She is long gone,
Didn't you see,
See the way she looked at the ground,
The way she always frowned,
She is long gone,
Didn't you see,
Where her wrist look like bars,
Where her thighs look like a picture,
Where her sides look like a war,
She is long gone,
Didn't you see,
The way she cried herself to sleep,
The way she did a fake smile,
Then glance at the ground,
Didn't you see,
She is long gone,
Didn't you see the way she begs for help,
Didn't you care?
Well you didn't see soon enough,
Because She is long gone,
And as in she I mean *me

Sitting here,
Here alone,
Alone crying,
Crying my eyes out,
My eyes out because i'm loosing,
Loosing Myself,
Myself because i'm lost,
Lost because you are gone,
You are gone because you had to go,
You had to go, but now,
Now I want to go too,
To go with you,
With you, So tell me,
Tell me my sides,
My side, my thighs,
My thighs, my wrist,
My wrist will that,
Will that end it,
End it to where I can,
I can go with you,
With you up there,
So tell me?

The painkillers in my pocket rattle
with each step
toward the unreachable moon
in strange harmony
with the untainted snow
crunching
beneath my feet.

Two or three
aren't enough to numb me
anymore,
no longer enough
to shut my brain off
for a little bit...
to quiet these thoughts
that stalk me
and whisper
how no one would find me
if I just lay here
on this nameless road
with a mouth full of pills,
face to the stars,
and die in the arms
of a snow angel
who'll carry me away to a heaven
I only believe in when I'm high.

I squeeze the bottle in my pocket
almost to the point of crushing it
as I turn away from the wind
and look back at the light of
my grandpa's cottage
drawing my attention
away from my midnight daydream
and the moon
that hangs like a sliver bullet
stained with the blood of monsters
from my mind.

How many times
have I walked this path high
praying to God's gleaming eye
for death,
as it winks slowly
with darkness
as if indicating something
beyond my comprehension...

All I know is
the cottage is warm
and I should go back.

don't die
we all need you
you are too good
it doesn't matter to us what you feel
we don't think
about you
nor do we care about it
don't give us despair
you are mad--full of craziness
we don't understand anything
but too good
your actions make us want to have you more
like an addiction
we do take your presence for-granted
we believe we have a right on you
you let us think this
so we do it
we don't see your tears
we don't feel your thoughts
it doesn't matter to us
i told you we are all indifferent
but i assure
we all need you
you bring us good
you do us good
you make us feel good
yet perhaps we are not able to do same
because we can't
if we will
we fear of losing you
who will we have for free?
such a good deal
who leaves!
We don't..so we don't bother
about you
for you
don't expect
are you listening me?
you can't die
you are too good
who will make us feel good
if you die?
don't think we will cry
our lives will still continue to go on
unlike you
who stops and cry for everyone
don't expect us
we are all indifferent.