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smc Oct 2018
It's time
to tell me the truth.
Take your time, darling,
I'll be here, pacing, wringing my sweaty palms,
Praying for the tears to gift a voice to my silenced screams
As the second hand on my watch
Ticks
and Taunts,
Measuring the miserable myriad of moments...
Waiting for you
To slink from behind the excuses and the lies,
As you calculate with a stoic snicker,
And,
When you're ready,
Stop my heart with sickening relief.
You rob me of what is left of my sanity, and I shrink into that brittle shell...
That place and thing I loathe and crave somehow in the same jagged, shapeless moment.
I'll let you continue to carve out
The softest parts of my soul...
What is left of it now, that is.
I dream of the Her I used to know,
After decades of draping around me
The ill-fitting, itchy facades...the masks
I tried to wear as my own skin.
I was just beginning to emerge from the earth,
Only hairlike roots serving as my anchors,
But they were Mine.
I was becoming familiar somehow,
Though I had never met myself.
There was finally sunlight
To warm Me,
And to coax Someone I thought I was befriending out of a flaking shell
That stayed cold all the time.
But I chose to let go
Of who I was becoming...
I'm forgetting the sights and the smells and the warmth
Of the earth and the sun and the roots that belonged to Me,
There are times when I dream of the tiny pink bud...
The promise of a life that could have been lived.
I made my decision. I chose existence. Survival.
I hate that I love you
So much that I choose to disappear into your shadow...
Where somehow it's always warm.
But the air is heavy there, in your darkness.
I miss the sunlight.
I was, for a season, beginning to Bloom.
smc Jul 2018
I hate coming "home"
To an empty house.
I cannot smell you anymore.
I can't taste you on my lips.
You left weeks ago
Without a warning...
Devoid of a goodbye.
My refrigerator is full of rotting vegetables,
An empty cardboard box
Full of cold air
That I can't bring myself to throw away.
I used to come Home
And wait for you,
Lying in my bed with my eyes closed.
My heart flipped upside down
When the door creaked open
And you said, "Sally?"
Every morning, when you left
Before I even had the energy to open my eyes,
I heard the door creak
And my heart sank,
But my head told me, "He'll be back,"
And every day, like clockwork, you came back.
But clocks stop ticking
And hearts stop beating
Sometime.
Who are you, and what have you done with my Wes?
smc Jul 2018
I can't let you--
I WON'T let you
Run your fingers through my mind
Today.
I won't allow your voice
To dance to the beat
Of my heart.
Your smile cannot brighten
The dark corners of my mind.
I have grown callous to the memories
Of us, every day, as best friends.
The steam from the countless showers we shared
Will not seep into the cracks of my composure.
I saw your picture today,
And I did not cry when the familiarity of the You I once knew
Struck me in the face
And splashed into my stomach.
I'm growing
Stronger
Without you.
I won't allow you to break me
Again.
smc Jun 2018
Boy meets girl.
Your refreshing opening lines
Inspired & Entranced
Art,
Spectacularly connected,
True to Form.
She's in love
Finally
Singing again--
Home.
The believable storyteller created perfect subjective reality...
LIEs.
Secrets burn away pretty tales
Cheap fiction,
No   (t)  Love.
Truth bickering with your mouth full,
Keeping her,
The hand that fed you.
I see you now...
Just a conman
Dancing in the dark.
Look in the mirror.
the "(t)" underneath "Cheap" is interchangeable with the "p" in that word. (wink.)
smc Jun 2018
I can't bring myself to write
about you.
I'm so tired of chasing you
Out of the cobwebs in my exhausted brain.
My limbs are made of lead.
My fingers and toes are freezing and cracked
From dehydration.
My back hurts like I'm 98 years old
And to tell you the truth that's how old I feel
Right now.
I am SO ******* tired of the right now;
I keep burning calories
Just thinking you away
And I don't have any to burn
Because I didn't eat today.
The thought of food nauseates
And disgusts me.
I found you hiding in one of the dusty corners of my mind
And I didn't want to see you
Because I remembered EvErYtHiNg
About the first time we met.
I gagged on the bile that rose with the flurry of butterfly wings
In my hollowed stomach
And raced down Giddy Avenue without pumping the brakes.
I didn't want to, **** it.
I was compelled to
Purge you out of my system.
Just break up with me like a regular human being with a backbone. Then, go ahead and delete me from the computer screen in your control tower, you amorphous slime mold.
smc Jun 2018
Just stay
Gone.
I’d like to remember
What
Was
Beautiful
about you.
smc Jun 2018
***
help this
Empty soul
find his way
Back
to me
Did you forget? I’m. Still. Waiting up for you.
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