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again, i hang my head in shame
a victim of my own impulse
burning every last good thing i have
i dont deserve any peace of what i have
the god of destruction laid its home in my chest
& has ceased to loosen its hold on me
i built the universe only to be afraid of everything honest & real
i have spread my fingers over the land only to embolden the wicked & punish the good
i have betrayed any trust you have laid in me
& tonight i know it ends
because again, i hang my head in shame
knowing i will break your heart
with nothing but the truth
i am a victim of my own impulse
which must mean i am no victim at all...
angelique Jun 28
i want that quiet, gentle kind of love
like the silence of the ocean when it's calm
don't get me wrong,
i'm in awe of the fire kind of love
that passionate, lustful kind of love but
everybody knows
you play with fire & you get burned
& sure, i know i could tame your flames
but how boring would that be?
see you dulling your light for me?
feed your fire on my fire & we'd burn down the world
if i'm the sun, think i better find me a moon
there's only so much heat i can stand
i can only burn so long for you, before i -
burst - fireworks only flash for a second in the sky
it's time i got me a candle to last me the whole night through
i want that gentle, quiet kind of love
i want the love that makes me feel safe to be me,
in my mind, body & soul.
angelique Jun 11
& the beautiful boys
Love the beautiful girls with
Fragile hearts
& delicate bodys
Who dont seem to notice they're lovely
& that's why they dont love me
I'm not that kind of beautiful
My heart is as strong as wood
But wood can still break
I'm a single tree in a field of flowers
Watching all the beautiful boys
Pluck them all one by one
& dont you know that
Picking flowers makes them wither away?
What a tragedy
It seems that the only kind that visit me
Are the kind that want to rip the leaves
To leave me naked & weak
I wait for a storm to come along
& take me down
If a tree falls all alone
Does it still make a sound?
angelique Jun 1
if we have lived a thousand lives,
then i must have lost you a thousand times before.
if i have lost you a thousand times,
then will i lose you over a thousand times more?
how many cycles more will we love,
how many lifetimes left to break apart?
why am i drawn to you each life?
& why each time, do you break my heart?
if we have lived a thousand lives,
why haven't we learned a thing?
how have you devoured me whole?
i bend at the knee for you, my king.
if we have loved a thousand times,
i promise i'd do it all over again,
if we have loved a thousand times,
i will find you once more where it all began.
i always love you,
im always here for you,
regardless of what you might believe.
angelique Jan 2021
although the years have come and gone,
still my heart aches
each year, it repeats
the same pain in my chest
at first so slow i almost don't notice it
quietly dripping in the distance
like a leaky faucet
and suddenly i remember your smile,
your laugh, your curls
and as if Zeus himself struck me,
the ache in my heart returns.
overcome with emotions
all i can do is sit and cry
and i mourn you all over again.
and yet you're still breathing.
and i should have let go already.
it happens around the same time each year.
sometimes it comes a few weeks early,
sometimes it's right on the nose...
i know it's all rose coloured glasses
i know it's all a fantasy i cling to.
just know, i pray for you still
i pray that you're happy and at peace
i pray that life is good to you
i have no selfish bone left in my body for you,
but one.
only one that somehow prays
that you'll find me
and tell me it wasn't a lie...
so that we can go back to loving from a distance.
this year it came early,
the ache, like a car crash.
so forgive me for being early in saying this..

and i know you probably don't miss me
or ache over me like i do for you...
but i loved you once,
i love you still
i always have
and always will..

happy birthday tj
angelique Aug 2020
as long as i hold in the sting,
& my eyes don't betray my smile,
as long as i don't say the wrong thing,
this will make it all worthwhile.

i assure you, there is no depth,
nothing but a mannequin in disguise,
what you see, what you get,
only blankness behind the eyes.

painting these cell bars pink,
trading reality for daydreams,
stubbornly refusing to stop & think,
unless it's in extremes.

will this hollowness continue to grow?
can i escape the apathetic nightmare?
i don't ever really know,
& i don't seem to really care.
i think happiness & stability bores me at this point...
angelique Apr 2020
they're saying to call your family,
check in on your friends,
stay in touch with those you love.

to ease you of the panic,
to help release the stress
& to keep your relationships strong.

so day after day,
i do my part to reach out
& do my best to show i care.

but my phone does not ring,
my battery full, my messages empty.
i guess i don't really matter.
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