Pain rips through me like a lightening bolt hell bent to destroy
Paralizing fear suddenly drain all previous joy
Confusion leaves me motionless unknowing as what to do
A loneliness so deep scream to me the things that I already knew
River of tears flow continuously from blood shot eyes
Fairy tale becomes fantasy fantasy becomes unfulfilled promises and ugly lies

Can't breath; no air
Oxygen seems so rare
Not right; something's wrong
The pressures so strong
Pounding heart; pounding too fast
Must wait and pray it won't last
Can't think; thoughts scattered
All illusions gone completely shattered
No tears; none to cry
Does no good to question why
Can't be fixed; so broken
Anxiety such a prize token

I wanna *******
along with other things to
Wanna lick you from base to tip
and maybe beat you with a whip
Just thinking bout it makes me wet
been that way since the day we met
It turns me on when you slap me
don't judge me for how I be
Love it when you pull my hair
so come and get it if you dare
You enjoy telling me no
but love it when I go low
So tell me no and be a tease
I can replace you with ease

There's this empty feeling deep inside
I feel in you I can confide
You were always there for me when I was in need
When I was with you I couldn't feel my heart bleed
Even though the pain and loneliness was still there
You showed me how to just not care
For so long now we have been apart
I'm feeling empty and that's just the start
Soon I'll feel the loneliness and the pain
I need you like flowers need rain
Sure we had our problems as most do
There were moments when I even hated you
It'll be different this time I know we can work
After all ever relationship has its quarks
So how about it, what do you say
I need you to drive the pain and loneliness away
Take my hand and don't let me go
It'll be our little secret no one will ever know

Don't tell me that something that feels so right isn't whats right for me
Don't tell me that I'm waiting again for a someday...maybe
Don't try to make me believe that we don't belong
Don't try to make me feel like its all completely wrong
Who the **** are you to try to fill me with doubt
Who the **** are you to tell me to turn a deaf ear as my heart shouts
You just might be right and all thats left here is yet to be cried tears
You just might be wrong and we will live happily for the rest of ours years

**** what people say
**** nosey people and their way
Just leave me be
**** what they see
**** what they said
****** get it out of your head
**** what they do
No need for them to
**** 'em for not caring
**** 'em for never sharing
There's not a one to miss
**** 'em all its my *** they can kiss

The crushing weight inside of my chest
Makes thoughts of you harder to digest
Burning tears fill fill my eyes and steals my breath
Filling me with a pain 10 fold worse than death
The tears that fill my eyes refuse to fall
Denying me the releasing relief that comes only after a waterfall
Trapped in a lake of unreleased tears and untold pain
The screaming in my head, my own voice as if I've gone insane
I fear that in this lake of tears I may drown
And that the last sounds I'll ever hear is the deafening silence of nobody else around
Oxygen free to all others to me is refused
Fighting for every breath leaves my soul feeling bruised and abused
Treading water ever rising inside my own personal hell
Silence so loud it echoes with the pain that it has come to foretell
And only you hold the key to my release
"I forgive you" is all I need to achieve a little inner peace

Check me out I'm one **** *****
Some day I'm going to be ******* rich
I do what I do I am who I am
I'm not some innocent little lamb
I get what I want when I bat my eyes
I love ******* you off just to get a rise
I say what I want and do as I please
Sometimes I'm a ***** other times I'm a tease
I love to party as most bad girls do
If your lucky I might even party with you
I'm one bad ***** have no doubt
Don't be scared come see what I'm about
Don't worry I usually don't bite
But **** me off and you better be ready to fight
I don't fight it I flow with the tide
Welcome to Heather Land its one hell of a ride

I  just don't care anymore
So I go out and get high
I don't want to live
I just want to die

This pain inside of me
Just won't stop
This day is crazy
I feel like I'm going to drop

What a price to pay
For one single night
I want this all to end
I need for everything to be alright

Crush it...snort it
Melt it....smoke it
Wrap it....eat it
Dissolve it....bang it
How do you like yours?
Come in and lock the doors
All hush hush on the DL
Give me your word you won't tell
Can't let anyone know
It's kept on the lowest low
Loving the way it makes you feel
Just find the right person and make a deal
Tingle tingle feel the hair grow
Have some class don't be a **
Closer and closer to the edge
Its dangerous out on the ledge
Have to eat and must sleep
Remember what you sow you shall reap
This is life your life not a game
Afterwards nothing will ever  be the same
Dope is scary but oh so fun
And now you know there is no where left to run
Catch yourself early before its to late
Before those you love look at you in hate

When I hear your voice I ache inside
I wish from this pain I could run and hide
Even though try as I do
I can't seem to forget about you
Just when I think it won't hurt anymore
I hear your voice and it shakes me to my core
I see a shooting star and I wish to above
I wish to forget it was you that I love
I wish to forget the last year gone by
If only I could forget I wish with a sigh

You keep talkin ******* as if I care
Hate to tell you but I don't scare
Think your so tough but you ain't bad
Time to back off I'm starting to get mad
Man you just some ***** *** dumb ****
Wish I had a **** to make you ****
You ain't nothing but a ***** *** ***
Awe what wrong your ***** need a rag
You need to back off or I'm gonna flip out
Keep moving that lip and find out what I'm about
You think your tough but your just full of *******
Just look at your ***** *** throwin a fit
I think you ain't nothing but a little *****
Better back up before your face needs stitched
Just sit down and stop acting a fool
Hate to tell you bro but you ain't cool

I wish I could go back to a year ago
When I thought I was at my lowest low
When I thought everything had gone so wrong
Bet I would be singing a different song
I'd start by deleting that very first line
Maybe then my life would be just fine
I would never have learned how to twist that bowl
Maybe then I wouldn't be filled with this gaping hole
I wouldn't know that you could eat dope
Maybe then I wouldn't be left without hope
I would have said no and walked away
Maybe then I wouldn't be sitting here a **** addict today

I close my eyes and your right here
It feels bitter sweet to have you near
It was a love that happened so fast
The kind of love that was made to last
Over night all I could see was you
It felt so right a love so true
You as my lover and my best friend
It seems to me you were a God send
We made it round after round
Through all the ups and downs
I open my eyes and see
It was only that way for me
There's a loneliness deep inside
It feels as if part of me has died
Never for a second, thought it would end this way
I search my memories trying to find the exact day
The day that your love was lost
I would pay anything to change it no matter the cost
When I close my eyes you feel the same as I do
Cause your still in love with me too

Do you think you know me when you look me in the eye
I've made my mistakes I won't lie
Here is the list of people that I have hurt
While I selfishly crawled through the dirt
I have seen rage in the eyes of my dad
I know I made him angry but worse than that I made him sad
In my mom I have seen a complete loss of trust
All because I wanted to feel that wonderful rush
With my daughter I seen fear while she cried
The pain in her eyes made me wish I had died
I dragged them down the path of hell right beside me
All the time my selfishness made them difficult to see
I thought I was alone as I walked into Hell
But I know now because of me they are here as well
Unlike my lonely decent together we will rise
I will replace the rage and distrust I see in their eyes
I will remove the fear in which my daughter is in slaved
I know now that I can and want to be saved

Please dear God hear my prayer
Maybe give me a sign you still care
I do things you wouldn't condone
But please don't leave me all alone
I'm not a thief and I'll never ****
If you don't forgive my sins then nobody will
Always trapped in some form of cage
Made to perform on life's unforgiving stage
Walking down your path I lost my way
It was never my intention to walk astray
Please forgive me for I have sinned
I know to your will I should bend
The Devil's Toy placed me in a haze
It brought out in me my selfish ways
If I could take back it all
Maybe then I could stand up tall
Please grant me the streghnth to face each day
And the wisdom to find my way
Help me to say no to sin
This in your name I pray amen

I've been to many bad places
And met even more bad faces
I've gone places no one should go
And I know people no one should know
Yet I do not regret the thing that I have done
Hell most of the time it was all just fun
I'm a stronger person because of all this
I danced through the fire to give the devil a kiss
I'm wise with the knowledge that I now hold
I have seen hell and it is empty and cold
That was not the life I was ment to lead
Those days where life lessons that in the future I will need
God's plan for me we shall soon see
I thank him for my lessons and the person they have made me

My heart is off beat
and there is a strange heat
Your eyes stare deep inside
tell me crazy boy was it a fun ride
You look inside my soul
your stare burns a hole
Can you follow the trail of pain
can you see that I've gone insane
My heart is covered in ugly scars
my soul trapped behind bars
Can't let you close won't let you in
I won't allow you to win
My body responds when you're near
my heart pumps fast when you're here
Even if my brain says not to
I can't help but fall for you
It's like flying high and taking a dive
not knowing if your parachute will bring you back alive

I hate you and all that you're about
I hate that because of you I'm filled with doubt
Because of you I now sit in Hell
I believed all of those lies you use to tell
You said you were all I would ever need
I was naive and I followed your lead
You treated me good and took away all my pain
I had no idea on my soul you would leave this stain
When I was all alone you were there for me
Before long you were all that I could see
But when I was ready to leave you wouldn't let me go
Suddenly I found it impossible to tell you no
Try as I did I just couldn't get away
You made it clear you were here to stay
You laughed in my face and called me a fool
I had no choice but to follow your rules
No more family, laughter,and loving hugs
Thats the price I paid when I turned to drugs

Smoke a lot of **** eat a lot of dope
Always a need but not a lot of hope
Mountains to climb oceans to swim
Not a lot of time my futures looking dim
Moving as fast as I can when will enough be enough
Moving more than your best man but its getting kinda rough
When did I last do a line when did I last see a bed
I'll be just fine after I lay and rest my head
Running to fast when I really need to sleep
Know I can't last this is getting really deep
Lost as I am can I be saved
Do I even give a **** that its made me its slave
I'm turning to stone not the way I should be
Can't do it on my own can't nobody save me

I sit here locked behind concrete walls
With bars on the windows and 15 minute call
Even though I won't be here long
I find myself asking where did I go wrong
I have to put my life on the right track
Or I'll find myself coming right back
I feel my light inside start to dim and fade
I feel so alone I am afraid
I'm fearful that I'll fail on the gates other side
Parts of me wants to stay behind these walls and hide
I'm scared that I'l disappoint the people I Love
And be a disgrace to my God watching me from above
All I ever wanted was to find a little happiness
Never thought I'd turn to drugs to find my bliss
From here I don't know where to go or how to get there
I don't really know anymore if I even care
I know deep down inside I still have a little hope
And I pray once released its not eaten alive by the dope

I stumble to find the right words to make you see
How amazing you are and just how much you mean to me
You make me so proud of how well behaved you are
I never worry cause I know in you life that you will go far
I don't fear that you will be a follower cause you were born to lead
And no matter what the reason I'll be there every time your in need
You are incredibly smart of this there isn't a bit of doubt
And I light up inside to know you beautiful both inside and out
No matter how I put it there's no way to explain how much I love you
Without you life would be meaningless I don't know what I would do
I pray for God to help me lead your life in the right way
Know that everyone makes mistakes and thats perfectly ok
Always admit to the things that you do wrong
When your hurting try to remember it will ease before to long
Set high standards and follow them through
Remember nothing can ever change what you mean to me or the absolute way I love you