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Emily Jan 22
we began from the way
you looked at me.
familiarity became the way
you breathed,
heavy under my sheets.
please.
please remember
your heart beat.
Emily Jan 22
tokyo, paris, shanghai
i long to see
their skies.
gangnam, london, & rome
i doubt i will ever
miss home.
once i leave,
the in between
& the distance
from you to me
will make it
easier to breathe
because home is anywhere
i can finally be me.
Emily Sep 2018
chemically imbalanced.
these two words
made up all of me.
my whole personality
defined by this one thing.
they call it anxiety
it takes away your sleep
it tears down your dreams
it makes you think
everything is a bomb
waiting to explode
a disaster
waiting to unfold.
a live wire
in my bones
making its home
in my soul.
a part of me
never apart from me
i lost myself
in anxiety’s causalities.
the cure came in an orange bottle
with a child safe lid
at first the pills were white
tiny little circles
burrowing in the creases of my palm
smooth down my throat
healing that tasked like chalk.
the pills are sunshine yellow now
smiling up at me
carrying the end
of my disease.
Emily Aug 2018
i got older again
not any wiser though,
just a little bit sadder.
Emily Jul 2018
recently
I got a little older,
learned a lesson or two,
like how loving someone
could never be as poetic
as I wanted it to.
like how nothing
could ever be as poetic
as I want it to.
how can I accept
that the miracle of love
isn’t really a miracle at all?
how can I wrap myself
in someone’s arms
when I know
that there isn’t any sort
of poetic loving involved.
how do I unlearn
the romantic thoughts
that taught me
about the fireworks,
the butterflies,
and the fluttering fingers
in the dark.
and accept that
maybe kissing
won’t be as spiritual as I thought.
maybe it’s really just a mouth on mine.
how do I unlearn my innocent heart
who lulled me into a false sense of hope
for a lover who would call
the way my body moves
art.
a lover who would feel
the poetry
in every word
I spoke in the dark.
Emily Jul 2018
and at that moment I knew:
I would chase God to the end of the earth,
peering into every stranger’s soul
looking for a piece of worship.  

I would chase grace
to the edge of the world
searching for a bit to steal
and a wound to heal.

I would chase peace
to the edge of the world
letting the wind *******
into a new place to
find myself.

I would chase love
to the edge of the the world.
or maybe,
I wouldn’t.
because before I found the end of the world
I found that slow piano songs
and holding someone’s hand
don’t repair my broken heart
like I thought they would.

I will chase God
to the edge of the earth
until I’m no longer afraid
of an unfamiliar place
and the lack
of a hand to hold.
i want to leave this town so bad but my deepest desire is also my worst nightmare
Emily Jul 2018
somebody once told me
there's a fire in your eyes
he told me he liked the way
I turned without goodbyes

somebody once told me
you're more beautiful than the moon
& he kissed the craters of my thighs

somebody once told me
I'll love you until this world comes undone
but I had become familiar with the taste of lies on my tongue

somebody once told me
you walk on broken hearts
then he turned on his heel, headlights piercing the dark

somebody once told me
I don't miss you anymore
  re-appearing just to slam the door.


I never said goodbye
to the one who told me
he loved the fire in my eyes.
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