In the small
suburban town
in which I was concieved,
sycamore tree seeds
spin through the
thick spring air.
In all different directions -
from east to west,
to my left and to my right.
They whirl, falling fast
reminding me of
my mind -
lost, whirling
in all different directions.
I spent so much time
trying to catch them
as they fell,
never once could I.
Just when I thought they were falling here,
they spiral out and
land over there.
What an accurate
representation of my
lost
thoughts.

Do you really believe you know yourself?

I bet you can hardly begin to remember, due to the destruction
of your once so detailed mind

Staring into your eyes,

A vacant soul glares back at me.

Now, a sense of emptiness lives comfortably in the gaping sockets

where your captivating, brilliant blue eyes once stayed;

the same ones that relentlessly persuaded me to trust with every last hopeless piece of me.

I recall a time they once filled me with warmth;

Among all other options the universe held,

those soft, honest eyes were what I chose to focus on and believe in, above all else.

But with every skunk-scented puff,

each glazed over capsule you threw back and swallowed;

I watched so hopelessly, cowering in trembles, ashamed by the things

I had no power to change, as those soft, honest eyes drifted further and further from me.

My reach could never quite grasp you to pull you back.

Unreachable,

you floated away in a sea of the powdery, white dust you became so accustomed to.

This decorated that perfect nose of yours with a red, rash-like kind of look,

just after you decided to take a swim in that same sea of sorrow.

I'd wondered if you found comfort in that burning sensation,

the one that flowed through your nostrils the way water flows through pipes.

I watched as foreign powder took new form and seeped from your nose,

crystal-like bits were revealed to me, warning me of who you were becoming.


and with each piece of you that became lost in the mess you were creating,

a piece of me traveled not too far behind, hoping to find you.

I tried to turn my head from the drastic changes

that started in your bones, but now seep through your pores.

Hollowness ravenously engulfed all that was left of you.

First your focus, then went the remaining contents of your mind:

common sense, will power, the distinction between right and wrong.

You became destructively carefree.

I could no longer recognize the person I once felt inside my veins.

Silencing distance is all time brought us.

The further we drifted apart, the more I allowed my head to finally turn towards the truth;

drugs solitarily destroy, nothing more or nothing less.

I wish I could destroy them like they destroyed you.

But life doesn't grant that power, as much as I hate to admit;

life grants power to reckless things.

This is why they lured you in deeper and deeper each day,

your eyes became fixed on the only objects that, you could not realize, changed you so wrongly.

They tempted you, and you gave in.

Played with your mind, but you let them win.

Until I could no longer find those soft, honest eyes I once knew and trusted oh so intensely.

Horrifying, gruesome sockets your eyes were then.

Emptiness entirely sunk in.

I wonder,
when my goodbye is stamped on your heart
will you then look back with heavy eyes and say,
"oh, that must have been love."

I wish I never met you

14 weeks
14 weeks
14 weeks
Repetition is what keeps me in check.
Repetition is what reminds me.
Repetition is what convinces me.
Convinces me that you're gone.
Gone
Gone
Gone

Wishful thinking,
endless dreaming.
It's all so hopeless,
so difficult to stay focused.
When your mind travels a million miles a minute
you tell yourself "please quit it"
It just doesn't work that way,
it continues to happen every day.
The hopes and dreams,
the not-so-subtle screams.
Your mind cries out,
in the meantime your heart burns out
Zoning out and in;
this is the worst you've ever been.

You can meet a GIRL that’s 35
and a WOMAN that’s 21

These roses are metaphorical
For you (or maybe me)
Previously flamboyant, alive, and tall
Now they are withered, slumped, and dull
The colors have been washed away
by dew and dust
They are *****-looking, dark, and dead

I want to be both a home and a vacation to you—

Seasons are changing
As I try
Rearranging
My life

It’s easy to love you,
But hard to believe it is possible
for you to allow it

The brighter a woman shines,
the faster she may burn

If I could ask three things from a man
they would be
to often pour me a tall glass of wine,
to love me,
and to help me clean up his messes.

And in these pages,
I’ve made you undying

I found Happiness
when I found you

You have made me feel alive again
(I suppose that means you have the power to **** me.)

You’ll know I’ll love you
‘till the moons upside down

The love I hold for you
permeates my body—
𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭

Did you find your way out of that pretty dark place and the strong alcohol?
Still wondering, when do I get my phone call—

I am an endless ribbon of words
muttering on about how much I love you,
how fearful I’ve become,
and how deep misery runs

I have loved you
with a kind of desperation
I still cannot justify

I want it to be you,
******* I want it to be you

Bring me dead roses and old love

Don’t get too comfortable with things that
do not belong to you

There’s nothing joyful about this Christmas
Nothing other than the memory
I have of the one spent with you

If you were to ask me,
“What is Hell?”
I would tell you it is the distance between
You and Me.

I thought I needed you,
I just needed myself

The greatest love I’ve ever known,
found me by accident-—

Now you got part of my soul now—

The first time you put your arms around me,
all of my broken pieces mended back together.
I knew I was Home—

Does you heart still belong to me?
I‘ll be here when you come back to me—

Ignorant fool,
can’t you see?
All I ever wanted was you,
battered or broken,
with empty promises and empty hands.
Just plain old you.
Nothing more, nothing less—

Please
Undo the mess we’ve made,
I want to sleep through the night again

I wonder if you think you’re a *******
for fighting with yourself
about the love you have for me
and for sabotaging it all

My love for you will never fade,
My love for you will never die,
I’ll wait for you—
I never really was good at goodbyes

Through it all
your love has never changed
you have loved me the same,
and for that,
I pray this is everlasting

The air feels just as crisp as that night,
it smells the same.
The trees seem to be moving the same direction.
Perfect weather,
for a perfect meeting.
It was my favorite month before I knew you,
now it’s my favorite
and my most hated
all in the same—

I’ve never been a half-assed lover to you,
I’d rather lay on the train tracks

Loneliness bites the soul—

I just hope our loves saves you —

I know how to put my ego aside..

You ever love someone so much
that you would die
so they could 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆?

My love for you will last a thousand lives—

You have made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin,
unlovable in my own skin,
and for that
I cannot forgive.

I knew happiness,
only when I found you—

I wish I knew you were going to be something else I had to survive—

My love will find you—
Even when your soul is hiding in the darkest place.

I found a home in His bones,
and Myself in his absence.
Now that I know both,
I won’t stop until I have them at once—