I always wonder what it would have been like if it was reversed
If you had stayed on this earth and I had gone first
A person worth living with smiles to bring
What would I have lost, a non-existent something?
If it was me hooked up to all those tubes and bags
Who’s tears would fall first, yours or Dad’s?
Yeah I always wanted to get a tattoo and go to Greece
Just let Kadi pick my dress though, don’t put me in that stupid fleece
Casket? Get the cheapest and save your money, it’s just a box
Let Abigail pick my flowers and give her my collection of rocks
I always wanted to grow out my hair, shave it and donate it
Why would it matter that much if I haven’t experienced it yet?
“She had such opportunity” for what? It’s ok I didn’t need to
Thanks for teaching me about rock and roll, it’s now my life’s glue
If I had died, Abigail could have still given you grandkids
But you dying took away her mom, and you can’t replace those kinds of things
I just wish it was me so I didn’t see you in pain
Chemo, radiation, I wouldn’t complain
It hit me when I saw them carry you out on the stretcher
But the movies lied, you were still warm, your hands a soft leather
You had to go to the ER on your birthday, isn’t that *******?
They said you were brain dead and there’s nothing to do about it
I didn’t understand, you still looked my mom
Just with a new haircut, until the embalm
God I hated it, your hands were like wax
Your lips were sewed and my stomach collapsed
I was so nauseous and sick, my hands ****** away
I couldn’t look at you, I nearly ran away
My dad broken, not cried, but sobbed
How was this fair? Our lives were robbed
People said “It’s part of God’s plan”
But I miss our kitchen dances, Talking Heads, and Roxanne
No matter how much I write, I know I’ll leave something out
You won’t be here, my life without...
Not here for my first car, graduation, or college
My dream of owning a garden, and a tiny stone cottage
I know you’d make a Pinterest board for decorating my dorm
Or little things, no late night cuddles, I’m cold, without warmth
I miss watching TV dramas, just to make fun of them
You holding me when I’m sick or a nightmare that I’d dreamt
I want to wear your old wedding dress when I walk down the aisle
You won’t be there in the hospital room to hold my first child
I don’t know how to be a mother, who will I go to?
I’ll have to go off of the years you gave me,
Can you please just come home?
I love you and I miss you...