Sometimes you meet a once
in a life time person,
and your paths will only
cross once,
like an eclipse.
But it will be the most
beautiful moment of your
life.
And the whole world will stop
and look in awe,
like the moon crossing
over the sun for just a quick moment.

When he texts you with a heavy heart proclaiming that he saw your name in the stars last night and your smile in the suns curve, ignore it. You are not the sun or the stars in the fabric of space, you are a human being with a beating heart that had hoped for far too long for those words to be spoken.

Ask him if before this if he was blinded by the sun or too lost in the stars and that’s why he never responded back those times you told him you missed him.

Ask him how maybe the pressure and weight of his heart before must have been collapsing inside, falling and hitting his lungs and cracking ribs that he couldn’t exhale and respond back. It’s alright now because he’s better now and he can talk now that he see the capability of words.

This means nothing to you for when you see the sun it reminds you of him because that is the first thing you see through your window blinds when he’s really the first thing you want to see in the morning. And when you see the first star appear in the that faded sun soaked sky you wish for him until the sky is cluttered with lights almost as bright as his eyes.

Your heart was so heavy for so long but not anymore.

When he tells you, you will feel dignified and broken at the same time. You will want to go up to him and merrily say all the curse words that you had once washed out of your mouth but then you’ll want to take your hands and caress them to his jawline and look him in the eyes and whisper in a gentle voice that you cared about him so much and he never realized it and still doesn’t.

You will run and laugh and tell your friends but then you’ll lay down and cry.

You will want a further explanation and feel as if you deserve one but what you need is an apology and a promising goodbye. It doesn’t have to be loud and crash like the waves of an ocean but it does have to be just as consistent and powerful of waves washing upon the shore.

There are ways to forget
There are ways to get better
There will be a tornado in your throat as you try to unlearn the definition of love and you will have to choke down all the things he said to you with alcohol you shouldn't be having so much of
You are dizzy from intoxication and you think of his kaleidoscope eyes and fall to your knees
In humble abandonment of your old self, you are vacant of any comfort you may have once knew
You are looking for new ways to escape this horror of reality
You stop showering because the water feels too much like his hands running through your hair
Open the windows, he would have wanted them closed
Smash the television, break the radio, drown out all the sound because he can't sleep without noise
And you can't sleep without him but it is better to lay there with silence hanging in the air rather than accidentally hearing a song that the both of you once loved, waking you in a cold sweat like an addict itching for a drug
And sometimes when I get drunk I say that I hate you
That I wish my mind had never laced itself into yours
That I hope your next morning will be one that is cold and idle
And I'm sorry that I do these things
Because alcohol is an intoxicating ingredient being poured into my blood stream and these words that smell of liquor are one's that I do not always mean
I find myself filling with immoral substances to resist going to sleep
I cannot bear going to sleep now because each night at approximately 3 am
I wake up in a frenzy from a dream I was having about the old you
Panicked, terrorized, I feel I am under attack by the soldiers of my own mind
Maybe it is because I know I will never capture you, with each relentless passing second, you will never be the you I once knew and loved
Because when things were good, they were great
However, you must always pay close attention to how they treat you when things are bad
Whether it's "I love you but you're such a fool" or a door slammed on your fingers
There is always an option though
To continue loving you, chasing pavements, limping towards a dying light
Or to leave with some decency and a change of clean clothes
You see, I've learned that there is always a hospital bed, the question is whether or not I want to rot in it
And with you, I feel on top of the world, a mind game
Because I know I am actually on the bottom
There is something you do to me, as if you place glasses over my eyes
Making me believe that maybe this is not as bad as it seems
That being without you is somehow bearable as long as your face is implanted into my skull
There is no real way to describe the staggering appetite for his touch
I am starving for such warmth that never goes cold
A drinking water that never runs dry
He could refresh my cracking heart valves if only he were to come back
But he won't
He would watch me *******, crumble, disintegrate away
Deteriorate, degenerate, decay to ash
Corrode, decompose, shrivel up, pollute this hole I am locked inside of
He does not care for my safety, he does not care for my life
If he did, he would have come home already

When I met you, you were struggling to pick up
The broken pieces of you she had left scattered all over the place.
You were bruised and scarred and I wanted to hold you and kiss the pain away.
You looked at me and I knew what you felt; I was you once when he tore me apart, I’ve walked the same road you're on.
I know the wild beasts that live there, I've made my peace with them.
You'll meet them too. I know it scares you and
I want to ease your mind, tell you it gets better,
but I know I have to let you figure that out for yourself.
Because that's how you grow,
That's how you become stronger,
That's how you heal.
I can't fix you, and I'm sorry for that,
You are your own saviour.
I'll swallow my feelings for now because this is about you and you only.
This is about you finding the light at the end of the tunnel.
And I won't ask you to walk faster because I'm way ahead of you on this road.
Instead, I'll wait here with open arms.
When you find yourself, you can find me.
When you're ready for it, you can walk with me.