1:50 AM, 29 Oct 2017

dunia kadang suka melucu
entahlah
aku sedang diambang bahagia
bisakah aku sebut diriku sedang bahagia?

ingin rasanya mengecup semesta
merangkul ufuk timur
dan memeluk ufuk barat
selagi memandang eloknya fajar yang berputar
lalu berucap sukur yang sebesar-besarnya

entahlah
semenjak keberadaanmu disisiku
aku
jadi selalu ingin berucap syukur
dengan tulus
dan mendalam

kulihat lagi langit malam
sekarang kuingin meresap kedalamnya
dan ingin berkata
kumohon jangan biarkan dia pergi
ternyata aku memang bahagia

"can we start over? can you love me like you used to?"
he looked at me and sighed, "I have never loved you."*

the fact that i have come to that point where
i just realized you never loved me;
made me want to curse so bad, am i the only one?

all the memories, weren't really memories (at least for you).
because you weren't you when you're with me.
so when we're apart, you did not remember a thing about me.

that part of you that knows me,
died along with the memories of us.
thats the end. thats the death of us.

− G (10/11/16).

kadang ada sesuatu yang tidak bisa kita sadari
kita terlalu larut dalam kesedihan yang sementara
tanpa tau
atau mau tau
apa arti dari kesedihan kita itu

kadang kita menyangka
bahwa yang paling membuat kita terluka saat itu
adalah yang "paling" dari yang pernah kita alami
walau lupa
atau berusaha lupa
bahwa pernah merasakan yang jauh lebih menyakitkan

satu hal yang aku pelajari,

tak semua yang kau sesal tak ucapkan akan berakhir indah saat kau benar ucapkan itu.

kadang kala, sesuatu memang seharusnya tak terucapkan. kadang lebih baik begitu.

— G, 13/07.

what goes around comes back around

aku percaya dengan adanya karma. semakin banyak hitungan niat baik yang kau sia-siakan maka akan semakin banyak pula pengorbanan sia-siamu kelak.

sepele? iya mungkin sangat. tetapi berapa banyak malam yang sudah aku lewatkan untuk merenungi kesepelean itu?

suatu saat akan ada waktu dimana kamu akan menyesali semua yang kau lakukan, karma itu akan datang dan kau bahkan tidak tau karma siapa yang sudah kamu terima.

suatu saat akan ada penyesalan, tetapi kamu tidak akan bisa berbuat apa-apa. iya, seperti yang sedang aku lakukan sekarang ini.

—G, 22/07.

to my dearest future boy or the one that had left behind,

ask 'em be honest, i was not like every girl youve met before arent i? i dont recognize red lipstick or suede high heels; but pretty sure i know your favorite meals for lunch

to my dearest future boy or the ones that had left behind,

ask urself be honest, u will never have started to like me from the way i look at first; but i guarantee that you will be drown on my ******* sands or undeniable falls like hiking on a slippery ***** when you get to know me

to my dearest future boy or the ones that had left behind,

im not that girl who can serve you with the best look for your best dates; but pretty sure you'd like it for us to watch ur favorite movies, with hot chocolate, inside my blanket while its heavy raining

to my dearest future boy or the ones that had left behind,

im not sure i can provide you pride of having a pretty girlfriend; but i will always try to make you proud of having me, the way i am.

— G (18/09/16)

waktu adalah yang paling jahat, dia akan tetap berjalan;

tanpa peduli siapa yang meronta inginkan ia pincangkan jarumnya, atau siapa yang inginkan matahari terbit datang lebih awal.

tetapi waktu pula yang paling dermawan, berikan penawar ke setiap luka yang tak bisa disembuhkan tangan.

you're heartless, reckless, ruthless.

i was so done with all the shadows and darkness i was almost standing after falling too hard.

but now u push me through the darkest canyon till i was not be able to breathe.

i never thought all of those words are temporary,
they are on the surface and you never really mean it.

i never thought what we had on this short period of time,
was a joke, a not-so-funny joke.

i never thought it could be so easy for you,
to just get and forget while all i do here is struggling.

craving for feelings that might still left on your heart for me.

but i was sad because "us" was matter to me before and it never was a joke.
because "us" was everything to me

and its hurtful,
to see you with your new "us" being so happy too quickly.

i never asked for you to come back; but i never thought you'll knock on another door this quick, too.