It's a sad thing
When January 15th means more to me
Than my own birthday
I guess I'll celebrate
Anyways

Happy birthday

It's icy cold
Out here in the snow
But I don't mind
I'll bury myself
Before I go back to you

It's not that I don't want to
I do
I want to smother myself
In the warmth of this idea
That I carefully made
And assigned to your face
But I won't

Maybe I'm derelict
And you're lost too
But I don't want you
I know my edging
Is pretty
And the frosted glass
Glimmers when it's dark
But I'm empty
You won't find anything in here
Nothing for you
At least

I hope you're happy
I don't mean that
In a bitter way
I want you to be happy
I hope she gives you
Everything that I couldn't
I hope she looks past your flaws
Moves past the place where I stopped
I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy

I feel like a failure
Because I don't know what to do
Some stories are self deprecating
Most of them, actually
So will you laugh
Or am I just embarrassing

Is my stupid hair
A sign of independence
Or just something else
That makes me different
Am I everything you want
Or everything you dread

Am I a trainwreck
Already in full force
Careening off the tracks
Surrounded by bystanders
I guess it'd be funny
If I wasn't me

I'm okay with being the mess
Playing the disaster
I'm outside of myself
So it doesn't matter
If I play the fool
I'm laughing too