They say you don't always
get what you want but that
you always get what you need.

Let's hope that's true.
Meanwhile I'll just have
to convince myself of this:

I don't need you
I don't need you
*I never needed you

Tonight I will close my eyes
and remember that there are people
more beautiful than I,
more purposeful than I have ever been,
more wonderful than I could dream.

And tonight I will close my eyes
with a prayer falling from my lips
because they are also
more broken than I,
more afraid than I have ever been,
more lost than I could dream.

Why is it that all the best
suffer all the worst?

So much
for
fairness.

All she loved, she loved alone
With broken words upon her tongue.
Her hands beat firm against the walls,
Feeling insignificant but standing tall.

And all she loved, she loved in vain,
Dreaming of sunshine in the midst of rain,
Broken by his desertion, changed by his return
Paper and promises were both meant to burn.

Well, all she loved, she loved for him,
Picture of instability, gone on a whim.
Fires have started for less than this,
Mourning she cries for each sinful bliss.

Oh, all she loved, she never did,
Regretting the moment goodbye was bid.
Broken hearts are for the vulnerable and weak,
Tears for the childish, pessimism for the bleak.

All she’d loved, she’d loved alone,
Left so far away from home.
Don’t show weakness, always be strong.
It’s hard to love when you love alone.

*All I’ve loved I’ve loved alone.

You never lied.
I was always yours
Just as you said.

But I think I told a fib
Maybe two
Because I fear now
That you never belonged to me.

Upon the taking of my last breath,
I ask that no tears be shed.
Instead, I request that there be laughter,
Laughter to fill rooms and shake shoulders.
I want there to be joy upon my departure,
Joy that may follow me wherever I go.

Do not tell them the truth.
Tell them I died valiantly,
Protecting the helpless and
Playing savior for the weak

Tell them I was fearless,
Completely unafraid and unfazed
By anything that was ever placed
Obstructively in my path.

Tell them that I danced in the rain
And that I never got sick, ever in my life,
That I wrote beautiful things and
Spoke wonderful words.
Do not tell them the truth.

Or better yet, please do.

Tell them I was broken and frightened,
Pretending to be strong always.
Tell them I was a dreamer and I never woke up.

Tell them of the music I loved.
Speak of the people I greatly adored.
Tell them I was twisted, psychotic, confused
And beautifully, boastfully, blissfully so.
Tell them how I laughed as often as possible.
Explain how I never cried in the presence of others.

Tell them how I cared for others and how
I never did understand human nature.
Tell them you could never know me
Without knowing my deepest secrets.
Tell them how few people really knew me.

Tell them they are beautiful and loved
Because that’s what I would say, if I could.
Tell them goodbye and wipe their tears.

Tell the truth of my gloriously insignificant life
But only to the ones who loved me most.