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i've tried to capture the color of your eyes in my poems
so many times that the words are blending together
and darling,
i'm writing the same thing
with different syllables and rhymes
and you know they all mean i love you
I've been waiting for you
My entire existence.
If that means I have to wait
A bit more to be in your arms,
So be it.
Because you are so worth
Every minute if it means
The rest of eternity.
They’re the bend in the road
Of a familiar ride home
They’re a white washed mantel
With a never used candle
They’re a kitchen sink
With winter leaks
They’re a ceiling attic door
As children long to explore
They’re the hardwood floor of a hallway
That socks have slid down, grasping the doorway
They’re the doormat that have greeted
Every guest that has been seated
They’re the hallway blueprints that you have in your mind
And could walk in the dark in that you’ve memorized
They’re the pencil marks written on the doorframe
From years growing, your age and your name

They’re the home I’ve always lived in
And the one I wish to buy
With the riches of my heartstrings
And clichés that underlie

I think a lot of people over or mis-use the word I love you. I think if I were to ever explain what it’s like to love someone, not even romantically but emotionally, this is how I’d explain it. People are the reason you make a house a home.
remember when you said you loved me
and you thought i'd be surprised?
but i wasn't, not really...

because i'd seen it in your eyes
when you looked in mine.
i'd seen it in the little smiles you gave me every morning.
and i'd seen it when i looked across the room at you
and you were already blushing back at me...

it hurts to remember.

it hurts to imagine you alone right now
curled up in your bed
reading this...

or maybe it hurts to experience that.
because i know you won't see this...
you stopped caring a long time ago
and i wish it was that easy for me...

how did you do that?
i wonder every day...
how can you just stop caring?

it's my fault
and i should just let go
the way everyone around me already has
so easily...

the way i know you have...

you know...
i used to see you everywhere.

i couldn't even leave my room
because i knew you'd be somewhere out there...

but now i look around and remember
you're not out there.

you're a thousand miles away
and whether you chose it or not
i know you're happier now...

without me.

how else could you be okay with that name?


how simple.
and yet complex.
eight letters that hold so much

how much difference could my absence make
that you're serene now?


i try to convince myself i'm over it, done.

but i never really stopped writing about you.
it's weird bc I didn't hate myself  ...I didnt like myself either but I didnt hate myself and I was litterly dancing and didnt care what people thought
This is back when body appreance didnt matter.  Back when makeup was something used like one a year to play with back when family and friends came over social media and school... when did this happen god when did we decide that we care what strangers think and that were not good enough
When did suicide become to answer to our problems versus going outside and building a fort in the living room
When did we lose our best friends and grow up
Our siblings are our enemy's not our best friends
We live as an obligation although all we want is an end
This isnt a poem but a realization
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