Laying here
With your back to mine
Remembering such
A simpler time
Recalling when
We wanted to touch
When being apart
Was just too much
When you looked forward
To seeing me everyday
And the way my heart ached
Every time you were away
Now we lay in silence
Unsure of which way to turn
My brain already knows
What my heart struggles to learn.

i didnt see it
before it was too late
the real you
the heartbreak
i sleep beside myself
watching each toss and turn
heartbreaks, heartaches
but your kisses i still yearn
The clouds rolled in
Thick tonight
Cried away
The last shred of light
Gripping, clawing
I cant anymore
My lifeless body
Lies numb on the floor
You dont see
What you do to me
How you squander
What we could be
I try and try
Never good enough
What once was forever
Seems a bust
I wanted you
And only you
I wanted you to want me
But you were to stubborn
To see and let it be.

i see it when i look in your eyes
broken dreams in disguise
the truth trickles out
i hear the cries
please just tell me pretty little lies
id rather not know the pain
knowing gives nothing to gain
knowing doesnt make you wise
please just tell me pretty little lies
theres comfort in the great unknown
keep your truth
ill make my own
its easier to believe and fantisize
so please just tell me pretty little lies

one day theyll play it in a song
how he was never ever wrong
he was always there
and always cared
and helped that girl when she was scared
one day theyll say
he was always true
and did everything she needed him to
that he made her smile
helped her get through
but ofcourse we couldnt be talking about you
one day theyll play it in a song
the boy who was never ever wrong.

our last ciggerette
lips filled with regret
words shared and evil glares
chances we'll never get
moments lost in time
memories divine
shattered scenes and broken dreams
mountains never climbed

for a second i thought you loved me
before it all came crashing down
when the inner screams built up an explosion
that didnt make a sound
for a second i thought u loved me
then it all became so clear
i was just a game, amusement
something to cling to year after year
for a second i thought u loved me
quickly replaced with doubt
i finally see it for what it was
now i have to see my way out.
for a second i thought you loved me
battered, beaten and scarred
i loved you more than you ever knew
making this end unbearably hard

Im not the same person i was when we fell inlove
You made sure of that
And now that youre gone
I struggle to get me back
What i once thought was forever
Has slipped right through the cracks
Im better off without you
Its time to face the facts
We were going nowhere
You only dragged me down
Its time to make me happy
This smile should never frown
Next time before you break a girls heart
Before you put in your shovel and dig
Before you tell her you love her
You should learn what real love is
You had it
You lost it
Now its your turn to face the facts
To hell with you and whatever you do
Its time to get me back.

"i don't know what else to tell you" he said
now those words are ringing in her head
memories flashing in her face
feelings that she cant replace
she turned away as she began to cry
inside she was screaming
i want you to try
i want you to tell me not to go
i want you to love me
and i want everyone else to know
i want to be what makes you smile
i know things have been looking blue for awhile
but i want you to know ill fix every crack
we can be happy
theres no turning back
ill heal every ache inside
i want to hear you say it
baby i'll try.
she let him leave
was this really the end
she told him she wouldn't let him do this again
she could never just be his friend
she had it all typed in
she just couldnt hit send
she watched him leave
shes screaming inside
she should have told him
i want you to try
i want you to tell me not to go
i want you to love me
and i want everyone else to know
i want to be what makes you smile
i know things have been looking blue for awhile
but i want you to know ill fix every crack
we can be happy
theres no turning back
ill heal every ache inside
i want to hear you say it
baby i'll try.

im sick of feeling hollow
waiting for you to try
sick of being the puppet in your show
and never knowing why
waiting for the afterglow
hear my war cry
this is my final attempt at hello
before my goodbye.

sitting on the porch tonight
drinking in the pale moonlight
wishing i could stop the fight
hoping one day we might
fix this
i miss this
babe
i miss us
i wish you were here kissing me
instead its just me and my whiskey

sitting on the porch tonight
drinking till night turns to light
contemplating wrong and right
hoping one day we might
fix this
i miss this
babe
i miss us
i wish you were here kissing me
instead its just me and my whiskey

when theres nothing more to write
when theres no words that fit best
when i can no longer cry
when youve taken all my breath
when i m losing all hope
holding on to whats left
when i realize you didnt love
as much as you obsessed
when i know i loved you
i always loved you best
when theres no way to stop
this aching in my chest
when you being gone
makes me so depressed
when i realize you could save me
let love do the rest

Santa sees a young woman crying
He said "whats your Christmas wish?"
She looked back up with tears in her eyes,
"There's only one thing on my list."
Old Saint Nick grew curious.
He said "What can i do?"
She replied "All i want this holiday,
is to have back my love so true."
This tickled Santas' heart
as Christmas came so near.
He said "Most kids want trains and games."
She said "I just want him this year."
Jolly old Saint Nick asked
"Not a plane or a house or a bike?"
She cried "No! All i want is him,
Today and the rest of my life."
Santa Claus got a tear in his eye,
"Wouldn't you just like a toy?"
She whimpered through the tears exclaiming
"There's no point without that boy."
Now Old Saint Nick didn't know what to do.
He started rummaging through his sack.
He pulled out a twinkling star
He said "Just wish on that,
and if it was ever really true love,
he will find his way and come back."
So now that's what she does late at night.
She wishes every day.
Before she drifts off to sleep, she says
"Ik houd van je mijn leifje."

i knew i loved you
from the start
now im dying
from a broken heart
a bottle of pills
seems a good place to start
maybe they will stop
my aching heart
ive always been so strong
now im falling apart
i see how people die
from a broken heart
another shot of whiskey
and screams in the dark
everything crashes
except this pain in my heart
cant see through my tears
the fading starts
everything goes cold
except the love for you
in broken my heart
its the only way to end it
cant go on without you
cant stand to be apart
so ill say goodbye to this world
say goodbye to my broken heart

i have no words for what im feeling
unbearable sadness
soul crippling hurt
complete madness
trying to remember to breath
through my grieving
trying to convince myself
to believe what im reading
we made it this long
we can make it longer
what can i do
to make you stronger
in time i will fix it
ill make it better
i will find a way
to bring us back to forever

i sit here late at night
and i cry
i always thought
love never says die
we can mend it
we can try
we can make it
so love never says die
thinking over the mistakes
of you and i
but i still have hope
that love never says die
i ache to fix it
some ask me why
its because i believe
love never says die
i still hold out
for blue skies
im still hanging on
because love never says die
i just cant believe
you mean goodbye
it just cant be
for love never says die

you didnt want me
when you had me
and now you are
taking this badly
if i could
id change it gladly
im not sure if
i can fix this sadly
but i know for sure
i'll always love you madly

pray for love
sway for love
stay for love
find another way for love
shout for love
work it out for love
pout for love
forget all doubt for love
forget what you see for love
climb the highest tree for love
agree for love
just be for love
give time for love
i'm for love
climb for love
be strong in the meantime for love
race for love
chase for love
embrace for love
let things fall into place for love
stand for love
hold my hand for love
make plans for love
put on that wedding band for love

Saying you love me from way over there
doesn't mean **** if you're never here
if you truly love me
you need to show you care
instead of leading me on
because this just isn't fair

smoke ciggerettes
think of regrets
dwelling on
mistakes and better bets

dont tell a girl you love her
unless you mean it with all your heart
because when she finds out youre lying
youre gonna rip that girl apart

ive grown so cold
my body goes numb
then i think of the things youve done
and suddenly my skin burns hot like the sun

the things you say
cant be taken back
beating my soul
shades of blue and black

yet i run to your arms
everytime
the heart just isnt
as strong as the mind

i guess thats why
they say love is blind
maybe one day
you'll truly be mine

you like to keep me at the edge of my seat
until my muscles grow sore
and my body grows weak
then you'll tell me to stand once again
this up and down game
when will it end
you like to toy with me like a cat with a string
until my heart grows cold
and all i have left is my brain
then you bounce that string some more
until this cat is spinning
then numb on the floor
you like me to never know whats going on
until my curiosity explodes
and gets sick of being a pawn
until this pawn upgrades to a rook or a knight
then decides to stop
fighting the same fight

i knew i loved you
when home went from a place
to a person
and as time goes on
my homesickness
it worsens
i find your stubbornness
saddening
a blurred reversion
you should want it
embrace it
without needing coercion
you should be okay
with me
lifting the burden
it shouldnt matter
why or how
as long as youre with that person

i miss
the warmth of your body
when the air was crisp
i miss
the spark of electricity
when i kissed your lips
i miss
the grasp of your hand
when we went for walks
i miss lingering on your words
when we had late night talks
i miss
the comfort when we slept
and i backed you into the wall
i miss
the sense of security
when ur hugs made me feel so tall
i miss
you
in the flesh
i miss
us
and the way our bodies perfectly mesh

i need to sleep tonight
i just cant seem to
i need to turn my brain off
and stop thinking of you
its already 2am
wide awake
pondering over
both of our mistakes
its hard to say whose are worse
my quick stabs
or your constant hurt
i know ill think of you all day tomorrow
so can i just stop for the night
broken hearts and broken promises
dont fade like shadows
in the absence of light

u check on me
i check on u
what good
does any of it do
i know why
you cant sleep at night
why you keep your words
locked up so tight
you're scared
lashing out in fright
if you're not careful
i just might
put an end
to this constant fight
stop being a coward
just tell me what you're thinking
because right now
babe this ship is sinking

a year ago today
we kissed for the first time
forever changing my heart
forever engrained in my mind
forever ensuring
around your fingers i'm entwined
you made me want to leave
everything else behind
as each day past
the more we aligned
the more time that passes
the more we are defined
even though at times
we were harsh or unkind
i know ill never give up on you
you took too long to find

my first memory
i was 2 years old
i remember my moms screams
as she was thrown
he should have known better
he was a man full grown
that was my first hint
its safer to be alone

then i was 5 years old
my mother liked to drink
and it took its hold
before any of us could blink
it couldnt be controlled
scars written in ink
another story told

then i was 8 years old
that past few years were rough
mother had gone cold
i covered her wrists in the bed
hoping the paramedics got there
before she was dead
it was as if
time had froze

then i was 10 years old
sick of the beatings
i had to leave that household
got on a plane
flew to see my dad
hoping this time
it wouldnt be so bad

then i was 13 years old
dads always working
trying to pay for our home
i was staying out late
streets free to roam
experimenting with life
innocence gone

then i was 15 years old
nothing is bulletproof
fighting all the time
nolonger under daddys roof
house hopping from here to there
i knew everything
no worries, not a care

then i was 18 years old
got back in school
i knew first hand
life could be cruel
got custody of the boyfriends kids
didnt want to make the same mistakes
my parents did

then i was 23 years old
i took vows
my future was told
next two years
had two babies of my own
cherish every moment
i get to watch them grow

then i was 26 years old
i fell in love with you
we broke the mold
had to leave him
because it just wasnt fair
i wasnt supposed to fall
i wasnt supposed to care

soon ill be 30 years old
i hope youre still there
right by my side
i hope one day
you'll make me your bride
i hope my feelings
i'll never have to hide
a bond so strong
nothing can divide

one day, we'll be 60 years old
by then the girls are grown
and they'll have babys of their own
its scary when a future
is so unknown
will you be there with me
or will i be alone
rock by rock
we can builld our home
build our story
like a wall of cobblestone

i'll smoke
you drink
you fap
i'll think
or try to think
but it doesnt clear my mind
you'll lie
i'll strike back
i'll cry
you'll hide
you're good at that
how can you be so ******* blind
i'll give up
you wont care
i'll leave
u wont notice im not there
i'll be the one
to run and hide this time

what am i gonna do with this heart?
shriveled, ripped, torn apart
so many concerns lurk in the dark
on a road to repair, unsure where to start
i don't want to see you lonely
but you have to know what you want
you have to be sure, so late at night
looming questions don't taunt
you take what you want to take
dont care if i'm in pain
then pin it on me
so easy to shift blame
how do i know
this time won't be the same?
how can you prove beyond a doubt
it won't be the same game?

11 o'clock
i was about to go to bed
then you sent a message
******* with my head
not sure what you meant
by the things  you said
so now instead of sleeping
i try decifering you instead

can you fall in love alone?
is it possible to do?
i always thought
that it took two.
unless ofcourse
they trick you
make you believe
what they want you to.
make you think
things are true
until youve come unglued
and everything in youre life is skewed
until you dont know what to do.
until you feel like everything
they ever said was a lie
no matter how hard you try
so you sit and you cry
wondering why
what else you could have done
wishing you'd won
ready to run
searching for answers
finding none.

can we ever just argue
or do we always have to fight
its the screams of the silence
that keep me up at night
we spend too much time
wondering whose wrong
and whose right
making endless threats
trying to instill fright
teeth sinking in
for another bite
left licking our wounds
under the moonlight

there was a time
when my heart was more than
just a cold
vestigial *****
a time i thought you were different
and then
i was drug
through the mud again
a time when there wasn't
so much contemplation
when i wanted to spend my life
lost in our conversations
entwining our minds
until the days end
the days i felt
like you were still my boyfriend

we had something special
molded it like clay
grew from a seed
and our leaves did sway
now like my blue jeans
the ends start to fray
here is your chance
to tell me to stay
are you even gonna notice
if i walk away

there was a time when i felt
like i didn't need to crawl
before the time i felt like
you didn't care at all
there was a time i thought
we had it all figured out
now late at night the silence
screams out too loud
i feel my insides turning to stone
as i ponder if i fell in love alone

we had something special
molded it like clay
grew from a seed
and our leaves did sway
now like my blue jeans
the ends start to fray
here is your chance
to tell me to stay
are you even gonna notice
if i walk away

all of the things
being around you cured
in the end i guess
your words are just words
giving false hope
and something to work towards
hanging from a rope
cuz your words are just words
now everything around me
feels so blurred
and  again as you flee
i see your words are just words
we were supposed to build a future
a life now obscured
the more i sit back and reflect, its so absurd
your words were never more than just words

saying u love me doesnt mean ****
you have to show it
its like u just saying it
is enough to make me know it
well you better step up
because youre about to blow it
my fair weather boyfriend
and im just supposed to go with it

things will never change
his famous line
but what he doesnt see
is hes the one freezing time
how can we move forward
if he decides when he'll be around
everytime we are okay
he disappears and we hit the ground
things will never change
i have, you still wont
you do great for a week
... and then you don't
the blame always gets put on me
but step back so you can see
i fixed all my issues
while u still try to flee

with you i feel like i'm someone
with you i feel like i can fly
with you i soar through an unbreakable sky
with you i feel so safe
with you i want to escape this place
with you i cherish every day
with you i know i'll find a way
i love you

if you would just talk
i wouldn't just write
you'd know first hand
what i'm thinking tonight
instead
back into hiding you go
so many knew questions
with answers unknown
and motives you'll never show
like a volcano about to blow
and even still my feelings grow
because
i remember staying up all night
talking with you till the sky was light
and im sitting here hoping you just might
still feel that love in your heart tonight
its not too late to make this right
we can still sore to an all new height
all you have to do is talk to me
but instead i write

you made me love you
i tried to stop
then you walked away
and i felt my heart drop
i tried everything
to make you see
tried to show you i loved you
so that you would love me

so that you would love me
i just wanted you to love me

you said you loved me
but you didnt
i still love you
but i shouldnt
i guess thats all it will ever be
all i wanted
was your time
and all you did
was waste mine
i guess i could never make you see
i just wanted you to love me

so that you would love me
i just wanted you to love me

we were so perfect
but you'd never let that last
couldn't just be happy
always drudging up the past
how could we ever make progress
each time you touched me
deeper id fall
that feeling was truly
something magical
a feeling of success
i just wanted you to love me

so that you would love me
i just wanted you to love me

you said you loved me
but you didnt
i still love you
but i shouldnt
i guess thats all it will ever be
all i wanted
was your time
and all you did
was waste mine
i guess i could never make you see
i just wanted you to love me
so that you would love me
i just wanted you to love me
just tell me that you love me

there's a girl
in her room
crying out
to the moon
and all she knows
is only he knows
when

if the doubt
will ever subside
tears drain down
from her green eyes
will their love
ever be whole again

you hide
inside
hide inside
your own world
i'll hide
inside
i'll hide inside
this bottle

fill this void
that's left
because you left  
i'm so **** hollow
ive cried
ive died
i wallow

you hide
inside
hide inside
your own world
i'll hide
inside
this bottle

we've spied
we've lied
now you're running out of fear
time ticks by
what are we doing here

there's a voice
in her head
screaming words
she never said
will he ever
know just how she feels
instead
it's deep inside
she'll never let him
see her cry
even though
she knows
the pain is real

you hide
inside
hide inside
your own world
i'll hide
inside
i'll hide inside
this bottle

there's a girl
in her room
crying out
to the moon
and all she knows
is only he knows
when

you hide
inside
hide inside
your own world
i'll hide
inside
this bottle

i'll hide
inside
this bottle

sitting here
not knowing what to do
falling into music
that reminds me of you
each lyric a cut
deep in my soul
each song a reminder
ill never be whole
each happy note reminds me
we'll never be the same
each sorrowful line
searching to place blame
i wish i could sleep
curled in my bed
but the weary blues echos
deep in my head

im so sick of this fight
these battles
the constant struggle

i sit and wait for the light
fighting the urge
to rebudle

trying to do whats right
i just dig holes
wheres my shovel

body fills with fright
my priorities
i must juggle

like a ghost my face turns white
my tears
they form a puddle

i sit and ponder late at night
how to breakthrough
your industrial bubble

taking a "break" is not alright
its so hard
to stay humble

but i will fight
with all my might
to forage through our jungle

getting to old to fight
always trying to do whats right
in the dark looking for light
struggling with all my might

maybe one day ill find it
so much light, ill be blinded
when we met, you never minded
to my gears, always grinded

now judging everything i do
am i nolonger good enough for you
well babe take a different view
see that my life is shakey,my morals still true

even though my actions may be deplorable
the things i do arent that horrible
atleast you can say my lifes not borable
and im still that girl you thought was adorable

trying to reason with you
is like trying to blow up a balloon
with a giant hole in it
and no ******* duct tape.

had something to tell you
wasnt sure of the right route
started to explain
as your face filled with doubt
my heart pounded faster
as i knew what the look was about
i wanted to tell the truth
but more lies came out

im always going to love you,
no matter what you choose,
but i really hope you choose me.
i hope it doesnt take long
for you to think and see
im the one with which
you truly want to be.

you just told me
you needed time
not sure i can stop crying
enough to rhyme
you are meant for me
and i for you
take your time
if thats what u have to do
if i can help you make
your decision in any way
tell me what to do
babe i just want you to stay

what did i get you?
what did i pick?
something meaningful,
with alot of thought put in it.
first ill tell you its a necklace
so its close to your heart
it represents things
hard to part.
music is what you love
its what you and your dad did.
so to honor that,
u have a silver guitar pick.
and on this pick
are messages engraved
to represent the triumphs
we have made.
on the front is a message
showing how our love grew
it just simply says
"I pick you".
on the back is our initials
and a message at the bottom
showing that our love
will never be forgotten.
when i say i love you
its for the rest of our days.
so under "M & K",
it says "For Always".
your father, and music,
and me by your heart,
life is hard,
hold close the good parts

sometimes
i like to imagine
one day
you'll be more
than my
fair weather boyfriend
that one day
ill have you
all the time
not just
at your convenience
sometimes
i like to sit
and re-read
all our good times
i go back
to that time
when we were happy
i sit
in the nostalgia
before
the next fight erupts
sometimes
i like to imagine
one day
we can be
what we are
supposed to be
together

he said it was love
maybe it was lust
maybe he got lost
in my *** and my bust
maybe he just liked the feeling
of filling a warm hole
maybe it was the fact
that i gave him complete control
maybe i was always
going to be sad
maybe he liked that i gave him
everything i had
maybe one day
ill feel whole again
or maybe this feeling
will never end