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Nicole Feb 2017
i was going to therapy
but all it did was make me angry
because thats what happens when you are depressed and filled with anxiety.

the feelings overwhelm the brain,
making it hard to make sense of anything,
as you get beat up in the metaphorical boxing ring.

taking swings left and right,
you can’t put up much of a fight
against the feelings of complete fright.

tired and hopeless,
you begin to give in,
pleading with your thoughts to just take the win.
Nicole May 2016
We lie in the dark,
on the sidelines of existence.
watching and waiting
for the day the fire can leap from our throats
and scorch them all.

But for now,
we observe and listen.
silent in the shadows,
we see them,
spitting sparks of words that sting each other.
unknowingly sealing their fates.

And when the day comes,
we, the silent ones,
will creep out of the dark.
our fire will singe them to the ground.
realization in their eyes,
that their sparks
ignited a fire that burned them in the end.
Nicole Mar 2016
I cannot fall asleep.

The monsters in my head,
won't stop screaming.


They scream for
sweet release.

The feeling of cool sharp metal
against my warm wrist.

The dark red color of my blood.


I yell and scream for them to stop.

But they do not listen.

I comfort them in the only way I can,
without breaking the promise I made.

I imagine slitting my wrists,
the dark, dark red slipping from them.
Then laying down on the cold tile,
and drifting away.
Never waking.


I weep as they smile,
finally at peace.

I made a promise I intended to keep,
but I don't think I can any longer.

As they sleep,

I slip off into the dark
to find that silver blade
and cut my skin.


They're winning.
Nicole Feb 2016
My legs
can't lift the weight of my body
for there are ropes
wrapped around my feet
holding them to the ground,
trying to pull them down deep.

And my shoulders
hang low
because the weight upon my head
and my chest
keeps me closer to the ground
where hell is found.

And my eyes
are sinking in
because of the weights placed in their sockets
to keep any smiles from popping
onto my lips.

I'm trying to survive my own apocalypse
but every day
more weight is added.
to my head,
my chest,
my eyes.
And I'm afraid it will be my demise.

Getting closer and closer
to the ground,
I'll be in hell now,
or maybe somewhere in between.
Nicole Jan 2017
today i spent all day in bed
caused by the thoughts in my head,
they swirled
and whirled
all about
pouring steadily from their spout,
the vicious words caressed my mind
making sure i'd give up in no time.

today i spent all day crying
because i cannot stop myself from dying,
the knife will cut me bone deep
as my sadness screams out in sweet release,
the deed will be done
and i will fade to no one.

today i spent all day flying
since i finally gave up on trying,
i let the blood spill from my veins
happily handing over the reigns
to death,
letting him lead me with my last breath.

today i had no way to spend the day.
finally free of my mind, decayed.
Nicole Jul 2017
She is a tsunami,
A giant tidal wave of pure destruction.
At first glance you don’t see much,
for her long dark hair cloaks her face
and she dresses
almost as if she doubts her own existence.
Keeping to herself.
But if she looks up,
one look into her eyes of grey stormy weather,
and you see her whole twisted past.
She draws you in,
with whispers of a deep sadness
that begs to be relieved.
And you crave to hold this broken angel,
to wipe her tears,
and soften her sobs of agony.
But she knows who she is,
what she is.
So that when you get close,
you are pushed away.
No matter how hard you cling to her back.
She is destruction
and she fears destroying you
so she destroys herself.
Nicole Mar 2016
Nobody cares

and I wish to be dead
Nicole Feb 2016
Broken hearts
in broken beds,
laying next to one another
Hidden hatred  
behind a mask of calm.
Lost in the crossfire
of a deadly war,
dodging bullets and dead bodies.

Silence threatens
to break the bond,
everything is going wrong.
she thinks he is no longer
capable of love
while he
is lost among his lonely mind
and they can’t see that
they are still meant to be.

War cries
erupt from within,
they are screaming
for the other to give in.
pleading.
not wanting to be the one to end it all.
but they have to do it before the fall.

Ripping heart from heart,
soul from soul,
no longer intertwined.
tears streaming down broken faces.
he,
no longer the caring person he was with her.
her,
no longer the bright bubbly girl she was with him.

They have scars on their hearts,
and burns on their minds.
Never going to forget each other,
never going to heal.
Forever heartbroken in this color wheel.
Nicole Feb 2019
some people think love grows old,
but i think
it's more like when your new pair of shoes gets broken in just right.
there's no longer any blisters on your heel,
or that awkward squeeze every time you take a step.
it's like you're walking on clouds,
the perfect fit.
and some people say love doesn't last,
but with you
it feels like a really good pair jeans.
the kind that you wear for years,
even though they get rips and tears
and,
when they can no longer be worn in public,
you keep them around for the house work
as long as you can.
there's always a reason for them to stick around.
and some people think love is a myth,
but i feel
like it's the bite in a cold winter breeze,
impossible to ignore,
and impossible to forget.
it's the lingering shiver that goes down your spine
when you're warm and cozy by the fireplace,
it wakes you up and keeps your heart beating.
and some people think love dies,
but i know
our love is everlasting.
like the smell that reminds you of home,
your nose always knows that's where the scent belongs,
bringing the most comfort with every hint of it in the air.
it's never forgotten,
even when it appears to be.
our love is all these things,
and maybe,
even,
more.
Nicole Feb 2016
waking up
just to be closer to death.
every breath
just to taste the sweet embrace of cold paper skin.
every sin
just to have the opportunity to skim the surface of hell.
every stay in a ****** motel
just to make friends with the devil again.
waking up
just to die in the end.
Nicole May 2016
Maybe she wanted to die with white flowers,
clutched in her hands as the world stopped..
Lost in the field of broken glass,
she had his world in her grasp.
tossing and turning,
so she sparkled with deadly glass spikes,
coated in a syrupy red.
the flowers still pristine white
and her mind lost among the lights.
his tears chased her far away,
to the end of the earth where she stayed.
Teetering between
death and life.
he wanted to end her strife.
so he gave her the flowers
to take her away
to a place where she could be safe.
but she fell off the edge
into the sea of glass,
with those white flowers clasped in her tight grasp.
Nicole Dec 2017
my walls are built tall and strong
from the previous glass shards of my many broken hearts,
melted together to form one strong shield,
i cannot let anyone as close as them.
and as this portrait of a man lingers by my side
i feel my walls fortifying.
and i know this harmless painting has been deemed
a weapon of mass destruction,
something so deadly that once it has infected my system
there can be no escape,
only a slow and painful loss of the air in my lungs
as my heart begins to crack and ultimately shatters far beyond repair,
the shards too small
to add to my wall protecting me from the poison of humankind.
love
is not worth the pain to me anymore.

— The End —