I'm
Tired
Of
B
R
E
A
T
H
I
N
G

Tired of

S
E
   E
    I
     N
       G

This hatred in humanity
And
The
Delicates
Being

T    O     R    N

Apart
So quickly
Without listening
To their glistening
Fragile
Beautiful words

True nightmares aren't in color
True nightmares are in black and white
True nightmares don't end when you wake up

Sleepy demon, close your eyes
Hell's too warm for you to rest
Soon someday you'll realize
That I've always tried my best
In my arms
Quiet and cool
The lights are dim
The clouds are wool
Stars on the ceiling
Sparkling above us
Your horns are pitch
Obsidian and onyx
Tired from fighting
Lashes charred from flames
Looking up from dark circles
Sleepy one, have no shame
My lips on your forehead
As I watch your aura lift
I love you, little demon
I will let you drift

Oh, dear girl
How beautiful you are
How kind and colorful
I see your pain
I see the gashes underneath your clothes
The angry lines on your precious flesh
You burn your pain
Away into smoke
Crimson eyes
Not just from the tears
But from the blunt between your fingers
How I wish
To take your hurt
So you don’t grow up with faint white crosses
On your pretty limbs
You deserve to have your lovely smile
Displayed for all to see

behind her bangs
she saw
in the field where she sat
was dusted
with violets and bright, ruby poppies
the sky was painted with gold and violet
hues of blue and pink.
behind the darkness of her eyes
she thought.
she opened them,
and saw that
ink had bled into the sky
deep purples
blacks and blues.

Cut my throat and let me bleed.
Your silence, love, is killing me.
A bomb went off inside my head.
But sadly, love, I’m not dead.
Not yet. Not yet. (I’m not dead)
Get out of my head. (I’m almost dead)
I’m not dead. (Not yet. Not yet)
These shackles are cutting my skin.
I don’t want to let the darkness in.
They’re sharp, so sharp.
The shards of a broken heart.
Get out of my head.
I’m not dead yet.

Hold me close
The blood is flowing
I'm not dead yet
But I might be going
Paint the roses red
With the dripping from my head
I'm not dead yet (Not yet),
Slit my throat
And watch me bleed
Your absence, love, is killing me
A bomb went off inside my head
But sadly love
Sadly love
Sadly love
(I'm not dead yet)

Take a sip
Strawberry syrup
Sweet and soft
But never enough
Strawberry sweetness
Smooth in your mouth
Tangy but not sour
Covering the dollhouse
Strawberry syrup
Dripping from your lips
Red
On your fingertips
Staining the lace
On your pretty white dress
Strawberry syrup
Making a mess
Can’t see through the syrupy haze
Covering my eyes in a strawberry glaze

vapor
in the air
as he breathed out
and i breathed in
the taste of watermelon
lingering on my tongue

Taffeta watches the pigs atop the tables
Glass eyes and stitches where they're enabled
Guts pumping crimson liquid
Sewing 'em up, she's addicted
Family and friends recommend she withdraw
She responded with a twinkle in her eye and a dropped jaw
Scissors and string, that's all she'll need
Besides a corpse, of course, and a bit of stuffing
Lilac eyes affixed on a tattered pillow
Enjoying watching a weeping Willow
Her poor Porky pet has met his end
But everyone knows you can depend
Before your sweet pet starts to smell
On Taffeta's Taxidermy to stuff 'em well

Your birthday is soon
The air is ashen
Scented with burning leaves
I ride this shaking yellow chariot without you
Passing yellow-green crops and empty ditches
It’s rather lonely, really
You’ve finally gotten a car
Though you don’t like it all too well
It’s old and used
But there's no need to worry
It will take you where you need to go
Your birthday is soon
You’ll be an adult
If you could truly call eighteen years an adult
But I’m proud of you
You’ve grown so much
Even taller than me, now
Maybe someday, you’ll love yourself as much as I love you
I wish I could do the same for myself
Soon, it will be my birthday as well
I’ll be an adult
But you know I’m still a child
Small inside and immature
Thinking about the childhood ripped away from you
Of laughter and joyous grins
The large hands of a father that gently grip little fingers
The one we both deserved
Your birthday is soon
And we’re almost off to college
And though you don’t believe you have a future
I know you do
With your graphite-stained palms
You manifest entirely new worlds
I find it beautiful
And you take yourself for granted
Your birthday is soon
And as I write these words
This terrible jostling machine slows to a stop
Peeling my body from navy leather seats
I dig out my keys
I will head home
Just like I always have

And there she was
A rough scab on a smooth perfect knee
With a chalky cigarette between bony fingers
Chipped red painted nails
Matching crimson accenting glossy white walls
She knew she was dreaming
Because of the ****** sun in the middle of the room
Chapped lips crack with scarlet, staining teeth
Surgical gloves reaching out from her beating heart
Held in by pale marked skin
Needles pricking gums, calling upon beads of ruby
Incisors and canines fall out one by one
Heavy tongue tastes gory wine
Indifference and apathy sistering one another
Stitches hold right-handed fingers in permanent crosses
Though an opal ring falls through
The shattering crystal lights the room ablaze
Intangible flames lick the ceiling as it rises and the floor sinks
An ever-expanding room flashing over and over in endless continuity
Like a repeating reel of film catching on fire
And then she was gone

I've been thinking
About the moon
Her sweet scent
Of jasmine and rose
She glances
Upon the night blossoms
And smiles
Her beaming light
It dances
Upon my skin
And her reflection
Is just as beautiful
As her star-children
Sleep

Dew drops
Whispering to starlight
Secrets
Never told
A  small girl
With hair like fire
By a lake
With water like the night sky
Emerald frogs
Ruby roses
Crystal violets
And a pearl moon
All of this
Could be hers
But she just wants
To make friends with the fireflies

ashes, ashes we all fall down.
i’ve come to take back my crown.
ashes, ashes, you shall fall down.
i will destroy this town.
ashes fall with us.
can’t you feel the rush?
the ashes fall.
it’s time for your call.
ashes, ashes we will fall down.
ashes, ashes, no more ground.
falling into ashes.
we all have our gashes.
now I breath in.
the sky grows dim.
ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

the curve of your neck
the tilt of your head
the shape of your lips
shiny eyes as tears are shed
shattered glass
in the corners of your eyes
glittering slivers
never-ending highs
the way you move
the form of your thighs
the flick of your wrists
whisper pretty lies
tongue tasting
liking what it finds
can't escape the friction
twisting in your binds
pleasure taking you
out of your mind
wanting it forever
but running out of time
all on your own
watching you sway
moving to the rhythm
you know i'll stay
lost in you
drinking you in
hope you remember
my lips on your skin
look at me
with suffocating green eyes
fingers interlaced
underneath ashen skies

ebony flowing from your scalp
like a river of never-ending night
a rocky river bed staring at me
with water verdant and cool
a curvaceous figure draped in ivory
with gentle speckles dusted across your cheeks
rose petals part while you speak
words leaving them like music

Memories I never made flashing in my mind.
All of the pain, from a past life.
A life I never lived.
A life in which I sinned.
But at least I wasn’t alone.

Hearts tend to break
when they're left all alone.
Although, you can prevent this
if your heart is made of stone.
Your heart won't hurt,
and it will never ache.
Your heart will be yours,
for no one else to take.
Pretty blue eyes,
won't make you cold.
Or make you shiver,
with a love so bold.
Hands won't run,
through soft brown hair.
Laughter won't echo,
through the watermelon air.
Your heart is yours,
and yours alone.
Your heart is yours,
for no one else to hold.

Flower growing around my wrists
Angry angry angry
Thorns cut deep into my skin
Angry angry angry
My blood is boiling
And leaking from my eyes
Red blooms blossoming from the tight cracks in my fists
Angry
Angry
Angry

If I were to confess,
Which I won’t,
I would apologize.
If I were to tell you,
The words burning on my lips,
Which I refuse to do,
I would say
That I’m sorry
For not giving you my best.
If I were to speak the truth,
Which I’ve never done,
I’d get quite close,
To your blooming cheeks
And whisper to you,
“I was wrong.”
I would watch your lips
As you ask me your question.
I would say, rather softly,
“I was afraid.”
I would gently take your hand
And lace our fingers together
One last time
And I would speak,
“But I lost you anyway.”

I remember last night
With a sunset sky
Pink
Lilac
Baby blues and glimmering golds
I wanted to see you today
But I couldn't
Not really
I remember last night
When we talked until the streetlights turned on
When I put little white daisies in your hair
And you smiled for me
I wanted to do that tonight
But I couldn't
Sadly
I remember last night
When we sat by the creek
And caught fireflies
Flickering in the dimming light
Like little neon stars
I wanted to do that tonight
But I couldn't
And it hurt

"you're beautiful"
you told me
"really?"
"of course"

petals
spilling from my lips
speckles of blood
adorning them
growing
in my lungs
from one-sided love

she was
shadow cast
born of dark
eyes like jewels
and a starry night sky
night dew as her tears
moon dust in her lungs
the moths were her butterflies
fireflies, her halo
she was
shadow cast

the sky is golden blue
your cheeks a pinkish hue
walking through the snowy woods
all i want right here with you
time is slow
your hand in mine
falling snow
clouds align
the softest kiss
upon my nose
arms around you
wind softly blows
it's cold
but i can't tell
deep i my heart
my love will dwell
boots are crunching
soft white snow
i love you more
than you will know

fire in her lungs
dust in her mouth
keep going,
keep going
run
to the south

yellow
and tan
footprints
in the sand
her red
converse
leave
trails

an imperfect daughter
looking for water
disappointment
follows
each step.

sand in clothes
in her hair
twixt her toes
she runs
with her red converse.

will she ever come across
an oasis, lost
or will her bones
stay hidden,
in the sand.

beans in my shoes
beans in my pockets
she put beans
even inside my locket
i don't know why
she likes beans so much
she says they're good to eat
and nice to touch
she's kinda strange

beans in my bed
beans on my head
she really likes beans
i guess i'll have to deal with it
but only coz i love her

A cool gust of wind
In a once inhabited shell
Candles blown out
From a pair of ghostly lips
That feel ghoulishly similar
To the ones that once touched my own
Left in the dark
Like I was years before
Time and time again
Overwhelming fear is breathed into my lungs
Shivers climb down my back
As if traced by the delicate fingers of an apparition
From a past that haunts me
A voice murmurs in my ear
Sweet nothings a cruel reminder
Of a love that froze me in my place
Stepping one in front of the other
Turning around each pitch corner
Twisting hallways lead me to the darkest chamber in my heart
I look for myself in a pulsing mirror
But all I see
Is you

soft blonde hair
plush kisses on my cheek
fingers tracing circles
at the edge of the creek
confessions
and blushing cheeks
wiping tears
fixing the leaks
lips on skin
gentle heat
a warm summer day
with a love so sweet

A string wrapped around your fingers
Threaded through my heart
Pretty patterns crisscross with my blood vessels
Paper butterflies dancing about
In my stomach of felt and fuzz
These lungs of mine expand and contract
Filled with your very own carbon dioxide
My popsicle stick bones ache
Splintered from heavy use
A doll for your entertainment
Made with love
For making love
But it isn't really love
Now is it?

"forgive me"
she wrote
in midnight ink
flowers in her hair
stars dripping down her cheeks
she wanted to say
"i love you"
she wanted to say
"i can fix this"
she wanted to say
"please"
and she wrote it
every word
on the page

Dear Pale Boy,
I’ll sit beside you
In the rushing tide
A foamy white and blue
Feet in the sand
Stormy grey sky
Holding your hand
While you ask me why
Someone like you
Could ever be loved
I’ll respond with a kiss
And a gentle touch
Your goose down hair
Soft and white
Twirled between my fingers
While you hold on tight
Pale smooth hands
And rose dusted cheeks
Swaying palm leaves
Distant mountain peaks
Rain drops on your nose
Your jacket keeps us warm
Waiting for grey clouds to pass
I’ll hold you in the storm

early morning
and I am warm
still bleary,
but content
while I listen to cavetown
and wonder when I'll see you today
perhaps soon
and maybe
you will like the drawing I made for you

lillies
and lilacs
violet
and white
the scent
of sweetness
makes it
alright
bitter
sweetness
coats
my tongue
vines
creeping
with blossoms
twisting
around
the swing
and there
we sat
just you and me
your hand in mine
for eternity

Mother
Help her
Don’t you love her
She’s bleeding out
On the bathroom floor
Mother
Hold her
Can’t you see she’s dying
Right there in front of you
Her lungs are shaking
Mother
Tell her
That she’ll be alright
Put pressure on her wounds
Stop the flow
Mother
Help me
I don’t want to die
It’s getting so cold
Please keep me warm

In a flash of silent thunder
You appeared like an angel
The rain wetting your hair
Sticking to your face
Your wings were made of light
Void of liquid
No feathers to be matted by precipitation
You cast upon me your gentle gaze of stone like jade
Your white gown was weighed down by nothing but water from the clouds
There was no sun to brighten the planet
You lit up the entire earth by simply being
My heart falters as I think back to that moment
You fell to the ground, wings dimming as the moon rose
I had fallen to my knees
In awe of the beauty of dying seraphim
Tears mingled with the sobbing of the sky
I didn't dare to come any closer
But I could hear your sweet words
Poetry sang in my ears
Love songs told stories of a life I would never know
Until that point
I had thought I understood what it meant to live
But I could never truly live
Nor could I understand

The sky is a dull grey-azure
But you shimmer like tear-filled eyes
Gauze flowing around your ankles
Feet barely touching the dewy grass below you
Twirling as the storm ascends above
Your bones are cold
But you dance as if there's fire lit beneath you
Your lips don't move
But poetry seeps from your mouth
Pasting to your body
Flowing into the sky
Lightning strikes with every other step
The pouring words wrap around you
Until you are bound with your own rhythmical tourniquet

Lashes

Soft like petals

Eyes

Likes cloudy stones

Covered in soft soil

I like to watch you

Dreams like clouds

And roses

And rain

I think

You are pretty

And I like to watch

Your hands move

Your pencil,

Making

Your eyes, moving

I like to watch

milk and honey
on your lips
your perfume
sweet and soft
a milky bath
soak it in
dripping from my skin
taste it on your tongue
warm in my arms
sticky and smooth
like the way you make me feel

Weeds grow from beneath my fingernails
Flowers blossom in my lungs
Petals blooming from my throat
I can no longer breathe
I can no longer reach
For the distant dream
Of loving you

Dancing in the headlights
Fireflies like shadows of stars
Smiles taste like strawberries
Hands hold like they'll never let go
It's about to rain
The skies hot tears
But we don't care
We talk by the river
Our feet dipped in
The moon's reflection shattered
As you push me in
Hold each other in dark
Our favorite song
Hand in hand
All night long

she wore hightops
and a tattered
old book bag.
and she liked
to tie
her red converse
to it's straps.
and walk
across
the fire escape.

the metal
beneath
her socked feet
was cool
and x-ed
and black.

she ran,
and she laughed
or she ran
and she cried
but she ran
and she ran
for it was all
she could do.

Colors
Drip from your heart
While you hold me.
You color me
Like the rainbow
Of your soul.
Opalescent dreams
Spill
From your lips.
You've colored me
Like a page.
I was black and white
Before you colored me in
With the taste of your lips.

Blood
In the ashes
Smeared
On white roses
"Paint them red,"
She said
"Or it's off with your head"
The Queen of Roses
Lying her her rose bed
Dripping blood
From a severed head
Slowly painting
The roses red

"you're so beautiful,"
i told him.
he looked away
"i'm not"
he said
"you're one of the most beautiful people i've ever met,"
i said.
"no,
i'm ugly,"
he told me
"i swear, there's something about, that's just
absolutely beautiful."
i promised.
he looked up
angry tears in his eyes
"No. You don't get it. I'm hideous,"
he yelled.
"you're so beautiful to me"
i said softly as he walked away

Beginning of the day
Morning
Light is leaking in from between my white gauzy curtains
Dancing shadows of leaves show a performance on my skin
My golden hair gently moves as I lift up my head
Blood rushes
The familiar scenery of my room leads to content
I stretch,
Arching my back and pointing my toes
One of my socks fell off as I slept
Last night floods my mind

a poet's pen
with scarlet ink
paper thick
for blood to sink
roses fill
the empty space
while tears fill up
in the poet's place
these shadows offended
they tease and they taunt
petals fall
as the roses fought
their darling dear
their poet's fear
as the shadows were out for blood
a poet's own
to draw it from
skin pale like a rainy day
fiery hair
tangled in thorns
a poet's pen
in a poet's corpse

colors flashing
beneath my lids
open them up
and i see blackness
hallucinogens
would be better than this
i don't understand
tell me what this is
kaleidoscopes
behind my eyes
ever-changing
like colored skies
someone, please explain
all these flashing colors
are bringing me pain
something's happening
these hues are breathing
pulsing and repeating
help me escape
gives me come cover
drape my sight
take away the colors

As my eyes skim over you
Your lips
Your curves
My memories
They burn
To be kept away from you is my punishment
Burning fingertips
Reaching for bare skin
Pulling away
From fear of lighting a flame
The taste of blood
From my biting my lip
Metallic ruby
I've almost forgotten my name
Replacing it with yours
The only one I'll ever need to know
A longing forbidden
By no one other than you and I
Keeping secrets
Just between us
Leaking from my lips
Tearing little rips
In what could have been

a burning passion
so hot
it set my heart on fire
a freezing distance
so cold
it froze the tears in my eyes
a yearn for friction
so urgent
my skin cried for love