Have you ever been so ******* scared, you’ve ****** yourself on the spot?
Or not, or when you were a child, when the fire alarm used to make dads head go wild… pulling and yanking on the wires of desperation, not being able to see the positive relation of
father and daughter, the moon and the sun, where hitting walls was the only idea of fun
Realising your own bruises when you’d wake up, and healing me with some sparkly makeup
Dibbling and dabbling with your own torment not actually realising that im not your vent
Or your toy
Or your mistake
Or the one you like to think you didn’t make
Dragging up past and blaming it on present
When the time you left is my only depressant
Thinking of what might become just makes me want to run
Because I don’t want to lose you, but then I must chose to
Leave. Before my bedroom walls start to heave and become so thin
Its as if I never had a chance to win
Over you, its as you proposed to
Let me grow up instead of find out that your body is still in doubt
Of my abilities to not remind you of mum that my genetics might not have made me like her in her tum
do you know that I know how bad you were
or think I remember just the incense and myrrh
Fitting keys into doors that aren’t meant to lock
‘daddy, why cant I wake you before ten o clock?’

I’d like to live to see the clouds turn into dust and ice
My skin to mottled, silky wrinkles of pink
And for the ground to fall beneath the lightness of my weight

The stars and moons would slowly disintegrate and crackle on the marble floors of the universe

And finally my body would melt into the sea and drown
In loving content of death.