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helia Jul 29
my body is leaden
with the weight of my sins
heavy and burdensome

a persistent reminder
of wrongs long past and yet are
impossible to atone

looming overhead like rain clouds
full to bursting with painful thoughts
brimming with more tears to be shed

perhaps it does not linger so much
above as it does below our feet
like black sticky tar or deep quick sand

every step forward is taken in vain
serving only to drain us completely
of what hope we might have possessed
so it was. so it shall always be.

july 30, 2020.
helia May 12
to you, I am a fine wine
sweet, silky, at times aggressive
housed in glass, i'm delicate
to be enjoyed on occasion

by my neck, I wish you'd grab
hold me roughly without a care
take all of me selfishly
until nary a drop is left

for you are water to me
cool, calm, and most refreshing
constantly i thirst for you
to drown me in waves of pleasure

i kneel at the water's edge
wishing to see that calmness break
to feel the ripples of want
overtake and overwhelm me
take me, drink me
may 1, 2020
helia May 11
My gaze does not land on your figure
Unwittingly or by chance
It is drawn in, inexplicably
By your arresting presence

It awakens an aching hunger
Deep-seated and desperate
Which consumes me entirely
Until I am slave to it

I yearn for you unabashedly
For your entire being
A fervent desire so profound
For you I would mortally sin

Just look and I'll be at your mercy
One word and I'm on my knees
If anything is certain tonight
It will be me begging "please"
Look at you.
Look at me.
May 1, 2020.
helia Nov 2019
you make me want to **** myself
and it shouldn't be so
you who make me so happy
make me want to go

though the sadness that i feel
is not equal in measure
i cannot deny
that those feelings are real

i can't jump out the window
i can't set myself on fire
i can barely speak my mind
where am i to go
it doesn't make sense.
it doesn't matter.
july 2019.
helia Jun 2019
to speak while one is maddened
is driving whilst blindfolded
you do know what you're doing
yet at the same time, you don't

the anger and frustration
is a deep and heavy fog
that envelops all your sense
and whisks it away from you

your hands grip the steering wheel
and your foot steps on the gas
you don't know where you're going
you just know you have to drive

while you know that it's reckless
it simply cannot be helped
you're blinded by a purpose
that you know isn't worth it

the breaks are all but broken
and there's nowhere left to turn
the journey will have to end
at your point or another

you can't see the aftermath
but sorely, you can feel it
like watching a tidal wave
when it crashes, so will you
a one-way road where you can't turn back.
june 10, 2019.
helia May 2019
you
you are the gentle sunshine
the million little dust motes
that drift in through my window
in the wee hours of morning

you are the fluffy white clouds
that appear in the heavens
like an old friend popping in
joyfully, out of the blue

you are the bold brilliant moon
the endless amount of stars
in the night sky as I stroll
and think of our adventures

you are the cold winter wind
that lightly caress my cheeks
when I retreat to my bed
revelling in thoughts of us
you are my sunshine.
you are my everything.

may 26, 2019.
helia Jan 2019
Of age old lighters
All vast and sundry
These are what make up
My father's hobby

Stuffed into his desk
Were such novelties
He could have boasted
Twas as large as he

Regular raven
With his jewelries
His full collection
I never did see

Only when he passed
Did I lay my eyes
On all the treasures
That drawer did hide

Every size and shape
Of lighter there is
I guarantee you
There was one of his

So much like his gauds
His wondrous person
Never came to light
Til he had passed on
a throwback.
2017.
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