to tell me the truth.
Take your time, darling,
I'll be here, pacing, wringing my sweaty palms,
Praying for the tears to gift a voice to my silenced screams
As the second hand on my watch
Measuring the miserable myriad of moments...
Waiting for you
To slink from behind the excuses and the lies,
As you calculate with a stoic snicker,
When you're ready,
Stop my heart with sickening relief.
You rob me of what is left of my sanity, and I shrink into that brittle shell...
That place and thing I loathe and crave somehow in the same jagged, shapeless moment.
I'll let you continue to carve out
The softest parts of my soul...
What is left of it now, that is.
I dream of the Her I used to know,
After decades of draping around me
The ill-fitting, itchy facades...the masks
I tried to wear as my own skin.
I was just beginning to emerge from the earth,
Only hairlike roots serving as my anchors,
But they were Mine.
I was becoming familiar somehow,
Though I had never met myself.
There was finally sunlight
To warm Me,
And to coax Someone I thought I was befriending out of a flaking shell
That stayed cold all the time.
But I chose to let go
Of who I was becoming...
I'm forgetting the sights and the smells and the warmth
Of the earth and the sun and the roots that belonged to Me,
There are times when I dream of the tiny pink bud...
The promise of a life that could have been lived.
I made my decision. I chose existence. Survival.
I hate that I love you
So much that I choose to disappear into your shadow...
Where somehow it's always warm.
But the air is heavy there, in your darkness.
I miss the sunlight.
I was, for a season, beginning to Bloom.