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What is happiness?Happiness is a short lived moment in her life. Sadness or darkness will always be there to stay forever. Bad energies, stress, unbalanced emotions are what she knows and will know forever. Her sun is always hidden. Where is she even going in life?She asks, hoping the maker will respond.
This is where battle cry by Sia & Angel Haze would start playing.
“If you don’t feel like you’ve been stabbed in the chest every time you write poetry, you’re not doing it right. Because the part of you that’s hurting needs to bleed, needs to die. That’s how a poem is born.”
#verbalreigns
 Jun 2015 lost in my mind
Nicole
To crave such exploration from desires deep within,
has led to lessons, heartache, love, regrets, and pleasured sin.
But through my brave intrusiveness, a storm began to brew,
the thrill of yearning wanderlust had led me straight to you.
© Nicole ***
And I want to tell her that I understand
what it feels like to be fake, insignificant,
and a shadow on the sidewalk of society.

And I want to tell her that I also borrow
the experiences of others --
that I, too, learn feelings
by stopping and staring at personal wreckage,
like a tourist of emotions,
like an inevitable wish of a human being.
Your life is a constant fight
I sense it all around you
Day and night
Your anger flys through windows
Your curiosity is what causes my insecurities
A troubled soul
Letting trouble take its toll
Yet some how you stole my heart
I've tried a lot of things
I've prayed a lot of times
But I'm still terrified of the needle that pierces my veins

Cried and cried
Shut my eyes
Clench my fists
A pain that never seems to quit

Helpful act
Leaving nothing but a dimple
In my brain though, it's not so simple

No child
But I remember
When I was a child
Over and over
Needle after needle
Again and again
Sickness with no end

Stuck with a fear
Bred inside my head
A fight I cannot fight
A threat I will always detect

No neglect
Just a kid who hid the hounding
Behind a sickness with no end
When I was in 1st grade I was bullied a lot and had a lot of fear while at school so I would make myself sick and go home pretty often. Because no one knew I started having tests done at the hospital which involved a lot of needles.
Fight after fight
Testosterone and rebellion
Then a few hours of peaceful, play-pretend
But I know things
Things you don't know I know
You wait til late to begin again
You see, our wall is paper thin

2 am
You say it's a hunting game
Although I see she's your aim

Boy, you're worth so much more
Yet you've stooped down several levels
Don't listen to the devils

3am
She's not just a friend
I'm waiting to hear you say
"Thee end"

Young man, you've started  digging where I already dug a tunnel
And once it starts caving
There's no way to funnel the regret

4am
don't pick the floor
Your choices they've been so poor

Bud, you've got a huge life ahead of you
This path could ruin it
Don't let her pull you with a bit

I don't want to see you fall to pieces in a heap
Don't cash yourself as cheap
Little brother
Please, get some sleep
The door
The floor
Hush
The walls
The windows
Whisper
Muted cries
Muffled shouts
Painting the walls like dust
The words are not for us
It's the lot behind
The door
The floor
Hush
The walls
The windows
whisper
Muted cries
Muffled shouts
I've got no doubts when I hear your voice
"But it's past my curfew" I tell myself
"I've got no choice"
The door
The floor
Hush
The walls
The windows
Whisper
Muted cries
Muffled shouts
I don't know you
Though I feel like I do
The door
The floor
Hush
The walls
The windows
Whisper
Muted cries
Muffled shouts
Night after night
I peek through the curtains
Once the fight ends
I see you walk the length of the fence
Wiping tears only I have seen you cry
The door
The floor
Hush
The walls
The windows
Whisper
Silent sobs
Shattered parts
I wish so badly I could mend your heart
I've never met him but we often hear him and his mom fighting. I can never tell what it's about but I've always imagined he was innocent.
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