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Who am I to want more
than you can give?
 Sep 2013 gemnah maley bray
-
Over the past few years, the need for happiness,
was high, but my feelings were low,
I guess you could say I am numb,
but I have a strong appearance,
so the sadness never shows.

The happier I was at times,
the more misfortune I'd receive,
as an unwelcome gift.

My heart has been torn, broken,
emotionally scarred and bruised,
but I have never given in to the pain,
because of the strength I supposedly possess,
a reason I let go without thought,
despite knowing of the later,
consequence of me doing so,
eventually I knew that trouble,
trouble was to come & I'd be undone,
I would have to battle myself again,
knowing I could be easily broken,
while trying to patch up my old wounds,
and heal my own personal scars.

A few years ago, I had no faith,
I had no hope, I had no strength,
I was lost, delusional at my worst,
trying to keep myself together,
in this battle of life or death.

I have my own share of regrets,
my secrets, my stories to tell,
but the thought of telling people,
made my eyes swell up,
ready to cry tears,
I was willing to stop,
stop my own heart,
to keep my pain,
a secret in tact.

Self-love, what is that?
I have never known it.
I have only ever covered myself,
in the disguise which is my smile,
whether anyone ever knew,
I guess I'll never know.
© Natali Veronica 2013.
If given the chance,
Would you erase the past,
Or simply move forward,
Like every second was your last?
Would you ponder your thoughts,
Or sleep your life away,
Would you crawl under a rock,
Day after day?
Would you open up your heart,
To the one you truly love,
Or would you lock up your feelings,
And give fate a shove?
Would you reach the farthest you could reach,
Or fall down with regret,
Would you ever defy yourself as self-actualized,
Or suffer from anxiety, lonesome, and much fret?
Would you accept who you are,
Or watch others grow,
Would you discover happiness,
Or remain too shy; too slow?
Would you keep your head up high,
When you're feeling down,
Or isolate yourself,
From all around?
Would you follow your heart,
Or only use your head,
Would you let true talent go to waste,
And feel as if it's dead?
Would you drink your sorrows away,
Or face reality,
Would you fight until satisfied,
Or suffer brutality?
Would you speak your mind,
Or let others exploit you,
Would you live life to its fullest,
Or become withered; black and blue?
Would you cry when you needed to,
Or have a large lump in your throat,
Would you express your emotions,
As your personal anecdote?
Would you always think positive,
Or have a negative mind,
Would you make the most of your life,
Or have the beauty, yet to find.
Would you help those in need,
Or just hope and pray,
Would you make an impact in their lives,
Or assume they'll be okay?
So if given the chance,
Would you begin your life anew,
Or contemplate all the memories,
After all you've gone through.
The definition of anxiety:
Me, Myself, and I.
we downplay ourselves
because the traits we love
others may not and we don't
want to find out we aren't good
enough.

But we are,
oh, we are.
(c) Brooke Otto
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