In the cold, dark
        of January,
         I remembered
              you
        the most.
  As the chill
      snapped bones
              like branches,
     as the afternoons
   bathed themselves
in gray,
     as the birds
and the backs
      shook,
so did my lips
   around your name.
I'm so happy
     January is almost
over now.

she loves you with all her being
she would give away her soul for you
on the night of Christmas eve
you killed her
you killed the person who would run to you
the person you would run to
the angels sing
and devils laugh
monitors beep
****** on Christmas eve
she bleeds cries screams
she would run to you
but how can she when it's ur knife in her chest
she's six feet under
u are oblivious to what you have done
for her ghost will still smile for u
her ghost will still hug you as you sleep
wipe your tears when you cry
for she couldn't find it in her self
to hurt her lover
even if he killed her
but you will look like a fool
as you dance with the ghost
of the girl
you murdered
on Christmas eve

your sister laughs at the to of her lungs
while my tears water the pillow
maybe the ashes on it will grow into a phoenix, probably not
they say the phoenix rises from the ashes
burns again
then rises again
then burns again
then rises again, and the cycle never ends
it feels like my life is going the same way
crying in bed
suicide attempts
hospital beds
and it feels like it's never gonna end
but it ends
though it doesn't feel like rising
cause it happens again
cause when I rise to the surface
above the water
it seems like I've forgotten how to take a breath
it goes up and down
but up doesn't feel good
it's not as bad as down
still, it feels confusing
scary
cause I know I will turn into ashes
yet again
your sister laughs
I cry in my bed
I keep it down so u don't hear a sound
cause I don't want you to ask me why I'm crying
I'll probably just end up lying
saying I'm fine
and I don't want your sister hearing me cry anyway
the moon whispers goodnight
but the drunk rooster
screams wake up!
I'm awake, rooster
I always am
but darling moon
I'm dead inside

It’s a sin
It’s a fault
I kind of want to scream
I’m sorry
To the whole world
You’re destroying me
By building me up
Getting me down
By helping me reach the top
Oh stop
But don’t stop
Let’s stay away
But not give us up
Let’s have hope
But let’s give up
Let us laugh
Let us sob
I’m down the hill
But at the mountain top
I’m going crazy
But my sanity doesn’t drop
I’m alive
But my soul gave up

Dig ur claws into me why don’t you
Shatter my heart of glass
Stab every part of my body that still works
**** me with ur words
Dig into my skin
And cut the pieces
I tried to mend
Break my life and my existence
It’s already broken
What’s the difference

Our love
Is double suicide

My inner self
wears a devilish smirk
mocking my healthy living.

It’s seen this cycle
many times before
life’s not that forgiving.

Smiling because
it knows my truth
whispering in my ear,

your pleasure lies
in pain my friend
this act is insincere.

Get up early
eat an apple
run a mile or two.

Unless you wipe
me off your heart
self-worth will not accrue.

You don’t believe
not yet I know
from here it’s plain to see.

Because I am you
not drugs or *****
you cannot hide from me.