there's too much light in this place.
i've got to close my eyes and remember.
sit with me a while and remember,
for remembrance is more important when
you have scars on the wrists of time,
on the wrists of your mind, and
everything inside of you is yearning.

tell me how you really feel
about me and i'll try to stop wishing for your love
if it isn't what i wanted to hear.
i promise.

i spent two hours crying because
i realized
everything i thought i had
**i didn't

i.
only kiss her outdoors,
where the sun will darken her pale skin and

light up her dark eyes like a candle
in a dark room

ii.
don't tell her your sins.
she will find them.

an angel always finds out about sins you can't even remember
committing. when she finds them, you will

remember and she will kiss your scars
before slitting her own skin begging you to lick the cut clean

iii.
put her on a vegan diet. then watch her
as the mango juices drip down her chin.

wipe them away with a gentle, careful, loving thumb.
watch as she licks the mango from it.

iv.
cuddle with her, innocently, in the gardens.
then hold her hand as she flies you

into the clouds.

i.
we could fit together like russian dolls. a perfect fit of two well painted figures. do you taste like autumn, bedtime and and perfection? do i smell like new books, lemon cakes or home? i could be the one who makes regret nothing and want everything.


come watch this with me:
              these shattered constellations
         in a navy sky.


ii.
the depths of endless oceans are not enough to drown my feelings. i feel like this could be what’s the end of me. i *** into infinity, the unknown, hope. my scarred and so imperfect skin could fold into your perfection. cool skin upon cool skin. a dreamstate of awakened eyes


i can hardly see.
                      this life is lived too blindly,
someone heal my sight.


iii.
daisy flowers uprooted from the soil, lights dimmed low, a pretty and sadly slow song is  playing in the background. it all feels so deeply personal. i hope my soul is transparent so that you can see into my intoxicatingly good intentions. i’ll always want to share your breath.


you’re inside of my veins
pumping through my blood like drugs
making me feel high

eventually your body and mind will cry
"no more."
and your heart
will listen

living in the gutter,
but we're longing for the stars
to make life a little brighter.
we can't forget.
there's something pretty
in the eyes of the ones we used
to love.
diamonds, ice, and we can't forget about those sparkling stars, baby.

/

don't forget you're out
in the open;
you can't just love like this.
there are certain things
you just can't deny
and the stars in your eyes
prove that you're
in love.
warm, pink roses hang from your cheeks like crackling ornaments.

/

i can feel your dreams.
flickering eyelids, your heart
ticking like a time-bomb.
like a clock even after time's run out
and all you can
really feel inside
is too much emotion too
much love.
you might just have an explosion in your chest - a supernova.

i wouldn't want to dress up as depression, angst, or sorrow
because then i'd match with everyone.

i know my feelings aren't significant,
no matter what my mother tells me, and i'm losing my words.

my eclectic mind is in a way
lost. lost, lost, lost, i'm so freaking lost but this repetition of confusion will do nothing to save me from myself.

my hair's all over the place. you say it doesn't make me look a mess. you say it makes me seem real. you say
nothing anymore.

this is thirst,
the force of which could **** innocent people. a drought of love can be dangerous.

soft sound.
a whisper into your satellite dish reminding you that you are deaf to beauty and blind to the love that's in front of you and always have been.

i sold my soul to tomorrow
and it told me i could fly.

i'm hoping i won't fall behind
i'm choking trying to swallow my pride
it's broken, along with my heart and my mind
not knowing whether its all going to be fine
i'm showing up on the borderline
flowing in between everything that's not mine

but i felt so at home in your arms.
like i could've lived lifetimes.
like all the worries that resided inside
of me
were simply thrown to the wind.

you're making me remember
what it's like
to not want to be alone

my heart bled, for it was lost before.
but i found
you
whilst trying find
myself again.
i convinced myself
it was the same.
it's what you do when you don't want to be alone.

oh, what fear?
oh, what fear.

i've built these walls around my heart,
trapped in my chest wanting to be free-
why don't you cut it out, babe?

too much hope, please don't say
we're growing further away
home is always
going to be with you to me.
will you share one more
moment with me?

oh, what fear?
oh, what fear.

it's been so long since i gave this heart away,
i'm unsure if i'm ready to face
the day
i accidentally give it up to you.

i think i'm breaking
but i can't find it in me
to care anymore

the gold flecks in her eyes
are so much like fire,

he doesn't remember what it felt like
to have my icy fingers on his spine.

the gold flecks in her eyes
burn so ******* bright,

he is forever blinded
to all displays of my affection.

my ice, my burning charcoal eyes,
my dark, dark, dark.

i needed his light,
i needed his warmth to melt my walls.

but he needed another fire,
to burn like hell,

and feel like heaven.
what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

and what he doesn't see is not there.

you make me happy
no one can see me
blush

i'm scraping dreams from my skin
with my fingernails.

dreams where you move down here.
where i'm your little spoon
and i'm in your tee shirt.

water beats down
and my skin is raw.

oh, silly little me.

i can't scrape away the pain
in my chest with fingernails

and red hot water.

I don't remember when I first started to fall in love with you. It might've started the first time we spoke but it's December now and I'm trying to forget.


You don't want to remember, but it's hard, you know. It's like all of the things we prayed for never came, and I try not to blame any one thing– I don't believe in that.


It's always a chain of things that causes an ending like ours.


Sometimes I close my eyes, shut them tight and pretend that things are the way they were in June, in September.


Cold weather drives me towards insanity. I'm closer to tears than before. The loss of warmth reminds me of everything else I lost. And since it's December now, I'm trying to forget. I'm trying!


I’m holding still, unsure if the snow that falls is a miracle or a warning sign. Either way I think it's as pretty as you were to me back then.


I'm still afraid of telling anyone you are the reason why I can't breathe. I can't sleep either because when I do I'm left to dream of the words you said to me when all was well.


All is no longer well.


I am forced to live a life forgery. Happy, happy, I am- not freaking happy with the way this mess of ours turned out. I'm still juggling the spheres of pain that collected like, I don't know, like the snow did? Like the snow did on my front lawn, it collects and everything seems so white and bright and I'm left blind in the empty spaces with no warmth. no love.


Will you show me how broken hearts beat when the world feels barren?


My thoughts are spilling.


My words aren't working, but I just wanted to love you.


Skinny love, maybe this won't be what I had wanted but I'll pretend to forget I ever loved you until the day I die. I mean, it's December now and I'm trying to forget.


Look. Look here, I'm just someone who wanted to love you. But it’s December now and I’m trying to forget.


Because, what else is their to do when the world is this cold?


Certainly not remember…

i just had the urge to stroke your face, wouldn't that be weird?
don't worry about looking good- you already got that covered.
awh, you're so cute!
i love you.
i appreciate you.
thanks for being a such a friend.

i hold my head up so i don’t drown in his horizons.
and i remember someone said i should try to expand mine.
i was in luck trying to do so when he was where i could find him.
and i remember he said that he’d hold my hand. and time,
folds in on itself
cold as if hell’s
fire’s burned out
i’m sure now

this isn’t love it’s too broken to be
and i’m not your drug like i was hoping i’d be
but i’ll move on eventually
lovers are supposed to set you free
but you don’t do that anymore
no, not anything like before

he says she's got freckles
in the shape
of the little dipper
on her back
and that looking at it
is like
gazing at a night sky
with the colours
inverted

am i still your vicodin or do you not do the same drugs anymore?

please
don't write
poetry about
me.

it never
ends
well.

sometimes i feel like my metaphors and similes are too pretentious. call me a liar and you wouldn't be wrong, but call me a fake and you'd miss the target all together.

i.
midnight drives on these long nights,
i leave the heat
low
in my car
so i can see my breath
in order to know
that i am still breathing- alive.

ii.
after the blankets
of white
come the blooms of brilliance
roots sunken under green.

this is the kind of feeling
that makes you
soar
over mountaintops
and trees
of green.

iii.
bare arms and
tank topped torsos
sweat dripping onto
each other as we
embrace.

words i say
emanating heat and
childlike perfection
chalk marked sidewalks.

bright eyed, i say yes.

iv.
colours.
orange, yellow, red.

the trees
are on fire-
it's that time
of the year.

the trees are on fire,
but
cool air
is
holding desperately
on to
my space.

v.
maybe your heat could melt my icy skin. condensation dripping from your finger tips. i'm holding on to this, this moment. my life isn't in several shades of watercolour blue hues, but in vibrant shades of yellow. mustard is the one shade that's screaming whispers and lighting matches.

at night still wish for someone to love me
the way i've always wanted to deserve.

god blue. why do you have to be so stupid?

i've got words of ice and
i can't get rid of my vices
but everything is turning yellow,
so maybe i can make it to tomorrow.

either way you're going to die to soon
from the cancer
or from the sadness that's eating through your soul.
both are coursing through you
and you say
you'll be fine fine fine fine fine

i'm not fine

my mouth of fable could collide with yours-
myth, fairytale, and folklore.
what am i even reading you for?
tales are caught on your tongue with no spoilers.

and we could never be found,
or we could be bound
for happily ever after.
i really prefer the latter.

just don’t hesitate
because it’s wrong to wait
for saving.
please don’t hesitate
because the devil’s bait
is in waiting.

with my eyes of disguises, i could be your muse,
in different shades of greens and blues.
painted on the canvas ’til your amused.
until the images on my tongue are all gone and used.

and we could sit still and cry,
or dance because i wouldn’t mind.
i’m dreaming of whatever
it means to be together.

just don’t hesitate
because it’s wrong to wait
for saving.
please don’t hesitate
because the devil’s bait
is in waiting.

i’m stacking metaphors and similes
not telling you, because if you see
that i’m close to breaking
and my soul’s rearranging
into comets and galaxies
you might just leave me.
so i tell my self to wake up
that i can’t speed the pace up.
i can only hope you won’t forget me
because i could love you if you’d let me.

and we could cuddle kiss,
stare at the sky, sharing a wish.
you ask me what’s the matter
i smile saying it doesn’t matter.

just don’t hesitate
because it’s wrong to wait
for saving.
please don’t hesitate
because the devil’s bait
is in waiting.

i'm just walking on concrete,
while you're walking on water;
even though you're not jesus,
even though you can't see this
love inside of my eyes.
what a surprise.
what a surprise.