I no longer recognize myself in past photographs
A ghost of my former self forever immortalized
Now I lay in my bed, next to empty bottles
They don’t do much when it comes to company

I feel out of focus
A lost shadow
Trying to find the sun
And the warmth it once had
With storm clouds passing
I feel at home with myself
Solitude in the darkness
A soundless voice
Lost in the wind
Carried away to somewhere unknown
Waves crash above me
It’s been too long since I came up for air
Maybe I will be able to swim to the sun
As it reaches the horizon
Or will I be too slow
And it will fade into the sea

I used to love the feeling it gave me
I would be up, dancing all night
And everything would be blurry
With black curtains draped over my sight
And I would laugh endlessly
Tripping over my own two feet
Admitting my love for others mindlessly
Going to sit, but missing my seat
And when I’d fall on the cold floor
With a hard thud, a scratch on my back
I’d get up to pour me more
Until my conscious would fade and the world turned black
I can’t forget the drunk flirtation
Or the way my heart beat out of my chest
Always giving into the temptation
But now I know what’s best
Because I see him
And his heart is cold
And his eyes are dim
His soul is sold
To the fuzzy feeling
He is not himself
And he needs to start healing
He will never find his own self
His words are loud and sour
His eyes are coal and soot
Because the alcohol gives him power
To stomp with his foot
And curse me all night long
Until I run away
Because I know he is too strong
And his mind is full of gray
So now I turn my back on the bottle
Out of fear that I will end up like that too
That I may now longer walk, only tottle
I want to be like me, never like you
Because to me the bottle is harmless
But to you it is your will to live
And you have turned charmless
With nothing to give

I haven’t visited you in days
But I still feel your eyes on me
We’ve been in a drought for weeks
But it has rained every day since you left
I haven’t heard your voice in months
But your laugh still rings in my ears
The sun hasn’t shined in years
But I still see you in the sky

Sleepless night, endless
Again and again
Never to be forgotten
Night terrors renewed
Eternal sleep paralysis
Stuck in this repetitive cycle
Infinite nightmares, deadly
You love was timeless
But the timing wasn’t right
You were my person
Why did I have to be selfish
I wake up screaming
Thrashing around in my sweat
Permanently in this nightmare
Never enough nicotine
I miss our nights alone
When there was only you
To have and to hold
Until death do us part
But death came early
And I’m living in fire
Missing you forever
When is the right time
To tell you I still love you
Or to kiss your soft lips
Again and again
Immortal sparks and
Hopeless feelings
That never seem to just
Disappear, like those before you
Everlasting heart and a smile of grace
Who gave you the right
To love me in the first place
Come back to earth with me
You are heaven sent
And I am Bub’s best friend
In a black hole
With no way out
You are the first blossom of spring
The never ending ring
Of constant matrimony
I keep in my heart
I miss you and everything
We never got to do
If only two could hang
From the same branch
We could love continuously
In the river of Hades
And I would know
The choice I had made
Was one to last a lifetime
You cut off your wings
To be with me
Remove your halo
Color your eyes black
Let me introduce
The things you lack
I’ll never let you go again
Through our continuous sin

My hands have turned cold
No longer warm from your touch
Not like the growing fire in my chest
I miss your radiant smile and
How it filled what alcohol couldn’t
And your sweet laugh
That gave me the buzz whiskey didn’t
And your honey eyes
That made me glow like wine wouldn’t

Gravity couldn’t hold you to me
Staring at the thins walls that separate us
I can’t hear you toss and turn
I was naive to think we had it this time
I embraced all your faults
But you weren’t ready to hold mine

Going to bed before the sun sets
Fifty two card pickup
And we’re all out of bets
I guess we live and we learn
You’re the spirit that haunts my mind
And I hope to forget about you from time to time

No words could describe the torture of solitary nights
How I sit and watch for the first sign of daylight
Because all I’ve ever known is your warm embrace
And your sweet, loving, beaming face
But now I lay alone in an icy, melancholic bed
And I cry until my throat is sore and red
This will take some time to get used to
But it has been seven long months without you
I don’t believe this feeling will come to an end
And I’m left with no closure and a broken heart to mend

I was just another name to be added to your bed frame
Just a body meant to warm yours
But your racing heart told a different story
Or at least I thought, I hoped
My sheets have turned cold
While you wrap your body with someone I’ll never know

I can’t forget your calming touch
That I didn’t appreciate like I should’ve
Or your quiet snores
That I didn’t listen to enough when I could’ve
And your soft kisses
That I didn’t get enough, if only I would’ve
Known that you weren’t mine forever
That our time was limited
I would’ve taken in every detail of you

I may not be what you deserve
But I will always be the person that knows you
And I know the little things about you
Your flaws, the details of your smile,
The way you made my heart beat
Every detail about you and your true self
I can’t get you out of my mind
I may not be the person you imagine in your future
But I’ve always thought of you as my life
And you’ve changed back to your old ways
And I know deep down I cant be broken again
So with that said, I’m saying goodbye
Goodbye to the life we knew
Goodbye to the love we felt
Because you’re not you anymore
And it’s time I put myself first