"i'm going to leave you behind"
that's funny coming from me.
i won't stay and you won't go,
it's a fact we both know.

in this moment
laying here
with a little dog
i am okay

sometimes things that you love
will let go
before you are ready to let go
i am not ready to let go

but

in this moment
i lay with a little dog
and she tells me
to let go

i let go
and i am okay

she watches me
she has a tight grip on my throat
she?
mother.

in this moment
laying here
with a little dog
i am okay

am not a priority to you, him, or even my own mother. i always come second to someone else, and in this case, its her. i will not ask you to pick between us because i know who will be chosen, and it will not be me. do not try and tell me i am your priority, because i know that is a lie. so, lets go back to sleep and pretend like this conversation never happened.

i thought you were leaving in september
why is it not september?
why is it the month i met you that you decide to leave?
you were right when you said you'd be abandoning me.
i have eight days to spend a lifetime with you
and then you'll forget me
why does that bring me pain?
i hate to admit but i think i want your love
and maybe the sinking feeling in my stomach is not disgust but butterflies
and maybe i crave your touch more than i care to admit
how embarrassing that i should fall in love with a man that mirrors my fathers behavior (absent)
how embarrassing that i fall in love with a man at all