Your lips were a pinch of color smeared on a blank canvas
And I wanted nothing but to find the exact hue.
I clung to you like the know is clinging to the branches,
But I'll melt away eventually.
Your voice was like the melancholy tone of my old guitar,
I adored the sound but I always wanted more.

You and I, we are like cups of water.
People drink us when they need to feel clean,
They drink us when they need to feel satisfied.
They use us in recipes and to cleanse their bodies.
But never are we their favorite drink.
You are the water to my body.
You make up 75% of me.

The sun has hidden behind the clouds again
and I am questioning myself more than I ever have.
Who am I
Why am I here
Why is right now my time to be alive?
People come and go and I don't know why
Do they see through my exterior?
Do they know how torn apart I am
On the inside?

I can't help him when I can't even help myself anymore
Because days have turned into months and I'm just dying to crawl
Out of my skin and out of this world
it's full of sadness and carelessness and misery and doubt
And I had you back for a moment and now you're walking back out
And I can't keep apologizing for stupid little things
And giving people advice when all I need is an embrace
To let me know I am human and that it will all be okay
But I'm sinking in sorrow and the snow just keeps falling
And I can't help but wonder what would happen if I laid down on the ground
And let this white blanket consume me
Would I die and be reborn or
Become absolutely nothing

And I remember the places I saw when I was a child
The dark basements I explored with the cans on the counters
And the dust particles floating around that I thought were little world's within themselves.
I remember the smell of my mother's perfume and how it gave me instant comfort and the way I could make up stories in my head and replay them until I fell asleep.
I remember falling asleep was something I dreaded because I wanted to see it all.
I wanted to build world's with pieces of plastic and touch the faces of my parents and look at cans on counters and wonder how they got there.
I remember the car rides and I'd sit in the backseat and never question the destination or the dangers ahead of me.
I remember having absolutely no anxiety.
I remember visiting my aunt and not questioning her bizarre, compulsive tendencies.
I remember feeling happy and free.
And now I run away from dark basements because I can smell the mold and the dust floating around makes me nauseous.
I am scared of my future and make sure to find out every destination.
I'm aware of too much and too oblivious to care.
I was always a sick, miserable kid I guess I just was never aware.

You are the relentless force crushing and bearing down on my fragile shoulders
You are the shivering that remains long after being outside in the cold
You are the sweat that gets in your eyes after pleading that the room would just cool down for a moment
You are the dollar missing from my wallet when I go to order a coffee at the local cafe
You are the lost hours of sleeping catching up with me as I wake up each morning
You are the plague that haunts my mind
You are the shroud over my eyes, preventing me from seeing what I should
You are unnecessary
You are pointless
You are harmless
You keep me up at night
You make me dread being awake
You are crippling
You are me

I have learned that the earth is a beautiful place.
It is full of mystery, color, uniqueness, and vivid, lush life.
I feel honored as an individual to experience this world with a human mind and capability of thinking.
I feel blessed to be a human and able to fully comprehend my thoughts,
And reflect my feelings upon others,
In order to hopefully influence them to appreciate this knowledge as well.
However, as much as I feel blessed,
I do also feel disgusted and upset,
That the human race as a whole is capable of so much destruction and violence.
A majority of us are sick minded, and not capable of experiencing love for anything but themselves.
We must look past this thought,
And appreciate.
As living beings we must only appreciate and love,
And then we will gain full happiness.
As humans we can feel beautiful emotions,
Sense beautiful sensations,
And think of masterful things.
We can feel with such a vivid capability and yet none of us take a moment to actually appreciate that.
Humanity is beautiful, if we make it.
Humanity is disgusting, if we make it.
All my life I have appreciated the world and the universe with such an intense power that I have forgotten to appreciate myself.
I am hoping with time that I will be able to see that I myself,
Am a beautiful world within this world,
And finally be happy.

Intoxicate my lungs,
My body,
and my soul.
I want to fall in love with a person,
And feel their touch on my skin,
So I may no longer feel
So **** cold.