There is a bitter line
That runs through the generations
Of women in my family

This bitter line runs across their faces
From one cheekbone to the other
Where their smiles used to be

From years of knock downs and
knock outs
Of life winning
And love losing

Strong women, With beautiful features
Hard battles fought,  won,  lost
Reduced to a bitter line

My line stays and dissipates
I pray my bitter line this time won't stay long
Because of you

life shot me into a direction i wasn't expecting
i grew up wearing dresses, and bows in my hair
but never felt at home in my own skin

i got older, and started hanging out with the boys in my neighborhood
and i realized i was much more like them than my sisters

i didn't feel "pretty"
i felt tough
and rough
and like i just wanted to be somebody else

high school hit, and by this time
i was no longer Heather
i was Trent

and for the first time in my life
i felt like i was me

my mom cried so much
saying "i'm going to miss my little girl so much, but now i finally have a son. i love you"

my dad, on the other hand, he took it differently

he said if i was a boy then that meant he could kick my *** when i had done something wrong

and he did

i never felt like he loved me
even when i was his little girl

i wasn't pretty like my sisters

i was never meant to be that girl i grew up being

nowadays i just can't keep a woman
they say the *** isn't important, but i know it is

and i'm starting to wonder
if i should just be on my own

My fingers reached for the tip.
As my lips hugged it,
You were at the back of my mind
Then I inhaled to the fullest.
I held every cloud as long as I could
So at the back you'd linger
Never to bother what's ahead.
Until I was at the brink of suffocating,
Until I needed to breathe,
I had to exhale and knew, as I wanted,
To let go every memory of you.
But as I did, I had no intention
Of letting a part of me drift with you.
I was able to smoke you out
With red droplets of me
Sinking through the earth.