i said

what if i kissed you right now
kinda missed seeing you around
with each wrist pinned down
there's no where to fall but to the ground
and man is the descent soft
you infiltrate my thoughts
so used to saying stop
weird to rather not
strange to not turn away
unfamiliar but a trusting face
with every shadow i touch and trace
i'm more deluded than yesterday

let's make it a competition
how would you like that
if you could lose it would you risk it
or would you hold back
when everything is riding on your decision
do you still have time to be mad
if you would lose me would you risk it
because that's starting to become the facts

i don't hate her
i hate me
can't feel happy
lately
it's not that deep
i'm crazy
it's already over
but i'm still waiting

i'm still hung up
still held back
asking myself
what the **** was that
replaying every second
taking my time to backtrack
when you're already moved on
i'm caught in the facts

and you could say i'm overthinking
and i shouldn't let it get to my head
but this isn't choice because if it was
do you think this would be what i would ******* choose

why in the **** would i want to feel
like even at my best
i'm still a last resort
to you

tell me to be sensible
not sensitive
i'm only like this
because you slipped up again
you don't like this version
of me you handcrafted
whining about ****
you literally made happen

hypocritical
metaphysical
muffled words
remain incomprehensible
too nonsensical
always so literal
i can't help myself
from being this cynical

the last time i smiled
it ended it in tears
the last time i cared
must be back a couple years
whatever you have to say
won't change a thing
its awfully late to be trying
to save me