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Kat Schaefer May 2020
Like many
I am seeking enlightenment
An explanation for life and the here after
Yet there is silence from our savior
Which I have deemed
‘The immaculate absence’

Nevertheless I am fearful
Of a future in oblivion
Of being escorted
To the chamber of deviants
Of fire and brimstone
Next to Stalin and Dahmer

My clock continues to tick
Each second grows more unnerving
In Jesus’ holy name I pray
Help me
Kat Schaefer Apr 2020
I’ve never met God but I want him to be kind
To be cradled in his warmth
To be the center of his adoration

I want a wave of reassurance
To collapse onto my sinking body
As I tell him of all the times
That I had forgotten how to swim

He will laugh and nod his head
Wipe my glossy eyes and remind me
That swimming isn’t always so easy

Especially when the tide picks up
The water gets deeper
And you are left gasping for air
While desperately clinging
Onto anything that will keep you anchored

Despite my doubts, his love for me is not lessened
His impression of me remains unchanged
And because of that I remain loyal

For there is nothing more appealing
Than an unadulterated love
By a creature of such divinity and grace
Kat Schaefer Jan 12
You’re a cup of black coffee
Bringer of comfort, reminder of home
But like my teeth, you have stained me
Beyond human repair
And the love that you now show
Only deepens the memory
Of who I was
Before I was yellow
Kat Schaefer May 2020
If you’re Jim Jones, then I’m the drinker of the Kool-Aid
I will nod my head in submission and act unafraid
I shall follow in your footsteps and bow before your feet
For I am but a troubled girl who lacks a self-esteem

If you’re Charles Manson, then I’m your ardent devotee
My life, a mere sacrifice, for the desires of thee
Your love and approval is my only mode of existence
For I know nothing else, but am fearful of your distance

If you’re Marshall Applewhite, then I’m your Bonnie Lu
This world is blinded by sacrilege and doesn’t know the truth
So as the comet passes, and we are greeted by our deaths
I will kiss your cheek and say “you were worth my final breaths”

If you’re my spontaneous soulmate, then I am but a victim
For your sudden interest leads to a dangerous addiction
In a few weeks you will disappear and I will question why
While you tell your friends that you’re a "really nice guy”

And I will sit and wonder why you quickly lost interest
When I was unaware of your feelings of belligerence
After weeks of contemplation I will come to realize
That I too was but a sheep, that was herded on your lies
Kat Schaefer May 2020
Mama tells me you’ve been at night school
You make your living from 9 to 5
I know you like to burn the midnight oil
You study physics just to feel alive

Daddy says you spend too much time
Trying to prove that you’re above this town
He says education won’t get you nothing
Except a mortarboard and a gown

But I say forget mama and daddy
I love to see you sparkle and shine
How you talk about dystopian literature
When you come home for Scrabble and wine

Miss Carol says you’re wasting your energy
That an education won’t bring you a man
But if you live your life like Miss Carol
Being alone is part of the plan

Pastor Jenkins warns you of temptation
How knowledge often leads men astray
But I know God wouldn’t have made the path
If it meant you couldn’t walk your way
Kat Schaefer Jul 2020
In life I have found that
Whiskey sours and old fashioneds
Will always be my greatest vice
As well as my closest confidant

The glass hits my lips
And within the next ten minutes
I am no longer compelled
To pick my cuticles

I no longer feel the wrath
Of anxiety’s unseen brush burn
Or depression’s mighty choke hold
For once, I can breathe easy

Every fleeting thought of total apprehension
Is replaced by feelings of contentment and bliss
But soon, my eyes become glassy
While my body grows weary

And I descend into a deep slumber
Slowly sinking into the barstool
With my head on the counter
In a blue collar town
Kat Schaefer Jun 2020
Some people carry sorrow
In such a way that it flattens
Their shoulder blades
It erodes the spinal cord
And devours the skin
Until there is but a memory
Of a person that remains

And yet somehow
We continue to feast
On the crumbs of grief
That fall onto the dinner plates
Of our most fragile memories

And still we sleep
In the crevices of
Our deepest insecurities
Only to be comforted
By a gentle reminder
That the end is
Growing nearer everyday

And we continue to play
The part of the aspiring optimist
Always grinning and laughing
While what's left of our insides
Curdle and churn
For even they are aware
Of the lie that sorrow makes
Kat Schaefer May 2020
I hope your mornings are filled with kindness
That you rise with the sun instead of the snooze
May your coffee be warm and runneth over
And that you take the time to walk among the lilacs

I hope your afternoons are fast and productive
That your lunch is always your favorite
That you have enough mayo to mix with your ketchup
And that your fries are always crinkled but never cold

I hope that you ditch work for Wednesday night trivia
Your evening away from the relentless overtime
That you indulge in cheap food and light conversation
And that you never think twice about putting yourself first

I hope that you crawl into bed before midnight
That you are greeted by a soft pillow and warm blankets
May your eyes grow heavy and the lights go dim
And that you always remember that you are loved
Kat Schaefer Jun 2020
You were wrong to think
That your affection
Was to be tolerated
When it was a privilege
From the beginning

That your embrace
Had the ability to crumple
Her paper bones
When she was of
Bubble gum descent

That your laugh was
A summertime thunderstorm
When it is a gentle hum
That brings me comfort
Even on the darkest of days

That your smile was
A malevolent poker face
When it is a subtle reminder
That everyday I am with you
I hit the jackpot

And she was wrong
To scorn you for wanting
A love that was gentle
When she but was a rose
That was budding its thorns
Kat Schaefer Dec 2020
Do you remember Sunday mornings
When you told me how much
You loved the way I said “I love you”
You said it reminded you of
The marmalade your mother made
Which you spread on toast
Every morning for breakfast

You always found comfort
In a morning routine
Until you turned 17
When you no longer
Could stomach the sweetness
I guess like breakfast
You grew tired of me

Do you remember Friday evenings
When we drank captain and coke
And you told me how my presence
Reminded you of Christmas in 2003
The last yule you spent with your parents
Where there were cookies and presents
And not a single hint of your father’s affair

I guess it is true what they say
Like father, like son
Much like you, I no longer
Grow eager for Santa or sleigh bells
Instead I remember Christmas of 2019
When you said that you could never
Love someone as pathetic as me
Kat Schaefer May 2020
May’s departure reminds us
That winter’s wool jacket
Has been replaced
With spring’s fabric sandals

The morning frost
That caked our windshields
Is now but a glossy dew
That lays upon the grass

The late December chill
That weathered our flesh
And consumed our warmth
No longer can feast

June’s prelude will refresh us
The endless sunshine and subtle breeze
Will nourish us in preparation
For winter’s arrival once again
Kat Schaefer Jan 12
You are maple syrup
Unbearably sweet
And I like you on my tongue
But I know that you would
Surely rot my insides
If I indulged in you daily

— The End —