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Dec 2015 · 1.1k
The Republican (Ben Carson)
Hilda Dec 2015
Bennie in White House
helping the rich get richer
while poor quickly rot
copyright December 17, 2015 by Hilda
It amazes me how either ignorant or extremely affluent most American citizens are by voting for so many rich Republicans who want to destroy Social Security, disability benefits, food coupons, etc.
Mar 2015 · 9.9k
Happy Birthday Dear Daughter
Hilda Mar 2015
Fourteen years ago when I held you in my arms, it seemed surreal. So fragile you were and like a tiny doll. Only God knows how much I miss being able to pick you up and hug you tightly close to my heart whenever I feel depressed.
And yet I love you now all the more. You are so special to me and always shall be. Our family has shared so many joys and so much heartbreak through the swiftly passing years.
You are sunshine and daybreak and iridescent rainbow hues.
The baby has been replaced with a very special friend.


Happy Birthday Sweet Daughter!


Much Love,
From Your Mother
copyright  Hilda   3/20/15
Hilda Sep 2014
Sweet gentle daughter of dreaming blue eyes
Reflecting visions from some distant sphere;
Untainted by nightmares of icy fear,
Nor saddened yet by fate's mocking disguise.
Unopened book of fickle tomorrow,
Not certain of how future may unfold,
With hours of lead or hours of molten gold;
Unenlightened yet by unknown sorrow.
Sands rush through the hourglass of wasted years,
While breaking our young hearts with shattered dreams.
The clock of life wrings disappointed tears,
Unhampered by our plans and clever schemes.
Beware grim reaper swinging ***** blade
Who mocks thee as childhood days slowly fade.

**~Hilda~
© Hilda September 20, 2014 4:48 PM
Dedicated to my dear daughter Marian.
Sep 2014 · 2.5k
And Still I Dream
Hilda Sep 2014
And still I dream of stepping back into yesterday
Where time flowed so freely golden with serenity
We would sit in pine scented grove and sip lemonade
Our talk tranquil as sun dappled creek murmuring in quiet wood
Never arguing or complaining but flooded with blissful reverie
A time bygone and peaceful, learning to know each other again
Listening to the background symphony of cicadas and katydids
Poignantly nostalgic with yearnings of bygone days
Watching velvety dusk deepen into shades of whispering night
Relishing each breeze laden with moss and murmuring pine
Anticipating the dawn awakened by drowsy robins and wood thrush
Skies east to west stained with strawberry hues and dreams renewed
And still I shall dream on

**~Hilda~
© Hilda September 7, 2014  Eleven o'clock PM
Sep 2014 · 821
Dearest Sister
Hilda Sep 2014
Just thought I'd write these few lines
Praying God will take this message to you
I miss you so, dearest Joy!
Words cannot express the pain
Locked within my breast
Those times we sat sipping black coffee and
Talking about God and the Bible
Listening to a preacher on TV or sometimes a cartoon
The scent of your cigarette blending with spicy apple candle
Later you graduated to a smokeless cigarette,
Then finally you became too weak to smoke at all
Or even drink or eat or move
Dearest Joy, I miss you so!
I try to laugh and smile and joke
To comfort Tim and Marian yet the ache remains in my heart
Tim says he sometimes thinks he hears your footsteps in the woods
Sometimes I think I hear your soft knock at our door
Or that the phone ringing will be you
Always you were so sweet and appreciative
Thanking me over and over for the simplest little things
Thank you, sweetest Joy, for the lovely drinking glasses you gave us
And that special card you made which said
"Until we drink together of that water in heaven"
Forgive me for the Hospice group, dear Joy
I honestly believed that they would try to help
Rather than just cheerfully watching you die day after day
Thank you, dearest Sister, for all the sweet little gifts
Most of all your friendship and love
So I am praying that God will send this message to you
Perhaps show us some glimpse of Heaven to comfort our broken hearts
We love you, Sweetest Sister, and always will

**~Hilda~
In memory of my precious sister Joy who passed to Heaven upon June 10 of this year.
© Hilda  September 5, 2014.
Aug 2014 · 651
Not a Poem
Hilda Aug 2014
Dear Friends on HP,

First, I wish to thank all of you for your support whether by comment or via message. This has been quite encouraging during my time here on HP.
Second, I wish to inform everyone here that I need a brief (or otherwise) vacation so I may give more time to prayer, meditation, etc., along with household duties. Also, I need to spend more time upon writing fiction which I have been unable to accomplish lately.
So please do not take it personally if I am unable to reply to your poems, since I need this time off for awhile. I have prayed about this and felt this to be God's will for me.
Thanks so much again for your continued support!
Hilda  August 31, 2014
Aug 2014 · 2.2k
Forgive
Hilda Aug 2014
Please forgive me, dearest, for misunderstanding you this evening. I simply did not want you to have to spend money on ,me. Forgive me for not being quick to respond to your suggestion of picing up something to eat. I am crying inside even as I write this. Can you PLEASE forgive me? For only an misunderstanding? My heart is breaking tonight with sorrow. dear God, please forgive me for misunderstanding him. Can you forgive me, God? Or are you angry at me? Please, please forgive!
© Hilda   August 29, 2014
Aug 2014 · 622
Forgive ( Senryu )
Hilda Aug 2014
The harder I try
All the more mistakes I make
Forgive me fam'ly
© Hilda  August 29, 2014   Seems like I keep making mistakes and want to do better, dear family.
Hilda Aug 2014
Day draws slowly to its close
Deepens into mauve
May thy spirit find repose
Resting in God's love

May tomorrow bloom afresh
All thy dreams come true
Let not happiness regress
Dawn shall hope renew

**~Hilda~
Dedicated to my dear husband Timothy, hoping this may brighten his evening and morrow
© Hilda  August 27, 2014
Aug 2014 · 841
Daybreak ( trochee )
Hilda Aug 2014
May God bless thee daughter dear
Take away thy grief
Wiping away each sad tear
Flood thee with relief

Daybreak greet thy eager eye
Hues of crimson bright
Vanishing each weary sigh
Awe thee with delight

**~Hilda~
© Hilda August 27, 2014
Aug 2014 · 2.0k
Contentment
Hilda Aug 2014
Dilapidated
Crumbling with leaks and rust
Sagging floors and broken chairs
Hours of golden laughter ring
And contentment reigns supreme

**~Hilda~
© Hilda August 25, 2014
Aug 2014 · 563
Sweet Tea ( dodoitsu )
Hilda Aug 2014
Constant Comment and Earl Grey
Lemon Lift and Lady Grey
Induce Creativity
Bringing Slumber Sweet
©  Hilda  August 25, 2014
Hilda Aug 2014
Slowly fades today
lost in chronicles of time
only memories

grey ashes of yesterday
haunting me with pain

tomorrow so futile seems
stabbing me with fears

longing  brokenly for hope
and lost yesterdays

hoping God may somehow blend
morrow with sweet yesterday

**~Hilda~
© Hilda August 24, 2014
Aug 2014 · 1.7k
Mushrooms (Dodoitsu)
Hilda Aug 2014
in eastern meadow and wood
mushrooms of lemon and beige
strawberry and creamy white
flood me with rapture
© Hilda August 22, 2014
Aug 2014 · 2.3k
Retreat (Tanka)
Hilda Aug 2014
at our old retreat
tall glasses of sweet iced tea
air of moss perfume
prayer and books and quietude
amongst gently soughing pines

**~Hilda~
Dedicated to my dear husband Timothy
© Hilda August 22, 2014
Aug 2014 · 511
Dreams
Hilda Aug 2014
If I could sweet wishes bestow
That you measure of my love know
A land where happy dreams may glow

We would waken with glad dawn
Relieved to find all sorrows gone
And laugh as sunbeams gild our lawn

Then sitting in the tranquil shade
We'd sip iced tea or lemonade
While praying day would never fade

And so upon the bleakest night
Red spicy candles we would light
To meditate or perhaps write

Thus unable my dreams to prove
With perfumed token of my love
Left mournful as the weeping dove

**~Hilda~
Dedicated to Marian.
© Hilda August 22, 2014
Aug 2014 · 2.4k
Lavender Lullaby
Hilda Aug 2014
in tiny capsules
lavender lullaby as
sweet blue diazepam
© Hilda August 19, 2014    Dedicated to my dear husband Timothy and sweet daughter Marian who are struggling with insomnia
Aug 2014 · 720
My Dream For You
Hilda Aug 2014
If dreams were tangible, dear princess, I'd give you mine
this dream where unfading echoes never die
Back a long, grassy lane, a house once white, now greying with time
set against the ***** of verdant hill, and crowded amongst a hundred soughing pines
Nearby a sundappled wood with tranquil creek and mossy stones
Ferns tall as your waist and creamy mushrooms
Beyond stretch clover scented pasture haunted by purplish dusk and
ghosts of gurnsey calves with solemn eyes

To bring a smile to your lovely face and a song to your heart.
Above a garret where silvery moonbeams dance
scented by old mothballs and books from bygone days
their yellowed pages mildewed and musty with age
Perhaps some tear stained journal from yesteryears
penned by long dead poetess, kindred spirit facing hardships like our own
listening to this same ancient wind sweeping the trees, gaunt branches scratching windowpanes as souls forlorn
yes, I would give you all this, sweet princess, if wishes had wings
just to bring a smile to your lovely face

this dream where unfading echoes never die
© Hilda August 13, 2014   Written for my dear daughter Marian who has felt rather sad and tired tonight
Aug 2014 · 873
Dr Pepper (Senryu)
Hilda Aug 2014
cold Dr Pepper
in old fashioned glass bottle
evokes sweet mem'ries
© Hilda August 12, 2014
Aug 2014 · 817
The Poem
Hilda Aug 2014
It matters not if your poetry be Sonnet or Haiku. Nor yet if it be free style. The only thing which matters is the essence of the poem which should reflect the true heart of its writer.
© Hilda  August  11, 2014
Hilda Aug 2014
A cheerful and kind disposition brings beauty to any face and loveliness of character is as sweet perfume, gladdening the hearts of those around you.
Hilda © August 12,2014
Aug 2014 · 2.2k
Sonnet IX: Insecurity
Hilda Aug 2014
Forgive me dearest for my childlike ways;
Those dormant traits which never seem to die.
Forgive my foolishness and futile days,
Although when seized how quickly seem to fly!
A word well intended uttered in haste;
A cup of cold water spilling as tears.
Each dream shattered as days blend into waste.
Unspoken thoughts hampered by icy fears.
Nor am I gifted with spirit mature
Able to gratify impulse or whim.
Some enjoy life so capable and sure
Untainted by cold nature's hand so grim.
Thus musing upon grey veiled tomorrow
May we refrain from worry to borrow.

**~Hilda~
© Hilda 8/10/14
Jul 2014 · 1.0k
For Today (Senryu)
Hilda Jul 2014
Seize each golden hour
Living only for today
Cherish each moment


~Hilda~
© Hilda July 30, 2014
Jul 2014 · 799
Thy Presence I Now Find
Hilda Jul 2014
Not only in sweet melodious song
Of robin trilling at fresh break of dawn.
Thy love and Presence I now find
In floors unswept and tattered blind
From wearisome day and night void of sleep
Which causest the merriest heart to weep.
In dismal November's drizzling rain
Which beating against broken windowpane,
A funeral dirge from sad yesterday;
Solemnity of knells—hopeless decay.


~Hilda~
© Hilda July 30, 2014 6:50pm
Jul 2014 · 558
Sweet Lady Jane
Hilda Jul 2014
Our sweet Lady Jane!
Silv'ry fur and round green eyes
Blinding us with love.

Our Proud Lady Jane!
Haughty airs and noble grace
Allure us to thee.

Our Cross Lady Jane!
Grumbling throughout the day
Wearying us still.

Genteel Lady Jane!
Deems herself Queen of the home
Secure in our love.

**~Hilda~
Written July 18, 2014
© Hilda July 27, 2014
12:10am
Hilda Jul 2014
O God! to Whom I blindly seek Thy face
And search for vaguest token of Thy love,
So thereby hoping Thy mercy to prove
If I should merit faintest shred of grace.
Forgive these cries by one with wild despair
Issued from broken heart and shattered dreams,
Heightened by terror of demonic schemes,
Whose hopes lie dashed by each unanswered prayer.
Yet help me, Thou, from such lies to refrain,
And hear Thy voice again in soughing pine.
Thus sweet release in sharpest thorn of pain,
Give beauty for ashes in love divine.
O Thou hast gently taken her last breath,
Along with Thee triumphant over death.

**~Hilda~
Petrarchan (Italian) Sonnet type.
Written July 18, 2014
© Hilda July 27, 2014
12:10am
Jul 2014 · 6.2k
Gone
Hilda Jul 2014
Time hath ceased.
All clocks stopped.
Where you passed by
in dew kissed meadow,
void of thy presence.
We hear no more
at our door
thy gentle knock.
After thy passing
and before
persistent loud cry
of Whip-poor-will.
Now that is still.

Silence.


**~Hilda~
© Hilda July 4, 2014
Jul 2014 · 1.5k
Sonnet VII: Tribute To Joy
Hilda Jul 2014
No longer doth she walk the twilit earth,
Her knock forever absent from our door.
Death's icy grasp banished our childlike mirth
Silencing her sweet voice forevermore.
Laid aside dreams from spirit grown weary;
Perfume of burning candles flood her room.
How dragged those final days on steps dreary
Awaiting with tears the oncoming gloom.
Sweet Joy! I long to see thee once again
Tripping so merrily through woodland green,
Or nymph-like wandering in mist and rain.
Amber hair and faery form no more seen,
Flown as a free bird from imprisoned cage,
Vanished from life, leaving one cherished page.


**~Hilda~
In memory of my dear sister: Joy.
Several years ago she told me,
"You know, this life is just like a page of a book compared to eternity."

Written July 2, 2014
© Hilda July 4, 2014
Hilda Jun 2014
So closely, too long have I walked with Death,
Nothing shall ever look the same again;
Flaunting in face his tainted, foul breath,
Stabbing me anew with tears of sharp pain.

How many years ago it seems to be!
When I mused beneath noontime's honeyed rays
Dappling ev'ry lichened woodland tree,
Whilst mocking and beckoning brighter days.

May's gentle, sweet breath of pine-scented night
Redolent with newly mown meadow hay
Stifles song and dulls each thrill of delight,
Reminding sweeter yet shall pass away.

So closely, too long have I walked in dread,
Crippled by pain within agonized breast;
Too long lingered in the land of the dead
Whilst only parting shall mock my request.

The scythe of the grim reaper draws e'er near,
Terrorizing each sleepless night and day,
Making game of wildest nightmare and fear
As a gleeful child delights at his play.


*~Hilda~
© Hilda June 30, 2014
Hilda Jun 2014
More beneath mould'ring sullen earth do sleep
Than move and breathe with calm and cheerful ease;
Mocking flowers drooping who muse and weep—
Sturdy oaks free of sadness and disease.

Unconscious of final approaching doom,
Last appointment at late or early hour;
Unmindful of eager awaiting tomb,
Blissful, never do they despair nor tire.

'Till gaiety darkens to doleful sigh.
At the end of ev'ry road laughs a grave,
Whilst cruel time triumphantly doth fly
Mocking sad flower and stalwart oak brave.


**~Hilda~
© Hilda June 30, 2014
Jan 2014 · 1.3k
Slow Dawn of Spring
Hilda Jan 2014
Vibrant hues of Autumn
Fades now into the
Winter water color hues
And bleak barren trees.

Days of frozen landscape
And dreams have to defrost.
All the ice and snows now
Cover the twigs once filled with roses.

Trembling in each gust
Barren trees moan, stretching
Gaunt arms towards bleak grey skies
Pleading for rebirth.

Sunset fades to blackness
Shrouding the silent earth,
Devoid of tranquil benediction
No ray of light or hope.

Awakening the resurrection
Of Spring's triumphant song,
Return of Thrush and Robin
Blending with all nature in jubilant symphony.

Until then the minor strains
Of the winter Hermit Thrush
Spiraling hope of the warmer days
And softens up the Arctic blast.

Then finally with the last
White-throated Sparrows gone
And the daylight hours increase
Spring arrives and Winter retreats!


~Timothy and Hilda~

~-Russian-~

Медленный Рассвет весны

Яркие оттенки осени
Теперь исчезает в
Зимой воды цветовых оттенков
И мрачно бесплодных деревьев.

Дни замороженных ландшафтов
И мечты нужно разморозить.
Лед и снег сейчас
Покрывают ветками, когда заполнены с розами.

Дрожал от каждого порыва
Бесплодной деревья стонут, растяжения
Гонта оружия к мрачное серое небо
Пледирование для возрождения.

Закат бледнеет до черноты
Зачехление немого земли,
Лишенный тихой благословение
Не луч света и надежды.

Пробуждение в воскресение
Торжествующий песни весны,
Возвращение молочница и Робин
Смешивание с всю природу в ликующая симфония.

До сих пор незначительные штаммов
Зимы отшельник молочница
Растущие надежды на теплые дни
И размягчает Арктический взрыв.

Наконец, с последним
Белый – Рубиновогорлый Воробьев ушел
И увеличение светового дня
Весна приходит и зима отступает!


~Тимоти и Хильда~
A Husband and Wife collaboration.
(Still working on an entire family collaboration.)
Hope you enjoy this writing!
© Timothy 26 January, 2014.
© Hilda 26 January, 2014.
Jan 2014 · 1.6k
Ashes of Yesterday
Hilda Jan 2014
Beneath yew tree's shade
mouldering they sleep
ashes of yesterday

Chronicles of time
ravage golden yesterdays
ne'er more to live again

O swelling anthem of praise
chorus of robin, warbler,
and oriole,
mocking my broken heart
triumphantly sing!

Smile on! Thou blazing sun
and scorn dreamless beds
of innocent furry friends
ashes of yesterday

~

**~Hilda~
© Hilda January 18, 2014.
Jan 2014 · 1.2k
Death in August
Hilda Jan 2014
Sweet wisteria
Weakly protesting their death
By covetous hand

Never had they bloomed
In such profuse abandon
Till those last three years

Trailing sad windows
Lush purple riot of vines
Struggle to protest

One morn I woke to
Roar of angry bulldozers
At the empty house

Nothing there remains
One brief hour quickly shattered
My belovèd home

*~Hilda~
(Each stanza is a Senryu.)
© Hilda January 18, 2014.
Jul 2013 · 2.7k
His Presence
Hilda Jul 2013
I sought Him in temples where anthems swell
Stained glass windows and polished sermons suave;
Yet here I knew He did not dwell,
While poor child of dust creeps to his grave.

I sought Him in churches rustic and plain
Eager to drown my heartfelt sorrow,
These mockery so futile and vain
As I searched for a brighter morrow.

In meadow alone, a breeze touched my face
Whispering of days bygone, yet still dear
When life flowed at a leisurely pace
And I felt His presence - O! so near!

Bittersweet weeping of the mourning dove
Awakens me to sad pleading eyes
Shattering my heart with vials of love.
Forsaken man and beast hold God's disguise.

I see Him in each rippling blade of grass
When dew of morn glistens with His tears.
In moaning of wind I hear Him pass
Through aromatic pines and lose all fears.

God does not dwell in temples made with hand,
But speaks to us through each soughing pine.
Proud wealthiest mansions o'er all the land
Mocked by His majestic Hand divine.





**~Hilda~
© Hilda July 31, 2013.
Jul 2013 · 1.5k
With the Help of God
Hilda Jul 2013
I may not often have the time
To express my gratitude
for all you do for me
Day dissolves into night
leaving words unsaid
while loving hands continue
to knead each loaf of bread
So please forgive me of any wrong
robbing you of thy song
With  the help of God I'll strive to be
A better mother to Marian
and sweeter wife to thee.

**~Hilda~
© Hilda July 23, 2013.
Jul 2013 · 1.2k
Untitled
Hilda Jul 2013
Please forgive any thing I did or said if it made you feel unhappy.

**~Hilda~
To my family  
each loaf of bread is kneaded with love.

© Hilda July 23, 2013.
Jun 2013 · 1.5k
Gladsome Day
Hilda Jun 2013
How I yearn to make this a gladsome day
So you may know how much I love thee dear!
Words so difficult for me to portray
How I yearn to make this a gladsome day
Flowing with sunshine through each honeyed ray
May God comfort thy heart from ev'ry fear
How I yearn to make this a gladsome day
So you may know how much I love thee dear!
Dedicated to my dear husband Timothy!
© Hilda July 15, 2013.
Jun 2013 · 1.1k
Willfully Blinded
Hilda Jun 2013
"I thought you might enjoy this dvd about St. Francis," said Emily Scott, glancing curiously about the living room which looked like it had come out of "Better Homes and Gardens". However did the Detweilers not only manage to keep everything immaculate,but afford such extravagant furniture? Which is why it would prove enlightening to know what she thought of St. Francis.
A week later she called Regina Detweiler on the phone. " Well, how was the dvd? Did you like it?"
    "Oh, it was awesome... my husband and I throughly enjoyed it."
    "You mean... you agree with his philosophies?"
     "Philosophies? Hmmm. Oh, that! Well, he-uh- lived a long time ago."
As Jesus said, "These people are ever seeing but never perceiving..."
Jun 2013 · 793
No Tommorow
Hilda Jun 2013
Her arms felt empty and pain stabbed her heart. There were no more cats left. Nothing. Odd how the tears refused to come. Only pain. For a long time she stood staring blankly out the window.
  Why had she ever supposed that all she was doing was helping little innocent creatures who were now gone? Only her heart beat on and on, though broken.
  Finally with a sigh she sat down with her notebook, but no words came.
Usually a story starts with a beginning. But I decided to be unconventional and write the end first.
Jun 2013 · 1.7k
Untitled
Hilda Jun 2013
.
"That there Is'belle's house stinks wunderful turr'ble,"croaked Emma Beiler at their quilting bee.
"Jah...vell," sighed Rosanna Yoder. "All them there katzes , ain't so?"
Accordingly the two ladies set out to pay Travis and Isabella Salter a visit, only to be politely told that they had were in the process of taking some cats to a local shelter.
Two weeks passed and to the Amish folks' disgust the odour had merely intensified.
"Them there Englisch are chust liars!" Potato Sam spat the words out along with a *** of chewing tobacco.
" Ach, vell," sighed  his wife Rosanna, unaware of her heavily sweating underarms. The Ordnung  strictly forbade deodorant as well as perfume. "Reckon I best  mosey over and see fur myself."
Travis opened the door with a tired sigh.
'Chust thought I'de ask vhat fur stinks yer house up so vonderful tur'ble...Izzy tells us youse gettin' rid of them but-"
A puzzled look crossed Travis weary face as he glanced toward the kitchen. Irritation gripped him, not lessened as Rosanna glowered at Tabby washing her face on the couch. Then a waft of a familiar scent, overpowering, drifted toward him from the kitchen. Brussel sprouts enhanced by -.
With all the stress, Isabelle was increasing her calming herbs, mixing the powders.... Valerian?
"Good evening, Mrs. Yoder." He motioned her toward the door, locking it firmly behind her. For a long time after she was gone he stood staring out the window.
Jun 2013 · 1.3k
Freedom
Hilda Jun 2013
A gentleman traveling through Alabama was interested in Uncle Ned. "So you were once a slave, eh?" said the gentleman.
"Yes, sah," said Uncle Ned.
"How thrilling!" exclaimed the gentleman. "And after the war you got your freedom, eh?"
"No, sah," said Uncle Ned gloomily. "I didn't get mah freedom, sah. After de war I done got married."
Jun 2013 · 1.2k
Mr. Lincoln's Poem
Hilda Jun 2013
My childhood's home I see again,
And sadden with the view;
And still, as memory crowds my brain,
There's pleasure in it, too.

O memory! Thou midway world
'Twixt earth and paradise,
Where things decayed , and loved ones lost,
In dreamy shadows rise.

And freed from all that's earthly vile,
Seems hallowed, pure, and bright,
Like scenes in some enchanted isle,
All bathed in liquid light.
Jun 2013 · 2.1k
The Garden of Proserpine
Hilda Jun 2013
We are not sure of sorrow,
And joy was never sure;
Today will die tomorrow;
Time stoops to no man's lure;
And love, grown faint and fretful,
With lips but half regretful
Weeps that no love endures.

From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving
Whatever God may see,
That no man lives forever;
That dead men rise up never;
That even the weariest river
Winds somewhere safe to sea.

Here, where the world is quiet;
Here, where all trouble seems
Dead winds and spent waves' riot
In doubtful dreams of dreams;
I watch the green field growing
For reaping folk and sowing,
For harvest time and mowing,
A sleepy world of streams.

I am tired of tears and laughter,
And men that laugh and weep
Of what may come hereafter
For men that sow to reap:
I am weary of days and hours,
Blown buds of barren flowers
Desires and dreams, and powers
And everything but sleep.




A.C. Swinburne
(with slight alterations)
Jun 2013 · 1.4k
Untitled
Hilda Jun 2013
One Sunday night  a drunken man went down the streets about three sheets in the wind and bumped against a tree. Thinking he had hit a man, he backed off, took off his hat, and said,"scuse me,sir- scuse me." He staggered on a few steps, struck a man, and courtesied again, before staggering away.
A neighbor came along, seeing him stumble against a fence."Why, William! You need to go to revivals with me."
Accordingly the two set out for the meeting held at the nearby church, all the while William recalling what a hypocrite the deacon was.
Making his way down the aisle he threw himself on the pew beside the disgusted looking deacon, while Neighbor Jones took the bench behind.
As deacon Goodwench rolled his eyes in horror, William grinned and winked at him.
Presently the evangelist came to an eloquent Biblical passage and called, "Where is the drunkard?"
Whereupon William rose, folded his arms, and shouted,"Here's the sot. Blaze away," and proceeded to stand at his pew till the evangelist finished the verse.
The Reverend Crawford came to another Biblical passage and called out, "Where is the hypocrite?"
Nobody moved and you could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly William arose,reached over and gave Deacon Goodwench a rough nudge in his side. "Get up and take your med'chine,< Goodwench! Likes I did when he called me..."
Jun 2013 · 1.7k
Orion
Hilda Jun 2013
Two Irishmen were roaming the fields one night when one chanced to exclaim," How bright Orion looks tonight- almost as if singing?"
The other Irishman glanced up with a smile. "So that is O'Ryan, eh? Thank God there must be one Irishman in heaven at least."
Jun 2013 · 932
School Day
Hilda Jun 2013
"Now, Harold," smiled his teacher,"if there were twelve sheep in a field and seven jumped the fence how many are left?"
"None, ma'am."
"None? Why, you are wrong, Harold. You-"
"No, ma'am, there wouldn't. You may know arithmetic but you don't know sheep."
Jun 2013 · 1.3k
Aristocracy
Hilda Jun 2013
"I tell you I won't have this room!" snorted the aristocratic lady to the bellboy who was conducting her. "I refuse to pay decent money for a pigsty such as this! If you think-"
Profoundly disgusted, the boy interrupted. "Get in, mum. Get in! This ain't yer room. Can't ya see it's an eluvateer?"
Jun 2013 · 1.1k
After Dinner Spice
Hilda Jun 2013
There was a minister who ordered a pair of dentures. People wondered why his sermons got longer and longer. Finally they discovered he had ordered a pair of women's dentures.
Jun 2013 · 921
Numbers 22:28-33
Hilda Jun 2013
And the Lord opened the mouth of the donkey, and she said unto Balaam,
"What have I done unto thee that thou hast smitten me these three times?"
And Balaam said, "because thou hast mocked me I would there were a sword in my hand, for now I would **** thee."
And the donkey said unto Balaam, "Am I not thine donkey which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day?was I ever wont to do so unto thee?" And he said,"Nay."
And the angel of the Lord said unto him, "Wherefore hast thou smitten thine donkey these three times? behold I went out before thee because thy way is perverse before me. And the donkey saw me and turned from me these three times: unless she had turned from me , surely now also I had slain thee and saved her alive."
The righteous man regards the life of his beast but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.
Jun 2013 · 842
II Samuel 12:1-4
Hilda Jun 2013
There were two men in one city; the one rich, the other poor.
The rich man had exceeding many flocks and herds,
but the poor man had nothing save one little ewe lamb which he had bought and nourished up, and
it grew up together with him and with his children; it did eat of his own meat and drank of his own cup, and lay in his ***** and was unto him as a daughter.
And there came a traveller unto the rich man and he spared to take of his own flock, and of his own herd, to dress for the wayfaring man that was come unto him, but took the poor man's lamb and dressed it for the man that was come to him.
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