-A Thought Back (-to 'Dad').
You would not
be,
You could not be,
Without drawing
me
Into you 'mood,'
on anything
yours,
******* me around just for the heck to see!
And carry me close--your 'loved' son
For whom you wanted to be the one
In charge and in seat after you're gone;
And so I laid all else aside, faithful to your call,
So heard your word alone, and only at your nod
had it done!
Then you were nightly fed evil
mis-understanding,
As loving hearts too often are prone to slipping
On malicious dice cast by envious others, 'like
echoes travelling
From the center like horses' wildly let loose--
Ah, and the brother who so wept to you over my
sorrowing!
I was mistaken---
As one of them days I had to awaken
Just to learn that you were taken
In death, and left a denial of my little rightful
due:
'A will' contradicting the Qur'an, with father's
love proven false and forsaken!
How night and day I stood by you and more, a
willing sacrifise
At your fingertips, nocquestion devoted without
lies,
Deferential, tireless--surest among your ¹ties,
I lived entire years suffering, accepting
Blame for anything that came to your mind
without asking 'whys .'
They who put false love in token arms
Around your deluded dying head with seeming
charms,
And falsely called whatever words you uttered
'perfect and wise'--
Who led you to deviate from Allah's Holy Word
And thus corrupt your love as father, and so die
in foresaken esteem--
Came around your coffin the day you died, per
chance
To lift their heads up boldly, and with your 'will'
in hand trace
Every bit of every thing that ever belonged to
you--at once
A final heartbreak showing that together we
didn't belong in spirit,
And that love, like me, was a mere pastime to
you albeit parental disguise!
-by Hakim H.Kassim. (December 18, 2021)
NOTE: The quoted line 'like . . .horse' (lines 11-13) are borrowed from Sylvia Plath.
NOTE: The quoted line 'like . . .horse' (lines 11-13) are borrowed from Sylvia Plath.
(-personal note: In light of evident emotional weight that I borne while preparing this poem, in particular, I only wish to remark that 'hindsight,' while helping me
if only generally (i.e. as a writer), did nothing to ease genuine disappointment or ******-emotional trauma in actual event thereof, or at any rate distance experience of parental abuse into intellectual categorization whatsoever.)