my mum always used to say
“if you have a lucky dream,
don't ever tell other people about it
because if you do,
you're giving it away
and that dream becomes impotent”

i know my lucky dream !
i kept it since i was 7
and that dream made me very happy
it was powerful

but now, whenever i think about it
some bits are missing
i'm starting to forget what it was about
the joy it brought me

i think---

Movie credits descend and sink
to the bottom of the tv screen;
Admire the time travel of a blink,
repositioned on the bed, not keen

Expired pills; motivating my pulse
Hands shifting; trying to keep up
and end this life which by day gets worse
Free this defunct soul and succumb

And in that moment,
the silent tear that doesn't cease formation;
i have surrendered, time is in halt
The sadness salt, in a state of reconstitution,

But death wasn't part of the victory
She was another night of bedridden dreary
Pre-measured mentality
part anxiety
part agony;
retaining me as an emissary
to unearth my mystery

where do my nightmares trail?
who fogs my thoughts at night?
who tallies off my breaths?

So yes, those pills;
those expired ******* pills
did not give me the answer
Instead, i woke up to another whisper

three minutes in before it tricks my visuals
almost melting, drooping and joyless
should i call these individuals?
guess superiority and counterfeit toughness
was always my thing, now got the best of me
should i be questioning what i see?

brain spun dipped virtual driven reality
chalk-shattered creativity; corrupted
only identified through video documentation
semi conscious voice recording confession

insinuate laughs it’s all good
thought i’d be always prone
even when i’m in the zone

ahhh, got the best of me