't tell
and either *****
it's night like these
i wish we never ******

if i should say something
or pretend this is fine
that you aren't gonna hurt me
and that you'll make up your mind

because it's like you want me
but i'm not enough to make you happy
or you hate me
but it's too easy to just pass me
i can't tell
but i hate that this is how things are
it's nights like this
i wish i didn't have a heart


jus­t want this feeling to go away
that i'm nothing and the shame
or that i was just some conquest to claim
but that's the only way
i can make it make sense in my brain
and i wanted you anyway
how sad is that
couldn't really say
Jan 2022 · 49
melaton n
it's so sad
these dreams i have
where i have you
they'll be over soon
but i can't forget
the feeling of your skin
pressed into mine
even though i'm haunted half the time
remembering what i've done
i just regret being young
it's just killing me to have this space
but there's nothing i'm willing to say
to make it change
because what if you just don't feel the same

i don't know if i could take it
i'm this weak
for you
i'm gonna fall back asleep
so i can feel that way again
you're too strong
Jan 2022 · 45
drawn and quartered
fork in the road
either way *****
but i know
it's all for the best
either i get what i want
or i don't
i have to live with
whatever happens next

it feels like if i
don't take the leap
i only hurt myself
but saying these things
and owning these feelings
feels a lot like hurting myself

but thats just cause
i'm throwing myself out of the comfort zone
cause it's easy to love the pain you know
all i knew when i woke up today
was that something here has got to change

and its like
what else can i do
or should i do
am i doing too much
or too little
getting excited for what
i'm so tired of myself
and the expectations that loom

if all else fails
i have my dreams
but those get ruined
even in the silence i don't want to keep
Jan 2022 · 49
you knew
i know
i'm getting dusted away
like nothing
i hate that i feel how i feel
i wish i felt nothing at all
i resent you for being okay
i hate myself for letting myself be used
i this
i that
i need to disappear
i wish i was anybody else
because i'm tired of the skin i'm in
i don't serve a purpose anymore
other than to ruin everything i touch
Jan 2022 · 48
can't wake up
i woke up everyday
feeling bad but going out of my way to feel worse
now i know what you think that i'm worth
i flinch recalling the bite of those words
so much i could say but i don't wanna see you hurt
and i guess that's where we are different

i woke up everyday
unfortunately and tried to push off the thoughts
how could i be wrong
for wanting what everyone does
you keep telling me how i feel
but that wasn't how it was
compromise isn't an ultimatum

i woke up everyday
and all i asked was
to be met with equity
you took all my charity
now you left me
feeling like i was wrong on the deepest level
for ever wanting something more
hearing everything you say
i wake up the same kind of sore

i wake up everyday
and cry sometimes too
because i'm tired of pretending
and i might end up hating you

you said it with no hesitation
you took what was worth it for you
and you left the best parts of me
and told me they meant nothing
stupid stupid stupid

but it's okay
i'll be glad you're gone
when this doesn't hurt so much
it's just that it still hurts so much
Jan 2022 · 65
game of risk
that kindness i'd extended
i hoped you'd be different
i hoped wrong
you dont know what you want
dragging this on
want me soft enough to crush
want me easy and gone
i dont care at all
but i still do
tell myself
i dont want to hear from you
but there's nothing wrong
with the truth
a small part of me wishes
you're wishing too
struggling with accepting
that i'm not wrong feeling these ways
the highs of intimacy
and the confusion of space
wanting all the beautiful things
strewn about my brain
quite far from reality
but it's an addicting escape
from the depressing finalities
set in stone
i listen to logic
but i also don't know
it all makes sense
but i still don't
want it to end
but i won't stop you though

i took all of my chances
and its your turn to walk off the ledge
and blindfolded
just trusting me to catch you
and who knows
maybe i just would
or maybe you'd fall into the same trap
but you'll never find out
because you don't find me worthy of such
Jan 2022 · 60
hopeless pedantics
till one day love came to take us
where is something we do not know
she covered our eyes and hushed our lips
and delivered our lonely bones
to this we find ourselves
personal hells

the mess is made and i see it clear
i want it better but i want you here
i'm either doubtful and lonely
or lonely and doubtful
can't make the sun rise on me
everyday feels the same
groundhog day

and i feel bad so i try
but you want that reaction
you dont really want me
you want an idea
an ideal
craving ****** attraction
and i understand
but i just can't

be nothing to help you feel
i fall apart and you leave me to deal
you want an ideal
not the person whose actually real

and that makes me want to die
all the love i have despite
every reason you could think of for me to not
yet i do and all it does is cost
stop asking
you dont want to know
you dont want it
but you won't leave it alone
shaking something fragile
you'll be cut up when i break
you dont want any of this mess
but you ignore everything i say
you want to hear something
you asked me not to feel
can't rely on what if's
and it's never allowed to be real
so where do we go
from this awful place
the need for closure
competes with the plead for space
do you want my kindness
or do you need forgiveness
if i'm immature for my secrets
why are you still showing interest
i tried to keep my heart to myself
so you couldn't tear it up to shreds
still did myself no good
the fog takes up my head
it's easier to forget
and you won't own your end
i just dont know how you expect me
to be okay and be your friend
Dec 2021 · 59
so let the sunshine in
sunlight peeking through
telling me today has started
and when it's rays burn my retinas
readjusting to the brightness
i know that something has to change

i'm too tired to keep lying
and say it isn't all too much
or maiming myself
in the hopes of being loved
of all the things i want
i only need myself
not your kindness nor your acceptance
not even your help
although i asked
i know now that's not a guarantee
you can't appreciate my heart
but that isn't a fault of me
it all is what it is
and i gotta be happy despite those things
recreating my reality
instead of harping on lost dreams
Dec 2021 · 77
butterfly scales
you dont have to love me
i already know
it's always something
out out my control
beyond my power
i'm weak and you're repulsed
want my patience and affection
but can't bear to keep close
which is it now
what's it gonna be
you can't have it all
and be indifferent to me

i gotta know
Dec 2021 · 131
what else could be a problem
i couldn't even say
i wake up everyday
and find new ways to waste
the little energy i have
on people who never change
wanting to be acknowledged
but just gonna have to wait
or move on before
i give the last of it away
and i can't muster up the effort
to convince myself to stay

i am trying
but thats nothing
when i have nothing at the end of the day

i wanna be understanding
and share so much love
but that gets drowned out by the pain
Dec 2021 · 71
made up
i woke up this morning
and knew inside
i just knew
you couldn't ever love me
not because i'm unlovable
or anything bad
but just because
you only feel me as a stroke to your ego
because who else
is asking about your day
or hearing you out lately
and wanting to know your woes
or sending a message first
no one
and i just wanted to be nice
and maybe show you what it could be like
and i really thought i liked you
and i'm not gonna stop being kind
but i can't pretend this isn't what it is
i'd die before i let myself become
a nothing to someone
who wants me to curate they're everything
so they can live without feeling
i'm not an emotional cumrag
i wanna see you happy
but i wanna be happy too
Dec 2021 · 62
dear abby
cold shoulders turned into
the warmest embrace
will always love you
but would never say that to your face
had me there dangling
and i got dropped in the swoon
abandoned me
like the sun runs from the moon
nothing else i could've done
gave all i had
i'm glad we can still talk
and we didn't stay mad
that you feel safe confiding
and trust me even after
learned my heart
bet you remember when it shattered
but i can't lie
you coming to me and asking for help
so you can give the love you never gave to me
to somebody else
is cruel and it hurts
i don't have those feelings anymore
but my heart still breaks
for the girl who loved you before
all she wanted is what you're giving
to somebody else right now
guess i just gotta live with fact
that i wasn't enough somehow
it just isn't fair
but life never is
i tell you the truth
and that is this
i want you to be happy
and do what feels right
but that's all i can say
cause nothing else would be right
Dec 2021 · 61
i hated myself
i don't
know best
i just knew
that i was in pain
i did what i thought
would make me feel okay
i don't even
feel like myself
i dont even
deserve your help

i'd say sorry
but i don't know if you'd care
and if you did
that'd break my heart
Dec 2021 · 51
the many many things out of my control
everytime i forget the other stuff
another five thoughts sprout in its place

and ruin the vibe i'm trying to keep
i need to not care as much as i do
but ideas keep me frozen in place

i'm not trying to be difficult
or act like i'm special
it's just a lot and i don't know how to feel about it all

no more no more
i'm only me
and i already feel so small
Dec 2021 · 59
high on you
it's the peculiar pain
of knowing how
excited i get
when i think of
seeing you
or how nervous i become
worrying about what to say
knowing you don't feel the same
that same rush

i bet
your friends have never heard about me
and if i was mentioned
it was probably not by name
just in offhand
like yeah
i ****** that one girl again
just another body

you dont have conversations
revolving around how your actions
might impact my feelings
or even think about that about that at all
i bet
but i do for yours and
i bet
you would laugh at me if you knew
or you'd just run

and the shock
of the realization
knocks me out of orbit
this idea of who i am
to anyone around me
means nothing
and you are just the first example

and as i start unraveling
and acknowledging all my **** ups
and shortcomings
and everything i wish
would just be different
about the world
and myself
i drown in the feeling
that i shouldn't even try
my powerlessness
my weakness
i hate myself
for all the things
i can't will myself to be
and the thoughts i can't control
getting too self aware
and i suffer

one too many nights
of medicated sleep
now i can't fight the universe
revealing things to me
or is it the devil
trying to get under my skin
with these horrible visions
i can't be sure

i want to be safe
and i want to be alive
but i want to feel alive
and i'm tired of being alive

loop di loop di loop
it all starts and ends with you
and you don't even matter
because i don't matter to you
my brain won't let me love someone
who can not love me back
but i still feel attachment
because i'm stupid
and i actually liked you despite
all of the ugly thoughts in my head

now i'm rambling
and i make no sense
that one crossfade lyric
what i really meant to say
is i'm sorry for the way i am

i can't help but ruin everything
Dec 2021 · 57
no tagbacks
i don't know what it was
i just woke up
and after everything we've done
i had enough
i want to be free of your touch
and ever elusive love
i'm not built for
someone so rough

no explanations
for me either
so don't feel cheated
besides now you get to keep her
your life goes back
everything basically the same
all that i knew was crushed
but i'll cope with that pain

just let me alone now
you've done enough at this point
it's not about how you'd feel
it's my choice
Dec 2021 · 215
the mediator
whatever happened
doesn't matter
melting into laughter
pull her up on top of you
nice and slow
i'm far far away
while she sleeps close
i'm nothing now
i know, i know
it wasn't the end
but its still a blow
took what you needed
said your piece
corrupted every last
hope and dream
so why can't you
just leave it be
take everything else
just let me have me
Dec 2021 · 65
violent tide
calming down
neither right
i know that now
silent amends
don't want space
just a little understanding
and for you to say

no more texts
no more people getting in the way
too many words for something so simple
caught up on things so trivial
i don't want it like this
can't we just pretend

melodies slide
melting so sweet
i forgive you
you forgive me
today doesn't have
to be yesterday
somehow we can
make this okay

no more words
or feelings hurt
too much stress over something so little
the things we got caught on we should just forget them
if we don't want it like this
can't we just pretend
Dec 2021 · 215
believing you're nothing
so you treat yourself like nothing
waking up realizing
this is what you wanted
but you just wanted to make someone feel good
since all it seems like you do is fail
a steep price for a broken solution
to a problem you could've fixed
by being honest with yourself
why couldn't you just be wrong
now nothing is alright
Dec 2021 · 351
i wouldn't dare
it's red never green
but its black when i can't see
when it pools in my eyes
and slides down my cheeks
the feeling so indescribably large
yet nothing but a point in the void
the only thing helping me navigate
is the faint sound of your voice
because i'm lost in nowhere
looking for a way to get somewhere that doesn't exist
at least not yet
but i still wanna look for it

heaven could be closer than i'd like to think
but i'll have to crawl through hell just to have that peace
and i don't think i have it in me
i can't afford to gamble with my last good thing

just skip me until i'm ready
Dec 2021 · 112
there's so many stars up there
i wanna ask questions but i'm too scared
that you won't care
or i'll just be talking too much

too many too count but still i try
almost as many thoughts in my mind
there would never be enough time
to tell you how it really was

but when the symphony begins to play
for a moment everything feels okay
you may have dropped my hand
but i don't register the pain

i'm exploring all the ways this could go
the words i almost had crawl back down my throat
you dont need to worry about me anymore
i'll never have the answers when there's so much to know
Nov 2021 · 53
simply uncivil
selfish and in denial

my understanding and patience
is not a given
yet you still feel entitled

so what if you want more
if you don't want it all
the mental vacations you go on
everytime i try to talk
about the ******* problems
you ignore because they don't affect you
i'm not here to be ignored
besides what else can i do
the second i'm inconvenient
you shut down and pull away
don't look at me like that now
you obviously wanted it this way

cause how many bridges am i supposed to rebuild
couldn't tell me when it has gone too far
you want what you want and you do what you do
even if it means breaking my heart

so buck the **** up since you're so tough
and none of it ever mattered
i'm gonna be fine just give it some time
once i'm detached from this disaster

go ahead and show me
what i'm missing and how you're so ******* amazing
i've seen enough and i lost nothing
but a person who lied in love because they thought they could replace me
Nov 2021 · 339
fundamentally speaking
youre not wrong
you're just not gonna be right in the end

i understand what you're thinking
but its just not that simple
the regret'll eventually set in

destroying myself
for a little bit of comfort
it's fun for whatever that's worth

know i'm choosing hell
in a couple months i'll be chewed up
for now i'm not concerned
Nov 2021 · 93
if i had you
i wouldn't need anybody else
but you won't take me
so now i've gotta fend for myself
looking into me
and turning over once you're done
seeing what you wanna see
no longer interested whatever it was
don't want to assume the worst
and i'm not trying to be scummy
but you can only make me feel so stupid
and take so much from me
before i can't be as patient and kind
as i really wanna be
i just wanna be treated like a person
it's not even that deep
Nov 2021 · 90
get off of me
am i toxic
or am i right
that's how you like it
when i put up a fight

but i don't want to be right
i want to be alive
Nov 2021 · 69
it's misplaced hatred
but blame me if you want
i couldn't be the idea of the person
you wanted to believe in so bad

dont't worry though
you let me know it too
how i was the worst
because i couldn't love you back

in the same way
i still care even now
but that doesn't matter
and i don't know if i will ever reach forgiveness

all i can hope
is that you learn to find happiness
in yourself and not rely on others
to be the cure of your human sickness

i didn't know who i was
but you wanted me to be your everything
i was always gonna fail
because it's impossible to fulfill such fantasy
for years i doubted my decisions
because i felt horrible for not being who you needed
your selfishness no longer has its hooks in me
still even now i'm fighting your demons

tell me how the **** is that fair
Nov 2021 · 1.1k
lesson learned
**** the blood off my teeth
i let myself get this weak
slithered through the gapes
bit down as soon as it was safe
waited till i was comfortable
at my most vulnerable
you knew i wouldn't survive
but if it makes you feel alive
there is nothing you wouldn't do
Nov 2021 · 614
answer. the. question.
satan was his favorite angel
and he still let him fall
don't wanna assume the worst for you
but something about this feels wrong
why wouldn't you hurt me is a question
i hate to ask but i hear in the back of my mind
everytime you linger just a bit longer
and try to stare into my eyes
so what if you want more
if you don't want it all
don't wanna invest the last of my trust
if you're gonna just drop the ball
this is a lot for me and a lot to me
sorting through emotions
definitions and technicalities
seem like such commotion
why can't we just try to give the other
what they ask without thinking too much
but expecting you to be as thoughtful as me
is asking too much

i just wanna make you feel good
what are you trying to do to me
Nov 2021 · 66
you know they say love is blind
all your red flags up on display
with thousands of views
you ****** with my head
now i feel so alone and used

you said you wanted me
you lied through your teeth
you said you wanted me
that you would never leave
and now i'm left here so ******* confused

look at all my insecurities
now on display for the world to see
you made me feel useless
left to clean up this mess
once again

you said you wanted me
you lied through your **** teeth
you said you wanted me
that you would never leave
look at me sitting here struggling to breathe

i told you how i felt
you still show no remorse or guilt
still no response
no spontaneous admission of love
that i wish your heart felt
look at me picking up my pieces once again
the distance ruined what could have been

red flags that were somehow not seen
when you said you wanted me
when you promised to never leave
you lied through your **** teeth
and you know it

trusted you with with my insecurities
thought we were sharing vulnerability
now as i struggle to breathe
it's out in the open for all to see
and you condone it

you control it
if you feel guilty
you don't show it
facade never cracks
not for a moment

i should've known it
with most of these feelings
i've outgrown them
nonetheless i'm here
but i don't wanna own it

i told you how i felt
still no response, still no guilt, no remorse
no attempts at reaching out from your end

no spontaneous admission of love
look at me picking up my pieces once again
the distance ruined what could have been
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