The day I killed myself,
I tried to brush it of and pretend I'm okay,
Tried to hurt myself every single day.

The day I killed myself,
My mum cried forever,
My dad brushed it of like he's not the one to blame.

The day I killed myself,
I woke up and went about the day,
Like nothing ever happened because it never does.

The day I killed myself,
I fell in love with the cat,
And pretended things weren't so bad.

The day I killed myself,
I woke up in hospital,
Everything attached to me.

The day I killed myself,
I watched the sun fall,
And said to myself here comes another day.

The day I killed myself,
I had another drink,
To numb everything away.

The day I killed myself,
My dad kicked us out,
Became homeless again.

The day I killed myself,
You hurt me so bad I couldn't breathe,
Then you told me to leave.

The day I killed myself,
I watched the stars,
How bright and beautiful they are.

The day I killed myself,
I unkilled myself.

For too many years i'v been writing poems about wanting to die,
but not knowing how and not having a clear reason as to why.
But this poem is a little different from the ones before,
as this poem is a little bit more happy rather then a little bit more sore.
The past is where all my memories are,
where I was planning to take my life with a car.
So many people have told me to forget the past,
but i always wanted to remember and for another day to last.
But let's forget all that and move onto the present,
where now i understand what the past really meant.
I am happy to say that i have finally started to move on,
all the things that caused my life to stop are gone.
The voices, the place, the faces and perfumes that i used to remember,
are now all gone and I am now able to live in December.
It's been nearly a year since i'v been going to the gym,
it's been a huge part of my life meaning that remembering the past is very slim.
I used to hate looking at myself in the mirror,
now I do it everyday and the future seems a bit more clearer.
My cat has helped me to cope with the anxieties that i have,
she keeps me happy rather then sad.
My parents have changed me to how i am today,
now i'm looking forward to each and everyday.
So my message is as simple as it gets,
go through each day like it is your best.
Remember live life slowly because it's not a race,
I am still living life but i have finally arrived at my happy place.

"Certian people remember certain things from the past e.g. perfume or smell, voice, face, place etc. A person can truly say that they have moved on when that person passes by something or someone which before they would have stopped and smelled a certain perfume, have recognised a certain face or recognised a voice, or recognised a certain place, then that person at that moment will pass by and not recognise a single thing of the past, then that person can truly say that they have moved on, because they have simply forgotten."

"People shoudn't be defined by the mistakes that they make but rather the courage that it took for those mistakes to disappear and never come back again"

Would you hold it against me
If i said there's nothing found
That i'll lay here and watch my dreams
Embers, falling to the ground

Would you hold it against me
If i had no strength to fight
And as tomorrow brings the war
Still, no tears escape my eyes

Would you fault it for its being
A doughnut on the shelf
Would you shun it's hollowness inside
It still tries to make its sweetness felt

For there are some that rake for dreams
With disparity in the dead of night
And others whose voracity
The world feared and extinguished light

- c.t.