Whenever i feel alone
i go out and look at the night sky
a blanket of stars
or drive down a long road
under a canvas of golden yellow and orange
a one of a kind sunset
because i know
we are all looking at the same sky
whether you are my
next door neighbor
or around the world
the same time i am looking up
counting the stars
or admiring the sleepy sunrise
there is someone out there
doing the same.

it took me a while to realize
i deserve to be happy,
although it's easier said than done.
once you embrace
the things you can't change
the things you see
in the reflection
and despise
or the feelings
within you
that you can't shake off,
no matter how many tears
you try to wash them out with
they will remain.
i've learned that's the key,
realizing that they will always be there
but changing your perspective
is the choice of happiness.
accept inner and outer flaws,
someone else
adores them.
once you embrace
the traits about yourself
you have shunned,
it will be easier
to face yourself
with joy.
in this world,
you are the only you
in existence.
treat yourself well,
treat yourself to positivity.

I guess this is growing up
seeing your heroes
shatter into ordinary people
and how terrifying
the thought of being ordinary
truly is.
I have realized
the concept of time
and tangled with the thought
of being young and alive.
I have admitted to myself
late at night,
staring at the
craft store glowing stars
on my ceiling,
of how scared i am of growing up
and the future of it all.

I have heard
everything is a self portrait.
The sound of your laugh
or what sweater you choose
out of the bargain bin.
Your favorite poems,
or the songs you sing
when you think no one is listening.
Your handwriting and
if you dog ear
your favorite book pages.
We would love to think
of ourselves as a mystery,
something one another has to
put together
like a puzzle.
But you do that yourself,
pieces of your identity
your quirks
your habits
are apparent
when you least expect it,
you are the truest you,
in a moment where you don't
even realize it.
You are your own mystery,
and your clues are a give away,
a self portait you paint
for others to admire.

I want to live
where things happen
on a big scale
i don't want luke warm
or average
i crave city life,
burning hot.
full of life
and millions cramped into one place,
tiny apartments
and local coffee shops.
i like to pretend i am a city girl
who in reality
lives five minutes away from a beach
and has never even been in a taxi.
who gets nervous on public transportation
and is too short to see above crowds.
but i can reinvent myself
and shape myself like clay
into whoever i can be.
in a passionate city
and staying up
into the night,
while my town is fast asleep
and the city is wide awake.
i want a life of thrill
and intelligence
of the world.

What a pleasure it is
to be alive
at the same time as you
I could be lost in the 50s
swirling in a poodle skirt
and singing to frank sinatra
or the 60s
painting peace signs on my cheeks
thriving in a cultural decade
or i could be making my way
in the 70s or 80s
pretending i like disco
with poofy hair
i have teased my mother about.
but i am here
in the present
which is truly a gift
as im spending the golden ages
of my life
with you
when i could be
an entirely different person
in an entirely different millennium
but how lucky i am
alive and free
in the same universe as you

I always questioned
why my parents claimed to hate sugar
and how they said that most adults do.
Denying to put sweetness
into coffee
or a warm cup of tea,
while I counted
halloween candy,
and brushed until my gums bled
before the dentist
because i knew i had a sweet tooth.
is it because
once you grow older
the sweetness disintigrates
from your life?
or maybe
your way of thinking changes to bitter.
it's sweet
and beautiful
being young,
believing in everything
and everyone believing in you
but that fades
and you don't believe
even in yourself
you don't crave the sweetness anymore
you settle for the bland
black coffee
of a 9 to 5 schedule
and dreading your alarm.
but i promise myself
to always put spoons of sugar
into my coffee
and sneak
my children's halloween candy
because i refuse to settle
for a normal lifestyle.
i'll allow it
to rot my teeth
from the sickening
but lovely sweetness
of loving being alive.