Writing out my every thought
For thousands of you I have bought
Your ink spilt on paper, forms such beautiful words
we could write amazing music, much like songbirds
You portray all my emotions
Which could fill many many  oceans
Your ink, it comes in a rainbow of colors
When reading your work my heart flutters
You are, always there when I fall
Help me, for we could build mountains quite tall
Free like a butterfly
You leave a trail for everyone nearby
Beauty in your gracious flight
You are the victor in every fight
Building a skyscraper
As your point dances across paper
Its as if you know everything
You make me wanna sing
You show a world of pure imagination
Proving the beauty of creation
Drawing the blood from my hand
To write stories of wonderland
You are like a bridge of communication
You do this with much confrontation
Spewing life's essence with every swift movement
But staying in the limelight
You shout so loud, without even speaking
brain matter leaking
Leaving every brow furled because
You control this whole **** world

Dear rainbows,
Thank you.
Thank you for showing that out of every storm comes
something so inexplicably beautiful that we often stop all that we are doing to admire you.
Thank you for being a bright light at the end of every struggle.
The day that you don’t shine after a terrible storm is the day that I give up.
Thank you For your every hue.
Larger than life, your bright colors streaming across the sky,
Thank you for being a beacon to all of our allies.
I reach for you and your beauty.
Thank you for being the symbol of an identity I hold so dear
For your colored stripes are ever so often my only hope.
Thank you for giving me strength when I need it most
You tell us, not to give up when life is unfair, to not succumb to our despair
Thank you for being this, Mirage of heaven
The prettiest woman, a reborn Marilyn Monroe
Thank You For I can feel your hands guiding me
Down every bumpy road
Thank you for standing tall
Like paint trickling down from the sky
Thank you for being the bay and meadow
While the clouds fly high above your head
Thank you, for defining all my colors
All the colors of my rainbow eyes
Thank you for your rare kind of beauty
For, heckling the rain
Thank you, for brightening the sky
The vibrant shades of the world
Thank you for cheering me up
Even on the darkest of days
Thank you, because after the world glistens with rain
It's fun to explore what lies beyond your end

It was my first time meeting A’s grandmother-
I brought her flowers
Laid out on A’s den floor I begun writing this poem
While A watches anime-
English subbed
We are supposed to be studying-
we did for a while but
E has been on the same page for half an hour
As C sits atop a table-
making bird noises from above
We move to the dining room
because A’s grandmother made noodles and egg rolls
E is ******* up his noodles like a vacuum
I don't blame him- they taste like Jesus
C sneezes so loud it makes everyone jump
I look around the table, thinking of the past year
And all the friends i've made
Love, Platonic love, is beautiful

“Space
The Final Frontier”
Planets, stars, the moon, the sun

Now I won’t write some cliche about how the sun dies every night to let the moon live
Or how the moon only shines because it reflects the sun's light
Or just about how awesome the sun is
and how it keeps us alive

But I will write about how beautiful a full moon is on a cold dark night
So big, you could almost touch it
Except
It is still so far away

Sometimes I see the moon
And burst into tears because
I cannot feel the moon
Only the cold chill of night

The moon is an art piece
You could call him god's masterpiece
Untouchable,
Indescribably beautiful

The moon and its power over the ocean
Controlling its tides
Sometimes strong
Sometimes weak
Always present
Its as if the moon and ocean
Have a commitment
That is really forever

The moon- a chunk of the earth
That just strayed
A little too far from home

The moon and his many phases
Yet he is still one in the same

The moon- a contradiction
Hiding away
Before showing his true face

But let me tell you a secret
This isn't about the moon
This is about my heart,
Being four thousand eight hundred and five miles from its home
A whole different country
So far out of reach
A moon, For only my eyes to see

I know a writer
She seems like quite the fighter
her arms and legs are covered in scars        
But her eyes are so full of stars

I know a writer
Whose future couldn't be brighter
that always seems so sad
Or maybe just a bit mad

I know a writer
Who couldn’t shoot higher
She always looks up on her strolls
For the sky holds all her goals

I know a writer
Sleepless over her typewriter
She often falls asleep in class
But, she has a smile that could cut glass

I know a writer
Who frequents the overnighter
Sleep to her is a foreign ideal
She knows not how it can heal


I know a writer
Who is quick to tire
An hour or two
It’s ever so true

I know a writer
Who's not an outsider
So full of compassion
She runs with a faction

I know a writer
And she's kinda a whiner
Loud and proud
Much like a storm cloud

I know a writer
She's nothing more than a cipher
With her secret codes
Hidden in all of her odes

I know a writer
Who couldn’t be nicer
Always smiling at strangers
She's a real game changer

I know a writer
Who fights like a tiger
She’s stronger than most
But she isn’t one to boast

I know a writer
Who bites like a viper
She can be malignant
But only if you’re distant

I know a writer
And this may seem minor
But her vivid imagination
leads to the beauty of creation

I know a writer
Who couldn’t be wiser
With a heart for spoken word
Though she’s often left unheard

I wholeheartedly wish I could be the best at something.
My inferiority complex
The nicest,
the funniest,
the prettiest,
My inferiority complex
the most spontaneous,
the most adventuress,
the most forgiving,
the most talented,
My inferiority complex
the best musician,
the best writer,
the one who makes people laugh the loudest,
My inferiority complex
But there is always going to be someone
better in my surroundings,
in my bubble.
My inferiority complex
It stems from a family I never really belong in
From friends I never really had,
Subjects i was never really good at
People i never really knew
My inferiority complex
How am I to compete with those,
Smarter than me
When grades “determine” intellect
My inferiority complex
How am I to compete with those
More beautiful than I
When the outside is all taken into account
My inferiority complex
I am so tired of feeling inferior.
My inferiority complex
Lonely, broken. Empty
Nothing more than shards of glass
A failure, A disappointment
My inferiority complex
consumes me
Suffocates me
My inferiority complex
The Jealousy,
It defines me
My inferiority complex
Why wasn’t I born to be like him,
Like her,
Like them

A name is but a label that has branded us for life
Hannah
A name such as my own, Biblical in nature
Meaning so much more to me than “The grace of god”
Hannah
With a heart for spoken word
And a mouth more than capable
Hannah
Who knows the great pleasure of the perfect phrase
And always has something to say
Hannah
I’ve got a way with words,
And I’m stronger than most
Hannah
A heavy heart,
And gentle hands
Hannah
With uncle lost to a smoking gun,
At the scene of a suicide
Hannah
A snapping turtle beneath my skin
Timid but fierce
Hannah
With intellect in my veins
And curiosity all the same
Hannah
Like a pine cone
Those rough and pointy edges remind me of my own
Hannah
Made from good intentions
And full of pride
Hannah
Backwards I am the same,
For I have only one face.
Hannah
My two-toned mind
Damaged, but alive
Hannah
My bipolar-stained brain
Depression? or mania?
Hannah
Because what good is “the grace of god”
if he only chooses to pit you against yourself
Hannah
For I am my only rival
Or Peninnah I should say
Hannah
For while god's word may be gracious
It is my name not his

And He said
I am a mathematician Hannah,
I find beauty in chaos,
And you girl,
You are beautiful
Unconventionally beautiful

A mathematician who could
comprehend her
Quirky sense of humor
And knew that she was
really just a loser
Yet
Loved her anyways

They were
Blessed by love,
a love so powerful
It could break down any wall
but
Cursed by basic geography

She told him of her fears,
And he told her not to worry,
He’d always be by her side

And he said
I love your broken Spanish
I love your heartfelt poetry
I love your ocean eyes

She asked
Does this love make you shiver?



He brought her
smile back
put up with her
inner maniac

Her hair
Like sunshine
And his was
The dark of night
            
He was smart,
Good at everything she wasn’t
But somehow,
They found peace in each other.

He could find the solution
to any problem,

She could write pages upon pages
of beautiful poetry

His intellect was beyond compare,
Until it came to her.

But when
She looked at him,
her ocean blue eye
Were met with the
depth of the earth in his

He filled every crack
in her faulty brain

Self hate is like- a tornado.
It tears apart everything it touches
Making you want to rip apart your own skin
Dark and dangerous and destructive

Much like us-
Constantly editing our existence to appeal to others

As a person, living here, seeing what is on the media every day
It can be hard to keep these self destructive feelings at bay
                                                             ­ 
But I-
I am obsessed with becoming a woman confident in her own skin
Confident in the person I am to become
No longer etching out my flaws
But rather- pointing out the good in myself-
like I do so well for others

I am not going to apologize for taking up space anymore,
I am no longer going to tear myself down-
to build up those around me.

Yes they are beautiful,
but so am I.
And…
So are you.

They are right when they say,
you are your own worst enemy
You break yourself apart
Attempting to mold yourself into
something you are not.

But there is an answer,
Loving yourself,
Valuing your own existence
Self love can-
Both keep you alive and-
Bring you to your knees.
It is stronger than any-
Natural Disaster

What people don't understand is,
It is okay to love yourself.
It isn't conceited to think you are pretty, or intelligent.
There is no shame in admiring the things that make you, you.

My life in odd numbers
1- You are breathed into this world by two loving parents who are still far too young, still children themselves. They will make mistakes, It will be okay. Forgive them, because everything they do for the next 17 years is to help you.

3- You are developing faster than most kids, they can already tell. This is good but take this increased intellect humbly, for at some point your brain will be all you have.

5- You smile at complete strangers, keep doing that, everyone deserves your kindness. Continue to love everyone unconditionally, this is one of your best qualities.

7- Tell someone. Everyone experiences trauma, some worse than others, some are affected more than others, some blame themselves, don’t. Do not let your trauma take over your life.

9- Your youngest sibling has just been brought home, You will love her so unconditionally that she will sometimes make you forget how much you hate yourself. Hold her as much as possible, you’ll miss this time when she's older.

11- You are in a new, unfamiliar place, this is a good thing. You will meet fantastic people and have good experiences. Accept it for what it is and be open to change.

13- You must learn to get restful sleep. Your all-nighters cannot be your safety blanket forever, You must sleep to heal, to grow. You must face your night terrors.

15- Look at you, stronger now more than ever. But darling you must learn to love yourself before anyone else can truly love you. You’re only hurting yourself because you believe you are not beautiful but trust me, darling, you are beautiful.

17- Stop worrying so much about what the future holds, be happy in the present day because you never know if you will wake up tomorrow.

A black kitten stumbles towards me
Its young features-
Prominent in the thick fog
The kitten, teetering on its small paws

I kneel down-
In these looming clouds
This kitten-
She rubs her head
against my outstretched hand

This poor little guy,
Not knowing where to go
Such a small speck in this big, big world

The fog blinds me for a moment-
And the kitten was gone

My heart
It holds everything
The good, the bad, the ugly
This heart pumps blood throughout my body
My heart
It holds the grief
From my uncles suicide
This heart, it's keeping me alive
My heart
It holds love
Newly found self love
This heart, just sitting in my chest
My heart
It holds the pain
Of seeing my mom down pills everyday
This heart beats to a rhythm
My Heart
It holds the trust
I put in my brothers hands
This heart is strong
My heart
It holds the benevolence
of my soul
This heart is heavy
This heart
It holds the shame
Of never being enough
This heart is sad
My heart
It holds fear
A fear of abandonment
This heart is broken
My heart
It holds the joy
of my sisters smile
This heart has been many places
My heart
It holds disgust
From a cousin, who couldn't keep his hands to himself
This heart has seen too much
My heart
It holds my anxiety
Formed from my father's anger
This heart hurts
My heart
It holds sadness
And blood stained memories
This heart deserves so much more
My heart
It holds sorrow
Strong enough to rip apart skin
This heart is a champion

What makes you feel beautiful?
No I don't mean Make-up And high heels
I mean looking at your best friend, and getting the feels

I mean
Rainbows on a cloudy day
Or
Rays of sun through window panes

I know what makes me Feel Beautiful
Raindrops on roses
A completed work of art,
Warm apple cider
And bumble bees
Or my sisters smile

My sisters smile
My sister is warm apple cider on a cold winter night
My sister is a work of art
My sister is a rainbow
She is the sun, and I her moon
She brings me light when I am lost in the darkness
and cannot find my way
My sister,
Is my best friend
And she makes me feel beautiful

Marie is a rebellion,
A stark fight
A ****** war
Like no other
She is the depth
of the ocean
Fish, sea monsters
and all
Marie is
Eccentric
A mistress
if you will
A vision
Of grace,
Twinkling eyes,
Blue as the sky
Marie is
Forgiving
Yet
Spiteful
like a
grapefruit,
Bitter
yet delightful
Marie is a
powerful storm
In the dead of night
She is the
child everyone
Wishes for
But
Never receives
Marie is
sorrowful
Yet is never seen
Without a smile
A beautiful
creation,
Made of
Pixie dust
Marie is
Radiant
Like the sun,
Shining
Ever so brightly
She desires
Stability,
A loving home,
In someone's
Arms