A part of me hopes that,
when I go meet him,
the devil will also be a too-much boy.

When he kisses me,
sickly sweet,
too hot, too much spiced honey tongue,
he’ll bite my lip on the first pass
and I’ll bite back.

for years, i've felt like i'm
too weak to stay here
too strong to leave

but lately i don't care if i'm
weak or strong, because honestly
i'm tired
and i'd rather be nothing than something
if everything feels this way

i don't think i want to die
but what i've been doing
cannot be what living is

this is not living.

12.03.20

cool liquids warm our throats,
send our bodies into unanimous bliss.
frequencies through the air
we all echo, throats raw with youth,
moving souls, aching chests.
this feeling could last an eternity,
and i’d ask for it to be prolonged further.
feel arms around me, envelope me into the darkness,
flash flooding of colours and blindness.
surrender to the frequencies and souls surrounding,
depressants causing depression welcomed as sedatives;
as stimulants.
for actions and words otherwise forbidden,
hold me, cradle me, like a codependent child.
let me ride this wave of euphoria into sobriety.

love, is it real?
or is it just something that radiates
reflections of crystals
on romanticized chandeliers

I’m roughly drinking
keeping a mind clear
is it possible to have someone
to lock your heart within
keeping it safe, a sheer sincere

I have dreamed of million eyes
but mine only landed on one
one that my soul’s draining to collect
are you real, my dearly one?

i always have
the urge to run.

but what is it like
to be a tree?

to be confident enough
to root yourself
and grow with
wild abandonment,
being unapologetically
you?

i'm still running,
but i wish i knew.