i can't even sweat without you
& my hot little bedroom
smells of you
i can't light a candle
without thinking of you
asking me if that's a candle
or a coffee cup...
(i PROMISE i'm worthy)
please my
love
just let me
take care of
you.

& if you
never saw me
lying on the floor
again...?

what if i told you
i love you
while i was sleeping?

hurry up and get here
fill my doorframe
with your big frame
and i'll jump up with a little squeal
to let you fill me

shhh...
     just...
        be...
           with...
               me...
*[i've never heard
        anything
              so beautiful]

i gave my love so freely
& so often
to such
*******.
so that now i feel like i have nothing to offer a good man.
a good ******* man.
who maybe loves me too.
(maybe...)
its too much to even breathe life into such a thought
(i'm so in love with you)
i don't understand you yet
but honey
i want to love
everything
about
you...

i met him.
[the devil.]
i danced with him.
he's a good dancer.

so i'm sitting here
smoking of course
&i;'m curling up, holding my knees
&all; i can think
is holding back my legs
so you can **** me deeper

he growls
low & deep
in my ear
sweaty face tangled in my sweaty hair
"this is intimate"
a rumble with a giant hand squeezing my throat
"this you can not do with just anyone...'
& since i can barely breathe
i just look at him
a look that can only mean
yesbabypleasemore
i am
yours
to
hurt.

tonight
is getting closer
i can almost taste you
in the air
every time...
i discover
you
a little bit more...
you ******* scare me
& light me on fire
[all the best ones do]
...those words fall from me
like an easy, familiar panic
like my body has been waiting for yours
for seven hundred ******* years
instead of just
seven days.

when i see your name pop up on my phone
earth. stops.
i saw it today
from a ******* mile away
& if i'm being honest with you,
because i know you like it -
the thought
of you
thinking of me
reaching out to touch me
makes me *******
drip
with a heavy
need
for
you

i think i feel every single tiny
earthquake
in my big bed
alone
[which i love]
because inside
i am always
quaking.

when i wake up in the morning
and slowly
little bits of life start to
come back to me

you're one of the first things i think of
there you are
as soon as i wake up

it makes my silly little heart
flutter.

sometimes you talk such ***** **** that even a seasoned pro in ***** talk
(such as myself)
is left with nothing more than a giggle
a sharp intake of breath
and a swimming head like I just drank a bottle of champagne
sometimes your words
make me rage with need and hunger
even more than your body does
sometimes I lean against my kitchen counter
that you ****** me against
when we forgot to make it to my big soft bed
and listen to you tell me
how you want to hurt me
come closer baby
bite me until you really taste me
leave my lips swollen and red
leave my hips bruised and aching
I want to see little constellations in my flesh
from
you

i don't know why i try to fight you
there's just so much of you
you're so big
and i'm so small
so i fight
and squirm
and scream
and scratch
you whisper
"shh...
look at me.."
[and nothing has ever sounded so dripping in heat]
and i can't fight you anymore
just sweetly surrender
and let you overpower me
just the way you like
[just the way i like]
command me
and i
will
obey

you fit me so good...
what happens if i lose you?
and if i keep you?

i'm going to put on the same pants you slid off of me
and melt inside a little.
getting ready for work never felt so ****.

i miss falling away from your big sweaty body
exhilarated and hot and tired and messy
tears in my eyes
makeup all over
my face
your pillows
i miss you growling in my ear and holding me close to you
tightly enough to hurt me'
just
how
i like
to be
hurt
...
you make my breath leave my body
in so many beautiful ways

you sigh when you're tired and we're talking on the phone
the same way you sigh when you're behind me
and your huge arms are around my neck
and i have to lie down on the linoleum floor to smoke
so that my knees don't give out

you make me wet
without even
having
to
touch
me

i can feel myself
falling
so crazy
in love
you.
must....
be it for me.
[my heart pounds as i type that.]
i want everything
you are
and i feel like i have always wanted you.
somewhere
in the very core of who i am
i've always wanted you.