you make me want to dance through my days. im looking for more than just a pretty smile, but i’d like to see it stay for awhile.
its a different feeling when i talk to you.
like meeting myself, relaxed and familiar so quick.
so hello stranger,
i look forward to seeing the stars together one night
my heart aches for something sweet,
but i know i’m not ready.
i’m realizing its okay to be alone.
i rush into things and burn them up.
i retching up kerosene
i first need to get rid of the matches in my mouth.
when the fire hazard in my chest is gone,
ill try again.
Life is about concequences.
everything you do has an opposite reaction or cause.
I have managed to block out so much of my own life and choices, I genuinely dont think I know who I am anymore..
I struggle with forgiveness.
Mainly forgiving myself for who I used to be.
How do you seek forgiveness for acts you committed against yourself?
I allowed myself to be less than, and Its broken me..
Its not about who i was.
Its about who i want to be
nothing is making sense at the moment.
i know two things
I. i miss you.
why? i know but i cant find the words to properly explain.
when? when did it start?
did it ever stop?
II. you were the first person I ever loved.
but we keep pulling back together
a gut feeling
the rest is a mystery.
really hoping its not just because of the old history
i hope you dont have the link to my writing anymore
my mom always told me when your nose itches someones thinking about you. same when you cant sleep.
whose daydreams am i wandering through?
im thinking about you too.
i reread old poems
oddly enough i see you
maybe i was writing to you all along?
I dont care about certain things anymore.
Am I growing up?
Maybe I'm just closing off.
When a person is dying the deemed less important organs shut down first. Last being heart and lungs, our heart strings singing their parting song.
Tell me, what is worse, unexpected tragedy or seeing the cliff and marching toward it anyways. Pretending I have a relation to our dear Icarus. I walk towards the pit, leaving a trail of feathers and candle wax...
I do want to come out of this.
I can come out of this.
Happiness is achievable-- but not if I keep pulling back.
I want nothing to do with anyone. I dont even want anyone to know my real name.
To be seen and discarded but yet worshipped.
But all I have is this grave indifference.
I refuse to bury myself.