youcancallmesierra

youcancallmesierra Jun 20

i never said i could walk on water
or that my feelings wouldn't be a bother
but you cant hide your disappointment
as i get swept into the current

as the tide crashes it swallows me whole
and i dont think you've ever been this cold
just watch as it carries me away
bitter to the very last wave

blaming me for what i wouldn't be
acting blindsided when i never missed a beat
trying to tell you how to steer back into safe waters
you couldn't even bother

so as you spit on an empty grave
cursing those who speak my name
remember who hurt who
the person you should be projecting on is you

not trying to be insensitive with the title. think exasperation 🥲

youcancallmesierra Jun 20

riddle me this

the meaning of life changes
every other day
i missed you for a while
but i didn't miss the pain
i wanted to live freely
before i knew of shame
i wanted to love deeply
until it was easier to blame

so i stare into the puddle
and splash my face away
life would be easier
if i wasn't the same person everyday
if i didn't have to live by
what i died for yesterday
the muscle memory of trauma
the pit of doubt left in your wake

i'm not saying i'm not grateful
and i'm not trying to play a game
i'm not special or above it all
i succumb and i flub and double down on mistakes
i forget what i can't reconcile
i let words form sentences i should never say
and thats all to say
today was a pretty sad day

i want to help
but there's nothing i can do

youcancallmesierra Jun 20

both realities exist

play your broken record
if it makes you feel better
make love to your favorite lie
enjoy it if just for the night
before the sound of joy crashes
and we're sweeping up ashes
make yourself comfortable in the world you forged
before it crumbles away and there's nothing left to morph

the pictures behind your eyes
words that wet tight stitched lips
a boundless universe inside your closed off mind
when will it finally be worth the risk

if you say yes
if you say no
it won't change what happens in the end
maybe let what's never been said out
and don't be afraid to sound pitiful
that's the human experience baby

youcancallmesierra Jun 20

stages of relief

the universe must have some sort of humiliation kink
all these stupid ******* things keep happening to me
shouldn't let it knock me over but it's a lot to conceive
so much to do and fix and be
but i'm so tired of being angry
of hating everything that hates me
fighting things they cannot see
to keep the castle from crumbling

but **** the castle
and the walls they want
i'm bare on this altar
and ready to bleed
the only reason i hurt
is because i care for you
and when i don't want it anymore
you cannot keep me here
when it isn't worth it
i charge forward
you cannot hurt me anymore
this is what they mean
when they say
forgiveness is for yourself
you dont know me anymore
and that's gonna eat away at you until you die
maybe that's just enough for me

Jun 20

My Dear Poet

My old shoe

my old shoe carries me
through walks of life
the dirt, dust and poo
through to the end
and if my shoe can do
then how much the more
you too, can too
my friend

#friendship #life #shoe

youcancallmesierra Jun 20

i feel different today

hot wind blows through my hair
i was angry before i didn't care
the circumstances left me bare
and i just had to leave it there
my hopes and dreams for us two
all the love i had for you
fades from black and blue
i'm experiencing something new
more surreal and vivid than i ever have
i wished that you had had my back
but now i never want what we had back
why would i settle for that
when i see something brighter on the horizon
my energy as a whole has brightened
the burden of nurturing others lightened
fresh and free and so excited
each day that passes makes it further away
flowers blooming on a months old grave
i'd never have known if i had stayed
i dont wanna sleep anymore days away

finally
i want to be awake for this next part
the future is almost

in a good way