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JA S-Mine Jan 2018
The demon queen & king of high school
want to:
die
scream
cry
break
kick
leave
not exist

so instead they make others:
feel invisible
leave
get kicked out
spirit break
cry
scream
want to die

it's all just a cover-up
for only the best
because the weak die
and the strong survive
JA S-Mine Feb 2018
my hands are
red
my lips are blue
yet i'm still
longing for you
cause you made my
heartbeat
more than it used to
now it slowly
s l o w l y . . .
going
away

flat line
i think she's gone by now
i don't know why
we tried

there won't be miracle
to save me now
im gone
g o n e . . .

you
look
  like
   you
    saw
     a
      ghost
JA S-Mine Feb 2018
I wanna change the way I look,
the way I feel,
the way I am.

I've started drawing all over,
my arms,
and legs,
and wrists,
because the blade is no fun.

I'm drinking more water,
clearing my skin,
fixing my appearance.

I get looks,
I get comments,
I get praise.

I do, however,
miss the old me,
that me had more fun.

The old me didn't sleep,
always ate,
never worked out,
played video games,
drew on thier arms,
legs,
face,
body.

The old me is gone,
because everyone else likes,
the new me,
oh so,
very much,
more
JA S-Mine Apr 2018
I wore a scarf for a year to make my words warm for you
t h a t s  a  l i e  n o  i  d i d n t . . .
i wore your sweater for a month so i smelled like you
j k  y o u  s m e l l  l i k e  c h e e z i t  d u o s . . .
I kissed you while you were sleeping so you would dream of me
a h a h a  y o u  t h o u g h t . . .
I love you
l m a o o o o o o . . .
i havent posed in forver so heres some trash
JA S-Mine Dec 2017
There's this boy in my math class
He doesn't talk, he doesn't interact
He sits in the back, to my left
He likes doodling
He spoke to me once
He looked me in the eye once
His eyes are blue
Nice to know

There's this boy in my science class
He doesn't speak, he doesn't socialize
He sits in the back, to my right
He was playing music on his phone once
He likes loud things
Nice to know

There's this boy in my French class
He only speaks in that class
He asks me questions a lot in that class
He called me beautiful in French once
That was nice to hear

There was this boy in my PE class
He wasn't that fast cause he kept up with me
He liked to talk to me in PE class
He liked to talk to me
That was nice to know

There's this boy I knew
He only spoke to me
He didn't socialize without me
That was dependable

There is this boy
Rotting 6 feet underground
He doesn't speak
He doesn't move
He doesn't breathe
That wasn't nice to know
I don't know
JA S-Mine Feb 2018
why does red,
the color associated with anger,
also the color of passion,
fate,
and love?

asking a child,
one whom has never fell in love,
nor seen true love,
in their existence-

(now you wait little miss,
your parents are in love,
are they not?)

-you'd be wrong to assume,
my mother loved my father,
anymore, that is...

love is dead,
my mother hummed to him,
our love is dead
JA S-Mine Jan 2018
my pen hits paper,
my mind spits words,
nothing from the heart,
nothing from the soul,
for I don't have one

is that relatable enough,
to say i'm dead inside,
to say that i'm soulless

i wish to be correct in the word form
but alas
i cannot
JA S-Mine Feb 2018
I got beat
for getting a D
a nod for a C
an empty "good job" for a B
and a "that's what you should get
every day, all the time,
what do you want? A good job?"
for an A

I couldn't get your approval
After 6 years
I still can't get your approval

So I did something,
to get your attention

I drew blood.
In front of you.
You threw me another knife.
"Is it worth it?"
"Your begging for attention."
So I continued.
Until I passed out.

I woke up.
You screamed.
You slapped me.
You said that was useless.
You said I was mental.

I tried speaking up for myself.
You slapped me again.

No matter what I do.
I will never satisfy you.
wear heelies to escape your feelies. too bad my parents won't let me get any.
JA S-Mine Jan 2018
i keep a notebook
this is my notebook
filled with everything
and anything

i write
and i sob
while keeping a straight face
i let my depression speak
my blue pen touches paper
it bleeds through

i keep a notebook
this is my notebook
filled with notes
and snide remarks

i write
and i bite my lip
as my anger takes my place
red over white
he writes in cursive

i had a notebook
it was my notebook
filled with math equations
and reasons to live

i wrote
and i felt
as my emotions took over
as the smoke of burning memories
touches the clouds

i had a rope
and it was my rope
i had an apple tree
and it was my apple tree
i had a life
and it was my life
i had
sorry for the depressing poem, feeling those feelings like the rest of you
JA S-Mine Jan 2018
while the thunder cracks,
and you blow up my phone,
text after text,
you're scared,
you want this to be over,
you wish for silence,
you don't speak a word to me,
the person right next to you.

"you can just say everything your typing"
i don't want to be a bother
"you won't"
...
maybe so
i won't risk it though

text after text
the thunder stops after 20 minutes
your shaking hands cease their fire
on the burning phone
between them

"you alright?"
yeah

you reach for my arm,
then pull back,
then reach again,
hesitate,
hesitate,
hesitate.

you grab my arm,
you don't say anything else,
you're asleep

i want to say 3 simple words
but i wouldn't want to be a bother
Run
JA S-Mine Jan 2018
Run
run until your legs break
run until your heart aches
run until you see the light and drop to darkness
then wake up
and run again

running makes me wheeze
running makes me hurt
running
until
i
can't
run
anymore
JA S-Mine Jan 2018
do you ever hear
someone call your name
when they need you

but when you call their name
when you need them
you get only silence

you contact them
until they block you
you speak to them
until they say something

then you stop
you fill your part of the conversation
with silence

silence
silence
silence

one day
while your silent
someone asks you to speak
so you do

then you stop
because you get interrupted
spoken over
ignored
told to shush

so you go back
to the silence

the cycle repeats itself
until you die
JA S-Mine Jan 2018
the words you spit,
cut like knives,
it doesn't hurt,
not yet

the words you write,
about me,
sometimes it makes me think,
you cant cope,
can you?

im trying to help,
you push me away,
you're right,
i don't understand your pain

i'd rather you cry,
and scream and kick,
then play another mind game

you can't tell whats real,
what's fake, what's good,
what's bad,
cause no one can really say

but when your gone,
i hope that can lead me,
the "right" way,
to home.
JA S-Mine Feb 2018
He feels dead, but here he is
Fixing her dress, saying she looks fine
He wipes the tears, from her eyes
She looks beautiful, he insists.

Now this man wasn't very happy,
His crush (for 3 years) is getting married,
But there he is,
Walking her down the aisle.

He was the man,
who walked her down.
He was the priest,
who blessed their marriage.
He was the man,
who patted the groom on the back,
said, "Treat her well."
He won't.
JA S-Mine Jan 2018
i  met you once before
at a party, nothing more
after that party i forgot you
your face
your name
you

i don't  have dreams
i never do
they
really have nothing to do with you
just wanted to let you know

then i saw you again
you weren't different
i dont think

you flirted
i played along
i sang a song
with a snickers bar
and danced with you
around the room
you picked me up
spun me around
when you  put me down
i wanted to frown

but that was fun
the fun is done
well not yet
i dunno, this doesn't make sense
JA S-Mine Jan 2018
no matter what,
whether it be over the phone,
in person,
by note,
by mutual understanding,
you will leave.

i ask when you will,
cause i'd like a warning,
before my world,
crashes around me.

i ask if your happy,
do you like me,
am i clingy,
should i be more involved,
am i annoying,
why do you like me,
what's your favorite color,
middle name,
dream,
asperation,
favorite food,
just to hear your voice.

you make me feel secure,
safe,
and alive.

without warning,
leaving me out of the blue,
i'll feel cold,
alone,
and dead,
in a matter of 30 seconds.

— The End —