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BPD
Georgia Owen Apr 2015
BPD
"Right here," [points at heart] "you're dead."
"And right here," [points at head] "you're twisted."
Borderline personality disorder.
A curse.
I am alone, empty, freezing, starving, withering.
I am sorry.
Always sorry.
Sorry to so many.
I am doomed.
I am alone.
I am twisted.
I am desperate.
Georgia Owen Apr 2015
Mail
Gmail
Inbox
Back
ExBoyfriends
Checking for mail...
Updated just now.
Checking for mail...
Updated just now.
Checking for mail...
Updated just now.
****
Georgia Owen Apr 2015
My breath, pottery in flux
The universe, a crystal of any type
"Shavasana."
And I begin to weep, as the freshly loosened layers of stress begin to fall.
"What is consciousness?"
Entheogens will produce revelatory illusions,
While the Buddhists allay that suffering must be endured.
I'm losing my **** completely anymore.
I mask it by keeping a regular schedule and attending to the wishes of my family, my friends; my hair, my house, my pets.
But my not-boyfriend(s) know.
My yoga teachers know.
This bladder infection knows.

"God is watching me":
A harsh gust lifts my checkered picnic blanket and scatters my beautiful meal into the grass that is filled with systematic degradation, unrealized potential and scattered daydreams.

What
Will
We
Do
With
Ourselves?
#adulthood #failure #crisis #identity #career #unstableperson #******* #borderline
Georgia Owen May 2013
I lost some muscle tone today
Lying around and writing dumb poems

I gained a little *** belly (maybe)
My boyfriend will be bummed if he notices

My house is still a mess
I feel trapped by the mess

Just clean
You're your own mama now.

No time for this existential mental *******;
Blue collar FTW.
Georgia Owen Aug 2013
I love you,
"Da--" I resist
(lol jk)
This slip would matter to anyone but me.

Beautiful wonder,
Thank you for your blessing.
(drip, drip)

Take me, I'm yours
(define "yours"?)
Bring me home
Our home.
(our dollhouse made of flour)

Sparkle and f a d e
Glow and beam
BFF
(or so I thought)

S.W.A.K.
That poor dude.
Georgia Owen May 2013
What does one gain
from completing the mundane tasks of daily living?

Laundry
Folding
Cleaning
Food prep

Vacuum
Dusting
Windows
Drain

Choose a color scheme for your home
A point of inspiration
"The History of Interior Design"
Choose your Lifestyle
Color your Path

What's the point?
Cable television
The Nuclear Family
Entertaining
The dodging of Lonelihood

Wouldn't you rather be a dolphin?
Dancing by day
And sexing by night

My furniture is coral
My upholstery is seaweed
Feng Shui by Poseidon's Design

Pulp Fiction.
Georgia Owen Aug 2014
Yes, it's true.
I'm incapable of love-
Too broken for the challenge;
Too fragile for repair.

At times, euphoria~
Other times, thick apathy\

Too many lovers in one lifetime/
And I'm so jaded.
Call me maybe but probably not.
Georgia Owen Aug 2013
Beautifully I'll bloom
Uniquely and splendid
Providing my own Greenhouse Care
Which I require to thrive.

An orchid among the dandelions
Bliss, form, and grace
Lighting specifics
Mindful humidity

It's never too late to become what I might have been.
Georgia Owen Apr 2015
"I'm not mad. Feel free to email me with responsible inquiries. No more of the gf / exgf schtick."

What could be more humiliating?
Shhhh, wake up, you're going to live.
Georgia Owen May 2013
"So, how are you?"
Asks the creepy coworker
The one who has complimented my hair
Asked for a hug
And is always perceived as a creeper

"Fist bump," I'll insist
"Great." "Hurried." "Fine thanks, and you?" I dodge the intimacy like a ***** sock

"GET UP," he says to the kid I'm staffing, trying to be helpful
"You have to get up at some point," I gently tell the kid

I have a goal for these guys at work.
The ones who don't understand women.
Don't respect women.
Expect women to be there for them.

But there's a block, when a guy is just too creepy for comfort
I'm sure it's my own problem.
Georgia Owen Aug 2014
"It's a beautiful thing, finding yourself through the touch of another."
Even if it's violent
And controlled
Hilarity at its most exhilarating

What is a total package?
"Try not to be so direct," offers my professor.
I'm pretty sure nothing is real anymore.
Only theoretical.

Make me hysterical.
Show me you're worth the inevitable suffering.
And yes, I do realize the suffering is inevitable either way.
Trade-ins. Better off?
Georgia Owen Mar 2015
Thanks for listening, though I'm only writing this because I've assumed you're filtering all my e-mails into your trash. Who can blame you?

I am remembering the time we went to Lost Bar and then walked around my neighborhood for awhile. It was Spring, wasn't it? 2013. It was one of the few times we had fun together after actually going out. I remember that we returned home and as I was walking out onto the patio I said something about how I would probably never get married, because I can't handle the seriousness of forever monogamy and the weight that it carries. The limitations, the non-mystery. Such casual bluntness, unfiltered by my self-proposed life expectations or indirect efforts to keep you around, both of us hoping. Wishing.

I'm slowly realizing that we had a friendship. Somewhere in there, under the jealousy and resentment and the mismatch of our personalities within the confines of cohabitation and romantic expectations. Our breakup was inevitable. But there were parts of us that I'm glad I saw.

My habits are the same.
I hope you are well.
Georgia Owen May 2013
If I never were to hear your name again
You'd join the now-stagnant cesspool of men
Who wish they'd never kissed my spine

Men with whom I've flirted
At the expense of myself and them

Why couldn't I have been more patient?
In choosing a suitable soil
Before dabbling in the Delicate art
Of planting a Seed and offering it water?

Alternatively,
Perhaps these brief interactions
Have meant something more than so many "fragile" (fruitless) disappointments

Could they instead be documented
As some of our formative experiences
Ones of transcendental self-discovery
Research and Study in preparation for the Gardens Ahead?

Sun and water help the Plants to grow
Up
and
Out
But an attentive Gardener must provide organization and mindfulness

Plant, Animal, Mineral
Under proper conditions, a dazzling heart can be formed from coal

— The End —