Hands caught
Glowing red
But I never meant
To play the act
I tried to save
And heal the head
But I dug too deep
And it hurt too bad
So instead
I chose to fall
But not alone
I brought my world
To watch it burn
I sit with nothing
Awaiting turn
For death I pray
But for life I yearn

I bled the brain
Destroyed the soul
I'm left praying now
To evolve
But all these thoughts
Just bring me pain
Extract them
From my skull
All these things
I've learned to live with
All those things I've loved
But all these things
Are killing me
And have caused
My fall from self
For the hand
That feeds
Is the same hand
That beats
And keeps me
To the ground

I had to hit the floor
Before I could learn
That I was able to soar

Found shelter - in cold
Before I could understand
That there indeed was warmth

Felt comfort - in darkness
Before I could see
How beautifully the sun rises

The safe was - the high
Before I figured out
That drugs can take and destroy

I did have to die
Before I could ever feel
Even remotely alive

I chose to detach, abandon the mind
So I could finally meet
The person inside

I needed the pain
I needed the strife
I needed the lessons
That killed me in life


The stars in my coffee cup
Are arranged
In such a constellation
That I can almost
Make out your face
Amongst the blackness
The air leaves the scent
Of perfume, blood and bleach
My skin deceived me
I thought I had felt
Your embrace
So I reached out
To greet your beauty
But my hands
Could not grasp
That which ceased
To be bound by flesh
Dissipate me slowly
Into your oblivion
I will always follow lead
I have missed your company
O' twisted one
Please pick my bones clean
From this rotting corpse
Save me from the flesh
That has since entombed me
Release me
Reform me
And then deceive me
I have missed
Your crooked smile
I have missed
The darkness of your soul
That rivals the likes
Of my own

The moon settles himself
High above me
I watch and feel nothing
Watch and feel nothing
The sky opens
Her sleepy eyes
And I
Can hardly stomach
Another day
Call me the clouds
I am the dead woman
Who breathes in fire
How many different people
Must I be
Before I can finally
Shake hands with myself?
Before I must call a truce
Each bird has a varied song
But it all sounds the same
Come home to me
Come home to me
The longest part of my life
Has been waiting
To meet myself
Call me a crow
All wing
I am all song
But it hurts too bad
To sing
I try
I fail
I got this scar
When I pushed your heart away
I got this one
When I reached for it back
I am still young
But sometimes I stare
Until the mirror distorts itself
Call me a funhouse
And follow the sound of my voice
I'll be in the corner
Drawing circles in the air
With my middle finger
I am not a victim
It was my choice
As this is my choice
My choice
And these hands
Are no longer trembling
I could hide from the light
All night
Waiting for the moon
To settle score
I would cut off my lips
And offer up as a gift
So you would believe
I can reach silence
The hurt came long before
I even knew how to smile
Call me a poem
I'm swallowing this girl whole
Here are my arms
Waiving and waving
And this is my face
When I'm no longer breathing
The moon the moon
There's something about the moon
Something about the way
The waves come back
And reach to you
This is war inside
Medicate me
Take my mind
And then call me back
After ten
After I've shed this skin
Down to bone
Come closer
Come closer, dear
Take me home
There are some thoughts
That I don't dare
Write down
There are pieces of me
I feel
Could only be digested
After being laced with arsenic
Hard to stomach
Swallow through the vomit
I got this scar
When I cut off my head
To let you in
I got this scar
When I asked for it back
The moon settles himself
High above me
Shedding a tunnel of light
And yet
Illuminating nothing


Blue eyes
Lock with mine
You love the high
They only shine
During the time
That you brutalized
The power gives
You release
But what the fuck
Did you have to do to me?
Your voice
Soft and sweet
Mutters hell
Inside of me
The words you speak
Are worse than the physical
You have embedded
Into my frame
The scars of sin
I was voiceless
I was but a kid
I can never forget
But I will always pretend
That I am capable
I never did need
A fucking home
To be known
Loved or consoled
And just so you know
I'm only a burden
If I have someone to depend on
Or confide in

Damage done
The hand stays closed
Touch isn't always
Welcome here
Pain too deep
To acknowledge
But it doesn't hurt
That bad
I swear
It just fucking kills
My soul opened
I've been bleeding
For the lost
But I let that side go
When I still had hope
That I could be filled up
Better with love
I have never liked personal
Emotions came
Full contact
Detached what I had left
These thoughts aren't mine
Vulnerability brought feelings
I can't understand
Took me to the edge
In mind
I've fallen down
And crossed the lines
Somewhere there
I lost my own
It didn't hurt
Back when I was cold
Before I knew
How warm could feel
The safe has left
The mind retorts
I know I know
It told me so
Nothing good
Can ever stay
I am alone
And fading

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