if only you knew
how many nights i stay up
dreaming about you

there are so many beautiful things to write about
but why do i always choose you?

the sad thing is, is that i would do anything for you, but you wont give me the time of day unless you are yearning for a glimpse of my body. i don't know why i talk to you still, but i just crave you endlessly. over and over i try to convince myself that if i wait for you then you'll have to like me, you'll have to love me, but it isn't going to happen. after our daily late night snapchatting i tell myself "that's the last time i talk to him," but a little voice in the back of my head always says "but what if he does love you? what if he does care about you? what if he will come back to you? what if." and then the moment i see your name pop up on my screen, i swiftly answer you without fail and the vicious cycle continues on. i know i just end up hurting myself by dreaming about you and picturing the 'what ifs' but i just can't help it. something draws me to you that no matter what i do i just come crawling to your feet. i realize that i had a chance, something that feels like forever ago, that i ******* up. i've done that with every relationship i've been in, but something was different about you. my debilitating fear of commitment from my childhood ****** relationship with my abandoning mother led me to ending something that was so special. after 2 weeks, i realized how badly i messed up. i really thought that i loved you and that's why i left. whenever things are good i don't want to be the one that's left brokenhearted and abandoned so i dip. i wish with all my aching heart that things turned out differently and then things might have still been good now. i remember about 2 months ago when you had a fling with a girl for 3 weeks and when she posted a picture of you and her i cried until i couldn't breathe. in reality i've bawled my eyes out about you so many times i can't keep track, when i never cross your mind. i just end up feeling like i will never be good enough. i wish now that i wasn't laying here at 3am wishing away my unrequited love.

'be careful! bees with honey in their mouths, have stings on their tails'
as i read this, i can feel the truth radiating off of those words

i realize how in this world there are people who will be kind to you and pretend like they care about you
but in reality they are just waiting for the perfect moment to sting you in the back

you are different
it's like the life has been drained out of you
like wine from a broken bottle

you never smile anymore
only unadorned faces
i haven't heard you laugh in so long
not even your little chuckle that gets me rolling

it's like you are a completely new person
and i don't like it

you're not the person that i once knew
so, who are you?

never again will i be able to see your warm smile on a cold winters night
i wont be able to hug you and smell your sweet aroma
not being able to dance with you at midnight
you left me and i will never again get the time back that i spend wondering
what it would be like if i could do this all over again

when i look at old pictures of you
all of the memories come flooding in
the meaniful conversations
and the adventures we had
i can remember your mischievous looks,
but you will never look at me that way again.
as i drift off to sleep thinking of our past selves,
i wonder if we will ever meet again

you can't force someone to love you
but you can love yourself enough to take the time
to let life guide you to find someone that truly loves you

knowing you just weren't good enough,
one of the worst feelings in the world

i wonder what you think of me
as i think of you

have you ever lie at night restless
with me on your mind?

in your most pleasant dreams
am i there with you?

and so one night i decide to ask you what you think of me
but to my despair you simply said
"i don't"

the worst loss is the loss of a person
that you cared about
that you loved
that you would do anything for
and that is still alive

one night i became restless
i let the wind convince me to drift outside
then i heard a sweet sigh from above
and the moon divulged in the beauty of the sun
while the stars listened intently
as i told the moon about you

the way you looked at me before
so much hope and sparkle in your eyes
turned to grim glances across the room
those warm smiles turned to distant glares

how can someone you said you loved practically a lifetime ago
now become a stranger with a million memories

when i see you i can only describe my feelings to flying
my adrenaline is seeping out of my body
i am at a loss of words
and i feel as though i'm on top of the world

L O V E
doesn't that mean anything to you?
those four words
they mean the world

you have hurt so many of those that love you
but look at what you've done to them

you may say that you love me
but do you think that your actions show what you say
or show how much you just love all that you do

love is a garden
to grow you must give it time, attention, and care
some people simply ignore the seeds they decided to plant and let weeds grow
others choose to nurture the fragile saplings

the flowers of love are ever so fragile and frail
but if you truly care about the saplings they will grow into beautiful creations

i want someone that will grow a marvelous and angelic garden