We're all too busy
Trying to make
Things last
We don't notice
How fast
Things slip away from us
We all want
To stop the clock
And be trapped in a perfect
Moment
Yet while we are trying
To make this moment perfect
We are losing the true meaning
Of being with this person
Or place or object
It's perfectness is slipping away
Because we are thinking
And stressing to much

Be my 2 am
You'll see that in this early hour of the morning
The real me surfaces
Because no one is looking
No one is taking me in
Thinking about it
My 2 am knows more than I ever will
Because somedays I have forgotten
What I used to fret over at this time
It will always know what I thought of last
Before my eyelids faltered
It will always know what I looked like
When my breathing became steady and even
So, if only I could shove
Every single 2 am
Inside my brain
I will know exactly what I think of you
I will know exactly why I am so sad
But I do not have hyperthymesia
So I will never know
But if time does not exist
And only clocks do;
Maybe 2 am is just a personality
That finally takes over
Once I've realized
How lonely
I am

I've memorized
The way your ceiling looks
And how your brown eyes
Work me over
While you hands caress me so softly
Like one wrong move
And I'll shatter
You breathe how much you love
The way my mouth
Forms into a circle
so delicately
And my toes curl
In these moments
All I can think about
Is how we are one
How much I really love you

I've uncovered the refresh
Button

I'm never turning back

Suicide sounded like a life saver
that was thrown to me
from me


I realize now that
this wasn't the case.

i think ive been wallowing
in self pity long enough
so dont be suprised when
i dont say i miss you back
im not unrequited
just looking ahead
you ask to meet again
and i understand
because i used to need that
type of closure
needed to see
you mouth goodbye
even if we made out
and i decided i wanted
to stay
nothing is dedicated
to you anymore
your pictures join the ashes
and ill dive into a blunt
instead of listing
your old habits
in a few months
traces of you
will literally be
untraceable
i dont plan
with you in mind
im never grasping
to call you mine
my bed is warm
because ive layered the blankets
ive realized you left it colder

I still feel the honeymoon feeling
When you asked me to be yours
And the way your hands trembled
And the way your lips formed my name

I hope the sky is clear
For you tonight
And I hope the moon
Reminds you of my eyes
Instead of being down
The street
You're a few thousand miles
Away
Connecting with you
Is now replaced with
Falling hard
My bruises are where I made
Wishes
For your kisses
Your brown eyes
Are reflections
Of cloudless skies

I've had the epiphany
Of all epiphanies

Persuasive tongues
Pleasure filled hours
Of memorizing the colors
Of your sheets
And how you sighed
In dim lighting;
Was all a scam

I felt love
Whilst you felt lust

Feeling love on my neck
Lust scratches all over your back

Now it's over though
My brain responded
To your pressures
Your eyes that only saw
Under my clothes

Yet you never wanted
To venture into
My undressed mind

I am going to pick up
the breaths I dropped
and put them back into my lungs
I will let my heart
caress every vein
every place where
warming blood flows
i am going to open my eyes
like the summer solstice
see things in a new light
Teenage Sadness is starting
to bore me to death
(Literally)
the Twisteds are leaving me
and i remember that
i have a Choice
mind shrinkers and numbing medicine
are things i look forward to getting rid of
toxic relationships
will be washed away down the drain
with my shampoo
because i'll realize
i don't want to put my happiness
in someone else's hands
i will read books
kiss people
wear the same shoes everyday
because i feel like it
explanations can be overrated
i won't let tears run
because the number on the scale
isn't what i want it to be
i will Live
not just exist
Live
Live
Live
happily and healthily
multiple ephanies will be
a girls best friend
i see that i can
do This
all these bodies will only be around
for 3 more years
all this work i am not interested in
will only be around
for 3 more years
i will leave when i can
and i will remember
the Specifics
this town is full of scars
i am eager for new flesh
i have faith in
growing

He's an introvert
Yet an extrovert at its finest times
He's optimistic
And a pessimist
He is the heart of a hurricane
And the floor of the calm ocean
He fixes things
Says he is broken
He contradicts himself
But acts as though he will never
Be wrong
I love how upside down
He is
I love this boy because
Of his backwardness
And his tendency to make up
Words
And places
I love this boy because
He follows the rules
But also breaks them
He is the ultimate roller coaster
I feel daring and unbuckle
My seatbelt
The drops the dips the spins
The curves
My body is thrown off
I bonk my head on the ground of his
Brain
He doesn't make sense
But he does
At the same time

I feel the snowflakes
In early July
Covering the streets
Shading my eyes in
It's sleet

Snowflakes and sun
Beating down on bare backs
Beaches filled with
Laughing bodies

Still there is a corner
Where a small pale girl
Looks out onto the ocean
Wishing to feel the sun
To feel the warmth
Of anything

Snow tends to pile up
Rain can make it more
Dreary

Haven't felt the safeness
Of the only light
In the sky
For quite some time

It worries me to know
That even if it is
80 degrees

I'm neck deep

In ice crystals

it is shocking that
you think it is not
shocking
muttering regrets
to me
saying you have none
to everyone else

you have a big tendency
of being the biggest
paradox i have ever encountered

i won't be waiting
for the day you realize
what you actually had said
i ask for all the strength
to push you away
when you barge in for more

payback is sometimes
the only language you speak
as well as apologies
and accusations

you look too close
don't breathe enough of it
in
before acting on it

you push on concrete
hoping somehow
you will have the strength
to shatter it
and when and if you do
you take all the cement
to fix it
only to break it again

back and forth
always a never ending game
(like ping pong)

except you always have
to be the winner
and when you are not
your language comes creeping

later on though
you will regret it

but this time i will not
care of your regrets
you're wishy washy
a hopeless romantic
(not the good kind)

little brain is racing
for all these things
to say

you want someone
mature
when you cant even
be that yourself

you are your own version
of Pandora's Box
locked away

sooner or later
someone will come along
and unlock you
just like how i did

now it is my turn
to regret

i am tired of restarting
but instead of
picking it back up again
never stopping
i will leave it

run away to the closest
state of mind where you
do not
reside

Deeper than the ocean could not explain how I feel on these dreary days and as light as a cloud could never express how much I want to weigh. Dip me in radioactive waste, hoping I get a taste of what I am doing to myself; maybe I will retrieve with powers that make me more invisible than I already perceive myself to be. Depression is an old sleepy dog inside my mind. It gets excited and stays longer when I sulk around in my own depths of self pity. I want to put this dog down, sadly I can't seem to give it up. I'm still waiting for the day my eye doctor asks what drugs I have been taking because I always am bloodshot but you can't see it unless you wish to investigate me further (no one wants to).  I want the weather to speak for me; starting pouring when I want to and start thundering when I want to scream, but, I do not control the Earth and she does not control me. I'd like to think I am related to Pluto because I have been forgotten and downgraded from my own species of human life. In a hopeful haze of waiting. Waiting for my petals to finally bloom and the right person to come along and pluck me out the ground just to see what's up. For now on though, I am dry grass. I'm only used to be set on fire for your own personal warmth.

life is an elevator going up sometimes

with the occasional person who pushes all of the buttons

soon it's a never ending ride

of ups and downs

I love taking a photo
Or a video.
It's fascinating because
It's like you'll never die;
Your soul will live on
Forever and ever
In that specific moment
And others will
Remember that time
And reminisce.
You'll be alive in people's
Thoughts, conversations,
In their mind.
So truly
You can keep on living
Even after you've died.