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Feb 17 · 541
Mother
Anastasia Feb 17
Mother
Help her
Don’t you love her
She’s bleeding out
On the bathroom floor
Mother
Hold her
Can’t you see she’s dying
Right there in front of you
Her lungs are shaking
Mother
Tell her
That she’ll be alright
Put pressure on her wounds
Stop the flow
Mother
Help me
I don’t want to die
It’s getting so cold
Please keep me warm
Feb 2 · 1.1k
Last Admission
Anastasia Feb 2
If I were to confess,
Which I won’t,
I would apologize.
If I were to tell you,
The words burning on my lips,
Which I refuse to do,
I would say
That I’m sorry
For not giving you my best.
If I were to speak the truth,
Which I’ve never done,
I’d get quite close,
To your blooming cheeks
And whisper to you,
“I was wrong.”
I would watch your lips
As you ask me your question.
I would say, rather softly,
“I was afraid.”
I would gently take your hand
And lace our fingers together
One last time
And I would speak,
“But I lost you anyway.”
Nov 2020 · 312
extreme romantics
Anastasia Nov 2020
a burning passion
so hot
it set my heart on fire
a freezing distance
so cold
it froze the tears in my eyes
a yearn for friction
so urgent
my skin cried for love
Nov 2020 · 66
dreams of the past
Anastasia Nov 2020
today i set aside
all the pain you've given me
and daydreamed about
all the days you've spent with me
about feathery kisses
and gentle touches
paint splatters
and pencil smudges
blurry photos
on an old camera
of a vanilla sweet boy
far more than average
soft hands holding mine
pressed together
fingers entwined
Nov 2020 · 173
Towards The Sky
Anastasia Nov 2020
She had the breath of a raging storm
Quick, forceful, and cloudy
Running through frosted fields
Icy grass, sparkling and trampled
Running from her fears, worries, and responsibilities
The red canvas of her shoes bled darker with melting ice
Her bare skin was on fire, covered in burning needles
Running towards the breath of dawn
Only to meet the silence of the moon
Placed in an open, endless sky
Nov 2020 · 129
Damn It All
Anastasia Nov 2020
The things I’d tell you
If I had the courage
I’d look you in the eyes
“**** you,” I’d say
“**** it all”
I **** the day
That I said I loved you
**** the day
That you pressed your lips to my skin
**** the day you put your arms around me
**** that look in your eyes
Sparkling and beaming
**** that smile
**** the words you told me
When you told me I was beautiful
**** the day
You fell asleep beside me
And I told you all the truths I could never say
**** the touches we shared
Soft and fearful
**** your lips
That pretty mouth of yours
Spewing lies that tasted like cherry
**** the cold days
That I wore your clothes
**** those warm days
Of summers by the creek
**** the day your fingers traced my wrist
And you spoke to me softly
**** those days you made me smile
Just so I’d miss you when you leave
**** the day you said goodbye
And you wished me the best
**** the final day I cried
And **** all the rest
Nov 2020 · 217
I Don't Regret
Anastasia Nov 2020
To my only lover
I’d like you to know
That all those I times
I made myself hurt
I did it because of you

To my only lover
Despite your asking
Despite my lies
I did it because of you
I’d like you to know

To my only lover
The pain I felt
Didn’t feel like pain anymore
But it still hurt my heart
I’d like you to know that

To my only lover
I don’t regret it
I feel not a single drop
Of remorse
For what I’ve done to myself
I’d like you to know
It was all because of you
Nov 2020 · 106
Inside
Anastasia Nov 2020
Your inside of my brain
Inside of me
I feel the pain
Internally

I want you out
From my body
I need you out
I want you to leave

Inside my heart
Inside my veins
Maybe I can cut you out
I don’t mind the pain

What a waste
What a shame
You’re consuming me
Driving me insane

How long
Until you see
That you’re slowly
Killing me

Please go away
Let me be
Let me go back to the future
Of which we used to dream
Nov 2020 · 53
Untitled
Anastasia Nov 2020
please go away
i don't want you here
please

go
Oct 2020 · 186
Cut Your Tongue
Anastasia Oct 2020
Open your mouth
Let me see your tongue
Tell me how it tastes

Is it sweeter
Seeping with blood
Cut at the tip

Trace the edge
With the knife
Make it taste

Like me

Hold out your hand
Let me see your fingertips
Tell me how they feel

Are they smoother
When they’re slick
With saliva

Trace my skin
With your tongue
Make it soaked

With blood
Sep 2020 · 192
Rain on the Road
Anastasia Sep 2020
Little hands
Soft and velveteen
Shiny eyelids
Tired and drooping
Long lashes
Looking down at the ground
A small mask
To fit his round face
With a childish print
Of his favorite hero
Shy and quiet
With delicate limbs
Putting on his large backpack
Almost home
Invulnerable
To the screams of the others
As lightning strikes
Beyond the fields of corn
Body jostled
As the bus bumps along
Dull jade eyes
Peering through the window
Staring at the rain
Behind the glass
I wrote this about a young boy on my bus who sits across from me.
Aug 2020 · 182
write it again
Anastasia Aug 2020
he said our story was over
and that it had to end
i said i wanted us to have a sequel
he said we already did
i keep reading it over again
tears smearing the ink
as i feel his presence fade
my heart begins to shrink
i started out running out of black
so i decided to use red
no more fluid midnight
i used my blood instead
my pen is sharp
right at the tip
liquid ruby
pooling at my wrists
looping letter
fancy scrawl
sobs escaping my throat
as salty tears fall
i wrote in cursive
i wrote it every day
but even the brilliant crimson
couldn't make him stay
Aug 2020 · 124
should've been there
Anastasia Aug 2020
you should have been there
to hold me back
keep me from jumping
keep me on track
top of the building
wind in my hair
made a mistake
breathing in the air
got what i deserved
knew it when i hit the ground
but it still hurt
because you weren't around
you should have been there
before i made the cut
before i ended it all
should've trusted my gut
the color red
staining my eyes
visions of you
right before my demise
you should have been there
before i took the pills
swallowed them whole
one of many kills
rejecting my own body
choking on my spit
it'll be over soon
should've known this was it
disclaimer: this is not a suicide note
Aug 2020 · 123
He's Not Here
Anastasia Aug 2020
He said he loved me
and I gave him my heart
Then he left,
and I fell apart
All I wanted
was to have something real
But I left my smile on my face
for him to steal
He's not here
to kiss the cuts on my skin
I should have known
that I would never win
I let his poison under my skin
Because I was so desperate to let him in
So desperate for the taste of his lips
That I let him tear me until he covered me in rips
I miss the stories that he would spin
No one ever told me that love was a sin
Watching my tears fall to the ground
Hoping there will soon be enough to drown
Aug 2020 · 107
anything but
Anastasia Aug 2020
without you,
          i can't seem to do anything
                                               but
                                                       f
                                                         a
                                                           l
                                                             l

                                                               a
                                                                 p
                                                                   a
                                                                      r
                                                                        t
Aug 2020 · 306
another episode
Anastasia Aug 2020
crimson beads
on a pale wrist
blade digging
white-knuckled fist
tears flood
from sparkling eyes
wishing for
a quick demise
a painful love
piercing heart-flesh
lips like velvet
on cuts still fresh
a dream of a lover
of someone so sweet
a lovely human
to make me complete
Aug 2020 · 169
babe of nature
Anastasia Aug 2020
the trees were humming
your birthday song
the clouds were cuddling you
in their arms
the grass was soft
beneath your head
the flowers decorated
your nature's bed
the wind was soft
on your reaching hands
an empty space
where a mother stands
no worries, though, child
don't be afraid
i will be with you
and come to your aid
a sweet babe
in the woods of forever
keeping you safe
born with a tether
a tether to nature
to all things sweet
i'll love you always
and your darling heartbeat
Jul 2020 · 105
Tethered
Anastasia Jul 2020
To tell the truth
Living was a curse
I always thought
It couldn’t get worse
But then laid my eyes
On the most beautiful thing
Had know idea
What he would bring
He brought color and flowers
And fireflies and stars
And suddenly I wished
For a world that was ours
Saw him when I closed my eyes
And every time, I smiled
I grew up too fast
But I could finally be a child
I could safely fall in love
Without being afraid
Something I could touch
Without being afraid
I can breathe in sweet air
Without having to hold it in
I don’t have to feel
Like I don’t belong in my skin
When I finally realized
I had all I needed
It came to me
When I thought of what we did
All those days
We spent together
Tied me up
And I was tethered
To you
you mean so much to me
Jul 2020 · 92
guarded girl
Anastasia Jul 2020
she was a vigilant child
ignoring the thoughts of fantasy
she lived without joy and dreams
she knew there was no such thing as eternity
her mother was ignorant
overcome by a dreaming abyss
it was a false ecstasy
blinded by bliss
she was careful to avoid
making stupid mistakes
hope was the enemy
false dreams were sure to devastate
to keep herself safe
she was careful not to trust
her heart had a shell
and she let the lock rust
she never let her guard down
she was immune to things like love
joy and dreams and happiness
those things she was above
her infatuation was a treasure
covered in dust
immune to sweetness
she did what she must
to block all emotion
avoid all fears
she grew up when she was young
she shed no tears
Jul 2020 · 241
wishing
Anastasia Jul 2020
hands on my waist
listen to our favorite song
lips pressed together
smile against yours all night long
fireflies on your car
wishing on every star
that this could last forever
holding on to this
a special kind of bliss
i'll be there whenever
lie beside you in the morning
golden light on your face
all these things about you
i'd never erase
the taste of you
i never knew
that'd we get this far
there are things that i still chase
i hate the look on your face
when i show you my scars
you're so gorgeous
i could never say it enough
you know i'm weak without you
but i'll try to stay tough
Jul 2020 · 414
fragile boy
Anastasia Jul 2020
a trembling child
a fragile heart
"handle with care"
he was labeled from the start
growing up
the tossed him around
rough words from dry mouths
the string was tightly wound
it was filled with cracks
band-aids and fissures
more fragile than a feather
lighter than a whisper
all he wished for
was for someone kind
to take it in their hands
and give it time
time to heal
so he could love
but to everyone else
he just wasn't enough
Jun 2020 · 138
your pride
Anastasia Jun 2020
i want to taste it
i want to taste your pride
i want to feel it
firm in my mouth
i want to feel it against my tongue
to taste it's fruit
smooth like cream
i want to feel it my hands
to caress it gently
hard against my fingertips
to feel your pride
soft against my lips
would be undeniably
heavenly
Jun 2020 · 318
doll's demise
Anastasia Jun 2020
dancing on a moonless night
the air is cold
stars the only light
a lacy white dress
flowing with her movement
is she porcelain
or is she human
a music box plays
while she slowly spins
her limbs held together
with staples and pins
sweet tinklings and chimes
while she closes her eyes
trapped in a hell
a soft gentle demise
winding down
the music slows
to staccato notes
there is no flow
just jerky beats
eventually

silence

my hands reach for the key
May 2020 · 773
Untitled
Anastasia May 2020
i need you
but
you're not

h
e
r
e
May 2020 · 89
Untitled
Anastasia May 2020
i was there for you
when your tears took over
but now your not here
while my fears take over
my head
my heart
and it's tearing me apart
May 2020 · 104
lies
Anastasia May 2020
and you lie
you lie with lips like petals
and eyes like jade
you lie with a heart shiny like gold
and cold like stone
you say you care
pretty words from a pretty mouth
you make promises
but they're just lies
and i believe them
every
single
time
i suppose it's because i still love you
May 2020 · 107
Ana Wasn't
Anastasia May 2020
Do you remember
The summer before December
You stole my sharpie from me
And wrote my name on a tree
It said Ana was
But Ana wasn't
ever really here
Apr 2020 · 262
soothe
Anastasia Apr 2020
darkness in my heart
flashing lights in my brain
the rise and fall
of your breathing
as you sleep next to me
i can imagine it perfectly
soothing my rapid breath
the warmth
of your chest
as your arms are wrapped around me
i can feel it on my skin
like it's real
casting my anxiety
far from here
thinking of your body
hands exploring
comfort in a familiar place
relieves the burning sensation
on my fingertips
lips on mine
pressing softly
petal soft
my favorite kind of dream
chases away
all my nightmares
hands in my hair
twisting my tresses
braiding with ribbons
calms my buzzing nerves
walking barefoot
in clear water
hand in mine
pacifies the static behind my eyes
all the dreams i wish i could have
Apr 2020 · 157
his vixen
Anastasia Apr 2020
run fiery creature
a small red thing
his name is simply fox
and trouble, he likes to bring
just out of his kit years
he searches for his *****
and as soon as he laid eyes on her
he knew that he was smitten
she had amber eyes and delicate paws
fur like fire and tips like gauze
as soon as he saw her his heart was aflame
he walked and they talked and he found out her name
lily was his *****, forever till the end
kisses and snuggles, his best friend
Apr 2020 · 59
saving him
Anastasia Apr 2020
"poor boy,"
she said
the girl inside my head

"a broken toy,"
she claimed
the person inside my brain

"no,"
i told her
my voice almost a slur

"he's not yours"
i breathed
in which a response she seethed

"he'll always be nothing, if not mine"
she screeched
******* the life from me like a leech

"never"
i said with a final breath
taking her with me to our death
Apr 2020 · 133
dear mom
Anastasia Apr 2020
thanks for putting up with my *******
Apr 2020 · 46
Untitled
Anastasia Apr 2020
he says somebody will love you
but i don't somebody
i want him
even though i shouldnt
Apr 2020 · 531
Taffeta and her Taxidermy
Anastasia Apr 2020
Taffeta watches the pigs atop the tables
Glass eyes and stitches where they're enabled
Guts pumping crimson liquid
Sewing 'em up, she's addicted
Family and friends recommend she withdraw
She responded with a twinkle in her eye and a dropped jaw
Scissors and string, that's all she'll need
Besides a corpse, of course, and a bit of stuffing
Lilac eyes affixed on a tattered pillow
Enjoying watching a weeping Willow
Her poor Porky pet has met his end
But everyone knows you can depend
Before your sweet pet starts to smell
On Taffeta's Taxidermy to stuff 'em well
Inspired by a randomly generated word prompt, which brought my mind to a song by Teddy Hyde, Terry's Taxidermy.
Apr 2020 · 316
milk and honey
Anastasia Apr 2020
milk and honey
on your lips
your perfume
sweet and soft
a milky bath
soak it in
dripping from my skin
taste it on your tongue
warm in my arms
sticky and smooth
like the way you make me feel
Apr 2020 · 379
in the clouds
Anastasia Apr 2020
my head was in the clouds
but now i'm on the ground
i keep thinking about the sky
but i can't go back now
remember what it was like
dancing upon the air
wind in my soul
cotton in my hair
i miss the hum
of distant planes
i used to be free
now i'm weighed down by chains
my head was in the clouds
but now i'm on the ground
i fell from the sky
and lost all i found
Apr 2020 · 114
hoping
Anastasia Apr 2020
i'd like to say i'm losing hope
but that's not true
i'll always keep hoping
so it'll hurt forever
Apr 2020 · 121
armageddon
Anastasia Apr 2020
if we had five minutes left
i'd spend them with you
staring into the eyes
of a pretty soul who flew
into the soon to be dead skies
we can't escape our demise
if we had to run away
from things we couldn't comprehend
i would stay with you
forever, until the end
i would never leave you. and i'm sorry for that.
Mar 2020 · 370
Hello Amour
Anastasia Mar 2020
Hello amour,
I thought I'd tell you
That your glimmering eyes
Are the souls of stars
Unfaltering
I thought you should know
That your lips are like wine
They give me a buzz
When I see them
And drink them in
I thought I would let you know
That your laugh is sweeter than the sound
Of raindrops pattering on roses
Mar 2020 · 40
sorry but
Mar 2020 · 326
sensations
Anastasia Mar 2020
bare skin
separating lips
eyes closing
gentle fingertips
hands reaching
parting thighs
tongue searching
rosy skies
fluttering lashes
arching back
hands through hair
walls begin to crack
curving neck
swaying hips
hands on waist
biting lips
Mar 2020 · 242
prisoner
Anastasia Mar 2020
the curve of your neck
the tilt of your head
the shape of your lips
shiny eyes as tears are shed
shattered glass
in the corners of your eyes
glittering slivers
never-ending highs
the way you move
the form of your thighs
the flick of your wrists
whisper pretty lies
tongue tasting
liking what it finds
can't escape the friction
twisting in your binds
pleasure taking you
out of your mind
wanting it forever
but running out of time
all on your own
watching you sway
moving to the rhythm
you know i'll stay
lost in you
drinking you in
hope you remember
my lips on your skin
look at me
with suffocating green eyes
fingers interlaced
underneath ashen skies
Mar 2020 · 226
teasing
Anastasia Mar 2020
you tease me
with those sweet words
i never know
if they mean something
or if they're just there
to keep me distracted
you look at me
with this strange look in your eyes
is it love
or disgust
or curiosity
found this in my drafts. now i know what it was. boredom.
Mar 2020 · 369
prettiest
Anastasia Mar 2020
his eyes
perhaps like the creek
greyish-blue with bits of moss
reflections from the sky
lips like roses
pink and soft
wanting them to press into my skin
once again
like it used to be
elegant hands
one in mine
hair soft
hands running through it
caramel and gold
shining in the sun
a smile
like the sun
lighting up my life
the prettiest boy i've ever seen
inside and out
Feb 2020 · 131
flying
Anastasia Feb 2020
i have a question
for the boy without wings
with a twinkle in his eyes
who collects many things
dear boy, might i ask
why do you try
when you already know
it's impossible to fly
Feb 2020 · 125
living hell
Anastasia Feb 2020
don't take a step
you'll set off the land mines
you're being too reckless
inside of your own mind
you're opening memories
you'd rather forget
you're alone and scared
your consciousness is a threat
you don't want to look into the past
your happiness so easily trashed
you're sick and tired
of standing alone
you're breathing in fear
all on your own
all these monsters
stuck in your head
whispers and phobias
that you should be dead
nightmares keep coming back
memories like a heart attack
you've lost so much
and now you'll lose more
the things you've done
behind a closed door
you've been given
a chance at redemption
but you didn't take it
confidence so thin
you're still afraid
i can tell
your life will stay
a living hell
i lost you...
Feb 2020 · 161
missing you
Anastasia Feb 2020
sitting in the rain
all on my own
thinking of you
and love we used to own
your lips on my neck
the things i remember
tears stream down my face
as i think of forever
i thought we'd have it
guess i was wrong
i want you back
can't be strong
you were the place i belonged to
the wish i always made
the one i'd sing my song to
and the one i always played
i miss you
i'm not lying
my hope
is slowly dying
i wish i could get back to you
wish you'd say you love me too
your smile
on my brain
love
like a stain
need you back
i can't let go
but i know the truth
i'll be alone
Feb 2020 · 466
die
Anastasia Feb 2020
die
if i can't live without you, then there's nothing left to do but die
Feb 2020 · 165
ghost
Anastasia Feb 2020
i lost you
the one i love the most
i'm scared of you
scared of your ghost
you're killing me
stuck in my head
haunting me
though you're not even dead
you're stuck there
floating in my mind
hurting me
every second, all the time
you're gone
but you're still here
taunting me
filling me with fear
Feb 2020 · 134
torn
Anastasia Feb 2020
i want to hurt you
but i want you back
i want to **** you
but i need you in my life

i want to watch you burn
have a heart attack
but i want to hold you
want to be your wife

i'm really mad
but i really love you, too
i'm really sad
and i miss you
Feb 2020 · 361
pinky promise
Anastasia Feb 2020
"pinky promise"
they both said
fingers interlocking
"i'll love you forever"
two young kids
with starry eyes
holding each other
scared of dark
brave with each other
"don't let go"
words whispered
fingers interlocked
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