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Jun 2021 · 192
Untitled
halle Jun 2021
i dream in bright flashes
of blue and green and hazel
never, ever brown
until the sunday
( the holiest day )
that i looked into your eyes
and saw a galaxy in which i died to drown
Jan 2021 · 56
who are you now?
halle Jan 2021
i just find it funny
that two days ago — you didn't have any friends
but now that i've got one foot out the door,
i'm suddenly your best friend?
how does that make sense?
how should that make sense?

i don't suddenly matter to you,
you're just afraid of being lonely.
welcome to my world, and if
you're anything like me —
you'll get used to it.
Jan 2021 · 223
alone
halle Jan 2021
please oh my god
tell me you hate me
i want you to hate me
if it'll get you to feel
something at all
Nov 2020 · 54
gatsby.
halle Nov 2020
“you can’t recreate the past,” is what nick told gatsby with a sincere look.
gatsby only rolled his eyes, which should have given away the ending of the book.
in fiction, more often than not, the ones who break the rules get punished.
my life, albeit nonfiction, followed this rule to the syllable.
it might have been my party, but i was not the one to run it.

it’s sometimes easy to see the world in that sort of way.
rose-colored nostalgia paints red skies out of the ones of gray.
although red is danger, red is violent and red is fear —
i’d gladly take that and replace the monochromatic world you escaped when you left me standing here.

you were scared, and you ran off with the first easy way out you could find.
saw the black photos of you dressed in white and it made my throat clench because
in all actuality, the fault is all mine.
people like you never want to work for what’s good.
you can party, sway and sing all night but you crawl out while being chased by the orange-yellow-redness of the crack of dawn

green always was your favorite,
but now, is it brown?
(she’s a beautiful girl, but she has no business running away with angels).
i bet being with her is easier, less painful but it can’t turn your word upside down.
(not the same way that i did. god, do you even remember? were we ever that young and innocent?).

you were.
i never was.
i try to ignore the irony,
but i still think of you and my mind gets filled with a fuzz.

you were born to run and never look back, but you curse those that you enchant.

i know it’s no way to live, and that i shouldn’t cry in the darkness of the night anymore.
i’ve got all the world in the palm of my hand, but if you looked back just once, i’d throw it out to sea
like it was a rock i found on the shore.

i’ll be sure to throw better parties, inviting my real friends instead of the likes of you.
i don’t want to be so punch-drunk that i miss the one thing i have waited around for — i’ve taken those rose-colored glasses off, too.

i deleted your number from my phone,
although i know you weren’t going to call
tell me, july princess, do you remember
the nights when we had it all?
we sat on the couch, love in our lungs
and tried to write each other’s futures
in promises, parties and sparklers?
i’m trying to accept that it’s gone
and all the promises now empty
i know why you left and when you did,
for empty is how you left me
but i lived a good life without you before
so i will pick myself up from off the blood-stained floor

now i listen to happy songs
and know i’m better off without
our love should have been your temple
and you should have been more devout
you told me you got rid of my poems
and dear, it made me laugh.
there are millions more where that came from
each one better than the last.
you’re gone — you don’t have to tell me
so am i — no need to sell me
the color of your eyes used to be my favorite shade of blue
but now i see the sky, the water, the waves all like they’re brand new
I hope you don’t do what you did to me, to her
then again, she stood by idly, without a single word
so good bye, sweet love, my summer sunshine girl
our love was once gold, but nothing gold can stay and i’m reclaiming my world
Nov 2020 · 58
temporary
halle Nov 2020
waves crashing,
wind blowing

everything comes and it goes just as quickly
you never own anything in this world,

you borrow it, really
Nov 2020 · 119
breakaway
halle Nov 2020
i look at him and i know

why evil men lock

beautiful creatures up

to hide them from

the world's wandering eye

one day, he will leave

whether i like it or not


( i do not ),


nothing against him,

but that's what they all do

don't they?
Nov 2020 · 41
isolation
halle Nov 2020
i wanna move out to the middle of scenic nowhere to feel fresh air
and be 20 miles away from everywhere

to see who cares to see me, to see who does
and grow my hair long and mousy brown
just because
halle Aug 2020
I cut my hair and
Started singing the blues
My heart can’t go on without you
Because it won’t know what to do
Aug 2020 · 74
get low
halle Aug 2020
you can't catch shooting stars on the tip of your tongue.
he'd tried and tried
and failed and failed.

he couldn't help it
( and could you blame him? )

he'd fallen in love with the february snow
and the august heat, but now his tongue was burnt and his eyes were filled with tears.

he knew it's dangerous to love something that falls that fast.
Aug 2020 · 91
yes you do
halle Aug 2020
i used to be afraid of happiness.
all good things come to an end, don't they?

not always.

it took 20 years to get that through a thick skull l.
fortunately, i don't care.

i am happy.
happiness is not a punishable offense. they cannot throw me in jail because of this smile

if they could, they would lock me up and throw away the key.
Aug 2020 · 166
there's no place like it
halle Aug 2020
i am from pastel purple easter eggs,
princess dresses covered in glitter
— the kind that gets itself everywhere, all over the floor as i spin around and around while singing along to the jonas brothers at the top of my lungs.

i am from that little yellow house on morningwood ( the only one with the triangle roof ) that we would leave to go to disney world, kentucky, georgia, the moon
— anywhere mom wanted.

i am from nana's spaghetti, splattered all over the offwhite velvet dress i got that christmas morning as i watch any and every disney movie while sat on my belly in front of the tv.

i am from crying at fireworks; the sound not the sight. running after butterfies in the backyard as the sun dips deeper in the suburban sky.

i am from the seemingly little things that some might consider childish. sure, they are, but these memories fill me with happiness.

dorothy was right. there is no place like home.
May 2020 · 83
may 07.
halle May 2020
better me than him.
why can't it be me instead of him?
he's never dreamt of half the mistakes i've made.
he is nothing but sugar sweetness and the cleanest purity.

no one who can and should is helping and they know that i will remember this. they best know that my closet is full of bones and hatchets unburied.
god as my witness, they will hear my screams of mourning.

mother would rather consult the computer and all the doctors are after a dollar.
can't they step back and realize he's in pain?
do they not know that a pure heart is bleeding out and the only one who cares enough to try and stop it is me?

if i could take on his pain, i would have done it yesterday when he arrived -- for then, he wouldn't know pain, know loss, know fear.
those words need not be in his vocabulary, those feelings need not be in his heart.
i would take it off his tiny shoulders.

angels aren't ours to keep, but god, could i have at least gotten 48 hours of his time before heaven reached down to reclaim him?
i knew he was heaven sent the moment i saw him.
no matter how it ends, i am thankful to have looked a heavenly being in the eyes, but i wanted to see his soul before it went back home.

why, why, why?
halle May 2020
but now it doesn't matter
cause it only hurts me
and out of 7 billion
i'm who no one wants to see
May 2020 · 63
so you, so now
halle May 2020
so now i suppose i'll have to act like
i don't know you, we didn't come so close
and who knows?
maybe we never were. me not being
there didn't **** you like
it killed me.

so you just make yourself comfortable
down the lane of my memory
i'll visit you often
and see where oh where it gets me
halle May 2020
i'm gasping for air
i'll never get
maybe if you'd miss me you would care.

who am i kidding?

i've been trying to get you to see me
for years beyond years,
but here i am with the sunlight pooling through
and you don't look at me

you never do.
May 2020 · 87
tired.
halle May 2020
anyone can speak at me
anyway they want

"you're too this,"
"you're too that."

all they ever do is taunt

when i stand up for myself
— a fault, apparently —
their jaws drop and their eyes pop

"why are you yelling at me?"

sorry that i have feelings
sorry that i have pride
sorry that i have to be
the only one on my own side

sorry i don't want to be belittled

sorry i can't be berated

sorry that you call this love

when all i feel is hated
Dec 2019 · 108
missing in action
halle Dec 2019
how dare you leave me this way

vacated and

empty and begging

for you to stay


i'm not sure what to think, do, or say

this is one of those things

that changes

in an odd

and particularly

challenging way
Dec 2019 · 244
the one you remember
halle Dec 2019
do i still love you?

maybe i never stopped

because on the list of those i miss

you were always at the top
Dec 2019 · 243
untitled
halle Dec 2019
every time i open my mouth

someone makes me feel small

if my feelings aren't valid

why should i even speak at all?
May 2019 · 248
get the code
halle May 2019
the way i love you is like an atomic bomb.
dangerous and overpowering
-- absolutely nuclear.
when it drops, it's undeniable and
the mushroom cloud thereafter blocks your lungs,
making it hard to breathe.
Oct 2018 · 207
perpetually damned
halle Oct 2018
she tells me to **** it up like a sponge

shut my eyes tight and bite on my tongue

i can't help but feel like the kiss of death

one day i'll look around to find nothing left

everything i touch turns to dust

dirt, grime, nothingness, and rust
Sep 2018 · 160
oh wow!
halle Sep 2018
always chasing shadows

don't know where you'll go

will this ship sink or stay afloat?

we don't know, we can't know



but please remember this

that everyone gets one wish

ultimate bliss

you're always going to be on my list



i live in your brown eyes, die in your smile

everything you do makes this all worthwhile

i would travel a million miles

got me caught up in the pile
Sep 2018 · 394
forget me (not)
halle Sep 2018
i've been drained of any and all emotions

i hope you have the good fortune
of making new friends wherever you
go after this place.

i hope your heart is always filled
with love
instead of empty, aching pain.

i hope you meet someone sweet
who laughs at all your jokes.
these upon these
are my sincerest hopes.

i hope they captivate your thoughts
and cause you to forget all about me.
i hope you can move on

because i know i won't be as lucky.
Aug 2018 · 131
playing tag with the stars
halle Aug 2018
my heart sunk to

the pit of my chest


"oh silly, silly girl

don't you know

boys like that

are boys that

girls like you

never get?"
halle Aug 2018
he shot her and left her to die,

her blood the color of summer's roses

dripping down the ***** cement


no one wondered what the last thing

that ran through her mind was


they all could tell by the way she cried out

"the least he could have done was **** me quick."


she learned that day that

a lover dies a thousand times

the hardest possible way
Aug 2018 · 244
the city
halle Aug 2018
"i wouldn't do that for someone who is just a friend."
you are right
we are not just friends
i suspect we were for a short period of time

but then the tsunami came and completely washed out our entire foundation built on friendship

i built you a city of love — unrequited, i've come to find; with a love song on each corner, one of your many many virtues etched in my mind

all in vain, all in vain it was — for i knew you were taken and had been for quite some time; still i chased after you, i admit the fault was mine

my confession crumbled the buildings, collapsing the marble and the stone all around

my city of love became a town

yet still i loved, so deeply and so true, trying to convince myself that i had a shot with the incredible, inevitable you

it ended the way it began — you ran and you ran and you ran
i watched you go, your words echoing in my head

you are correct
we are not just friends
you are a coward
i am a fool

and this is the end
Aug 2018 · 173
bewitching and beautiful
halle Aug 2018
What do you do when every heartbeat is a thunderstorm?

How terribly strange to be seventeen.
At seventeen, your eyes open to the
Dastardly wicked world we live in.

At seventeen, you can't help but feel outcast
-- an outsider in the adult in crowd.
Innocence is an abstract concept,
for how can you be innocent when you
cannot have purity without corruption?

The world keeps spinning, lives are
created and destroyed. We are all disposable
and -- while some argue that trying to be a
permanent entity in a constantly evolving
universe is asinine -- we crash, burn,
and recreate ourselves.

At certain times, you want it to never end.
You just want to keep going and going in infinitum.
There are so many things to try
and places to see
and sunbeams to feel that 87 years
(if you're one of the lucky ones)
seems like 87 seconds.

As humans, we are questions without answers.
Some desperately seek out the one thing
that will solve their problem.

Others are fine without their answer.
They are too afraid to find out what is after the light.

Me?
I hope it's bewitching and beautiful.
Jul 2018 · 200
just friends
halle Jul 2018
i had a dream about you the night before last

it was so bright and vivid; almost like from the past

only except you love love loved me -- you told me so

the sun was smiling down on us and i never wanted to let you go


dreams can't be real can they? no of course not


in reality i'm standing here and trying to give this my best shot

i'll remember you after the end

the way your eyes glistened in the sun

and how you only wanted to be friends
Jul 2018 · 123
six seconds
halle Jul 2018
they say fools fall quickly

well they must have never seen you

they say it's love after six months

i knew after six seconds
halle Jul 2018
I wish I wasn't alone.

I wish I didn't get belittled. I wish my family ******* cared about me at times when they didn't have to. I wish I wasn't drowning and yelling, only to be the only one able to hear me. I wish I didn't hate everything including but except myself.  

I wish I wasn't stranded here with nothing but these vacant wishes that will never ever cone true in this or any other lifetime.
May 2018 · 8.3k
liquid sunlight
halle May 2018
in text books, they'll tell you that
the human heart is a real wonder.
you don't have to remember someone
to remember how they made you feel.

however, i think that was written
by people who don't know what it's
like to lose the sunlight,
having it drip through your hands.

it's sweltering, sticky and sweet
like honey. but it packs a sour punch afterwards.
May 2018 · 197
before
halle May 2018
who do you think we were
before the end of time?

i'm sure the words fell flat
and the songs couldn't even rhyme?

your eyes were still brown, i know
and the days flowed into night --
but all else had changed,
nothing could ever seem right.

you're the only constant
in this hectic, mayday world
i just hope that its iron-clad grasp
on you will soon uncurl.
halle Apr 2018
i hope somebody new
breaks my heart soon
because god, am i sick and through
of writing sad poems all about you
Apr 2018 · 288
can they?
halle Apr 2018
i did it,
i finally got what i wanted

(or, what i told myself
time and time again
that i wanted
needed,
deserved,
— because you're right
i was afraid).

i've never been able to write anything
beautiful about you.
not when i was happy with you
at least.

i'm not sure why.
i don't have a clue,
but maybe it was the universe
giving me a sign.

you're wonderful --
a sweetheart, really and truly.
i never knew someone's eyes
could shine so effervescently blue,
and deep too.

but you weren't the one.
you couldn't have been.

i wish i didn't
mistake someone who
liked me
and would put up with me
singing out loud in the car
and sleeping all day
with the one.

you won't come back.
i know it this time.

you blocked me from your memory
completely and wholly
got rid of me.

(it was my idea;
i have to remind myself)

i'll send your things
and you'll send mine.
this wasn't supposed to be
a love story for all time.

just another failed relationship
like the last one, and the one before that.
i was too much,
you not enough,
complications arose,
and we fell flat.

you already have someone.
he's wonderful too.
i lose them all, push them away.
i wish i didn't,
nut i do.

can we go back to the
snowy night where the world changed?
you don't sound like you want to
well — things can't stay the same

can they?
Apr 2018 · 623
rose gold hatred
halle Apr 2018
and i wish i could slit my wrists and
write about you in the note
to tell the entire world about
the monster you are.
you wouldn't even be able
to argue because it would be
your word against a
dead girl's --
but you're not worth it.
god, you've never been worth it

i wish i could go back to the night where
i decided to settle for you
and knock some sense into myself
snakes shouldn't lie with
doves. they swallow them whole.
i know that now
i wish i knew it then

i'm done thinking about you
in waves of cuddly, familiar nostalgia
i'm done thinking about you
and wishing i could go back
i never want to go back
it wasn't cuddly when you pushed me
into the corner and slapped me across
the face like
you were my mother
(familiar, but not cuddly --
you stopped being cuddly
when you realized i would
fight back)

you're funny because you love
to throw the blame and shame
at me for starting fights
when i never notice
you come around unless
i say something incriminating
you're absent unless you're
defending yoruself
Apr 2018 · 254
afraid to fly
halle Apr 2018
i read somewhere that
certain people have trouble
ending things

i have the opposite problem.
i can't begin them.
Mar 2018 · 295
wonderland
halle Mar 2018
into the smoke-filled haze we fell.

down and down; faster and faster. the darkness encapsulated us and for a split second, i thought i had lost him forever. visions of a life lost and confused flashed before my eyes and my fear multiplied tenfold.

then, a hand reached out and grabbed my forearm. as that was happening, we were nearing the ground. excitement and relief rushed over me at the realization that i wasn't alone in all of this. the stars collided, galaxies burst and we were the blackest hole in the universe.

we were almost infinite.

and then we crashed
halle Mar 2018
i am the moon's soft daughter
and she can't tell me lies
although she is everchanging
all the time, in the skies

i'll follow her 'til forever
until my heart explodes
but they tell me she is leaving
mother, please don't go
Feb 2018 · 242
flicker and flames
halle Feb 2018
but she who cools off so quickly
can never see the light
of you, my ever-burning desire,
god, you shine so bright
halle Feb 2018
i tell you by the morning light
it'll all be alright
you'll be just fine, my starlight
but perhaps not tonight

i've got a lust for the stars
and the people who've found me
together, they're always there
and they never look down on me
halle Feb 2018
it hits me like a train, the realization
that you're my hazy summer, but this is a flirtation

and i'd light myself on fire
just to see your face aglow
i'd climb up every mountain
just to kiss you in the snow

an unrelenting joy that rushes through my veins
when you're beside me, things hardly stay the same

i've been told that this cannot be healthy
this cannot be true love
but 'i don't care,' i say
what else could i make broken hearts out of?
Feb 2018 · 224
rewind
halle Feb 2018
i would give you a million chances
only to break my heart
thinking i could change the end
if i only changed the start
Feb 2018 · 176
on the wall
halle Feb 2018
my feelings aren't a mirror
not of you, at least.
you're always so happy sunshine
while i'm a jagged beast.

you will forget me someday
and it will be just fine.
the world will still turn
the sun will always shine.

you're with you forever,
i was just a flash.
my disconnected lifestyle
doesn't allow things just to last.

i can say i am afraid,
(and this would be the truth)
there's more to it, however --
i've gone too late, not too soon.
Feb 2018 · 212
sunshine, starshine
halle Feb 2018
you're a galaxy personified
i know what i mean.
you're trying to make it all work
your mind is like a dream.

one of the dreams that turns
to nightmares,
because it makes you want to ignore
the fact that i can be here and there.

(i swear. i'll be good.
i say it a million times,
but i mean it --
it just gets lost in the rhymes).

i'll be standing on the sidelines,
pom poms in my hand
you're making me so proud
i could maybe do a handstand.

a window and door will open
and you'll walk inside,
just like your light, my love,
you'll be enveloped by the sunshine.

— The End —