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Sep 2019 · 262
Drifting Apart
Hailey McMullen Sep 2019
These hands that write  
       have lost their touch
This mind that thinks
       is lost
These eyes that see the world around
       are sheeted over with frost


These lips that used to kiss you
       are chapped without your touch
These hands that used to hold yours
       have grown cold without your love


We have lost ourselves
        In old memories
Clinging onto what used to be
         You and Me
Feb 2019 · 325
Me against my brain
Hailey McMullen Feb 2019
My brain has two sides,
and they’re always at war.
I cannot seek help,
I’m rotting from my core.

A feeling of mania
A longing to be free
I wish you’d see
that this isn’t me.

And after the mania
comes a wave of depression,
I try to be myself
try to fight this suppression.

I inhale my pain
and hold my breath,
until I can’t hold any more
and I’m walking with death.

Then I open my eyes
and days have passed by,
But I’m lost in myself
I was trapped inside.

My brain has two sides
I’m at war with myself.
I’m rotting from the inside out,
Please hear my cry for help.
Two sides brain bipolar myself
Jan 2019 · 519
Don’t believe her
Hailey McMullen Jan 2019
She looks at me
wide-eyed and confused,
This can’t be me
She looks worn and used.

The tiny red dots
form a pattern on her face,
She looks back at me and
whispers, “You’re a disgrace.”

You’ll always be alone
You’ll never be free,
Free from this psychic garbage
That no one else can see.

Free from the chains you’ve built,
from the leash they cannot see,
Free from this sadness
and free from me.

And as I look at her, she starts to laugh
and put thoughts into my head.
“You know you don’t deserve to breathe.”
“You know you should be dead.”

You see, these thoughts do not come from me.
It’s not what I want to think.
But they’re from the girl inside of me,
And she’s all that I can see
Jan 2019 · 238
****
Hailey McMullen Jan 2019
One look and your walls come down
You’re screaming but I hear no sound
I try to get close but you push me away,
Try to piece us together but your heart is astray.

We could be so much more
But you are blinded by pain,
You don’t want to open your eyes
You don’t feel the same.

Our love is like the rain, because
When it rains it pours
You’re drowning in your hate
Let me pull you ashore.

One look and I’m done with
Your eyes pierce me in two
I don’t long for anyone else,
All I want is you.
Apr 2017 · 773
Distraction
Hailey McMullen Apr 2017
Shiny stars and clouds of dust.
****** tension, full of lust.
A simple touch ignites a fire
deep within my body's desire.
"Ignore the heart!" my body cries,
and set your worries to the side.
Nature does as nature calls
so slam my body against the wall,
and navigate my body-say.
Oh, please, fulfill my pleasures way.
Apr 2017 · 935
Overshadowing thoughts
Hailey McMullen Apr 2017
No one understands the pain I am in.
I sit here in complete silence
but the silence is deafening.
My thoughts grow louder and louder,
and before I know it I'm drowning in words
with no way to speak.
Apr 2017 · 559
Scarred
Hailey McMullen Apr 2017
Your voice; a melodious tune
that replays itself in my head,
and as I watch you speak
the words dance off your lips
and linger onto mine...

Divine. That's what you are.
A being so rare, so bright, that
I am fortunate enough
to have crossed paths with you.

And though our paths may not
be intertwined, the thought of you
is burned into my mind.

You have left your mark
and I am scarred.
So beautifully scarred.
Apr 2017 · 2.5k
What You Bring
Hailey McMullen Apr 2017
I found heaven and hell in you.
Two worlds colliding, manifesting only
a whirl of confusion in my brain.
You brought love and peace
into my life, followed by a world of lies.
When we came together
God and Satan danced, creating
beautiful chaos.
Mar 2017 · 808
You.
Hailey McMullen Mar 2017
You don't see what I see.
A beautiful human being whose body I'm eager to explore,
because a body like yours is one that I adore.
As we wake up next to each other, I see the sunlight dance off your skin begging me to come in.
Let me in.
Allow me to explore and feel every surface and crevice of your body.
Mar 2017 · 1.5k
I'm Just Me
Hailey McMullen Mar 2017
What goes on inside my brain?
You wouldn't know cause you're not insane.
My depressive thoughts are taking control and my inner demons are taking over,
I'm sober...but I'm drunk on sadness.
Sadness that seeps through my body and into my veins
"I'm not insane" though they say,
but they don't know me anyway.  
I surrender myself to the demons inside,
Nowhere to hide
but behind this mask I've created for the world to see.
It's not the real me though.
Beneath this mask is the face of someone lost.
Lost in lies.
Lost in sadness.
Lost in love.
And as I try to fill this void the hole gets bigger, making it harder for me to stay happy.
But what's happiness anyway?
I'm not insane. I'm just me.
Mar 2017 · 687
I Don't Understand
Hailey McMullen Mar 2017
Listen to me, talk to me, tell me what I need to feel.
This isn't real.
You push me away when I get close... and now you see
we're drifting apart and losing me, A piece of who I am and it does't matter to you because you don't care.
Inhale my depression, exhale my suppression.
I keep everything in because I'm afraid.
Afraid of me. Afraid of what you'll think of me.
You do the same though, so I guess it's okay for you. Just not me.
This isn't fair...what you're doing.
I keep falling. Falling deeper into this state of depression that I can't escape, and these thoughts keep knocking on the door.
Keeps me wanting more.
Though the more I suppress them the more I lose a piece of myself.
I feel like I'm becoming less human.
But that's okay because you are too.

— The End —